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733 No. 733
Today, I had a very vague image. Not enough for a short, but too much to ignore, I brought it up in IRC, and someone mistook it for an IRC CYOA, which it then became.

This will be running whenever I feel like it pretty much in our IRC channel, #THP@irc.rizon.net and new people are always welcome. This topic will serve as an archive for any IRC goers who've missed a section because not everyone can always be on, as well as for new people who want to know how they managed to get in the crazy situation they're in. The following is a slightly edited reproduction of what was written. There are no options presented except where indicated, all writing is live-time and all choices are thrown out at random and chosen based on what seems fun.

Without further ado.

No. 734
You wake up in a box. It is a box. It is very boxy.

>Punch the fuck out of it.

Upon punching the fuck out of it, you find that it is also a very sturdy box. Your knuckles now hurt, and there is a distinct vibrating in the earth.

>Roll a spot check

You reach for your trusty bag of dice, only to realize you are also naked. There is a shudder, a crack, and a gust of air. It is stale, and reeks of decay. In the distance you see what could be called civilization, though the architecture is unfamiliar to you. It seems primitive, yet advanced in ways.

>Walk in the opposite direction

You walk in the opposite direction, but the only light source seems to be strange glowing mushrooms that bud from high walls. It is not long before you are lost, scared, and naked among mists. There are questionable echos from all sides.

>Eat the mushrooms.

You attempt to climb the walls to reach the mushrooms, but quickly find that nakedness is not conducive to rock climbing and fall.

>Grab a rock and throw it at a mushroom to knock it down.

You grab a rock and throw it at a group of mushrooms. Through some bizarre stroke of luck, enough force is conserved and the angles fall perfectly to cut one from its stem. Up close you can clearly see the shape of the mushroom which I will not describe here. Suffice to say it is very unpleasant-looking, as far as mushrooms go. Eat? [Y/N]


You force the mushroom down your throat (along with traces of bile) in the hopes that it will not kill you. You wake in a daze several hours later. The light of the mushrooms has dimmed, or else you have been moved somewhere their light does not permeate. Wherever you are, it is, for a change, comfortable. There is softness and warmth all about you. You attempt to call out, but cannot seem to summon your voice.

>Take a look around at your surroundings.

You strain your eyes in the darkness attempting to get your bearings, and find that movement is difficult. Perhaps eating that mushroom was not the best idea. Still, your eyes can adjust, and you find when they do that you are in fact wrapped in a thick layer of fabric, with your arms and legs bound by it. You can also see, but not hear, footsteps. Whoever is here, they are not speaking.

>Rolling is important now. Must roll.

You are overcome by the comfort of your bed and roll back and forth. You quickly find that rolling is not in fact an option either. What is apparently your captor lets out a soft giggle, and brings her face close enough to yours to see. Why, it's KURODANI YAMAME!

>distraction discussion

In any case, something seems slightly off about her. Her hair is not as neatly styled as you would think, her eyes are open just a bit wider than is normal, and there are streaks of dirt and blood decorating her skin. She plants herself firmly over where your groin would be were it not covered so thoroughly, looks down with a rather haughty smile, and says, "You have fifteen minutes. Struggle."

>Refuse to struggle.

You sit and stare her down, as much so as one who is in fact below her can, making no further efforts to escape captivity. Her response is at first a rising amusement, followed by angry disappointment. After a short while, she simply sighs and leaves you to starve to death. Days pass in captivity, her attention completely elsewhere, and all the while the complete lack of light, your own increasing hunger, and the ever-growing sound of little chittering footsteps drive you close to insanity. One day, you have the falling dream again. This time, you land – free from your cocoon, and hard. It takes a moment to realize that you are no longer dreaming, but you are rushed by the sensation of a swarm of spiders over your skin.


You roll along the floor with all the strength and speed you can muster in your weakened state, loud crunches and small bites surrounding you. By the time new cuts stop forming, you've crashed into a wall. Around you are vague paths, not unlike those found in forests where people go places they don't belong. While the paths before you are twisting and obscured, you can make out echos from them. To one side of you is a low rumble, like distant thunder, and to another, a higher one closer to that of a crowd.

>four hours of no participation followed by a tentative "continue?" and "go for it"

So! You have escaped the clutches of the apparently whacked Yamame, you are covered in spider bites which you certainly hope aren't poisonous, you're malnourished, and you're lost. This is a good way to start your day.

> Is it even day? Can we tell? :V

Good question! No you cannot. The only light source is the eerie glowing of whatever life you happen across, not all of which glows of course but some does. This's all recap hour so I can get away with stupid grammar raping like that.

There are several paths before you, all winding and obscured, destinations long forgotten.

>Wait why can I tell where the paths are if there's no light

lol mushrooms. Don't worry about it.

>Eat the mushrooms.

You briefly consider picking up another mushroom, but now that you actually know the taste and result of doing so, you cannot summon the willpower to eat it. All attempts end in vomiting. The rumbling persists.

>Investigate noise. All of them.

You can only choose one general direction to move in, as you are not nearly intimate enough with quantum physics.

>The louder one.

You choose a path which you hope leads toward the higher but louder rumbling. Throughout the trip, visions pass before you only just strange enough to be real. Spirits pass before your eyes freely, oddly colored liquids drip from the walls, cats walk peacefully among mice, and you're the star of the show: Everyone - or rather, everything - is staring at you.

>Stare back at everything.

Refusing to give up even one step to anything (except mushrooms, you suppose) you meet the creatures' gazes. It is perhaps your strength of posture that saves you from being labeled a prospective meal. In time, more light seems to simply appear. The walls seem less all-absorbing, and you can make out details in textures that you couldn't before. The source of the light is unknown, but the familiarity is welcome. At long last, the walls give way to hallways, stalagmites thin out, and you can clearly make out both light sources and a crowd. You've stumbled across a festival, it seems.

>Ask who do you have to make friendly to get a drink around here.

...Your priorities are fucked. As you stumble your way toward the nearest...thing. You hesitate to call it human. All that goes through your head is alcohol. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck me, fuck this, fuck you. Alcohol.
"Hey. Who do I have to make friendly to get a drink around here?"
Its reply is muffled by the noise around you, but seems incomprehensible regardless of the fact. Still, its attitude is jovial, and when it shows you the right direction you quite literally cannot resist. Your body rolls forward of its own accord, landing at the feet of a single individual standing tall among the heads of shouting creatures, its head cocked back to polish off a particularly large dish which, if the smell is any indication, is filled to the brim with an incredibly potent drink. Why, it's HOSHIGUMA YUUGI!

>Take the saucer, down it all in one go.

You attempt to bring yourself to your feet and snatch the saucer from her, but fail miserably. The show, however, brings a roar of laughter to everyone around you, Yuugi included. Throughout her hearty chuckles, she picks you up into the air, having grabbed one of your wrists between two of the fingers not occupied with holding her dish.

>You're at a better angle now, grab the dish and down it.

Your one-track mind inspires a strength you didn't know you still had, and you lift your head to partake of Yuugi's drink. However, doing a chin-up takes a while when you're in the kind of condition you're in, and she has ample time to flip her massive cup like it was a quarter, catching it and all the remaining liquid in her other hand. "If you want a drink, just say so. I'll play anyone stupid enough to try me."

>Ask for a drink.

You ask for a drink - or at least, you think you do. Something about your voice seems odd. Unfamiliar. The message gets across though, as she sits you down at her "table" - really just a large stalagmite that's been shaved flat and used for special events. The drink that sits before you looks almost poisonous, and smells just as toxic, but there's no backing down now that you're this far along. You manage to gulp down three whole mouthfuls before you pass out. They make some strong absinthe down here.



"If you want a drink, just say so. I'll play anyone stupid enough to try me."

>CHALLENGE TO YAKYUKEN (Yakyuken, for those who don't know, is strip rock-paper-scissors. I had to ask.)

"Yes. Yakyuken."
"Well why the hell not! It's a fuckin' party!"
The cheer that rises from the crowd at this prospect hits you like a brick wall, and leaves you feeling slightly dizzy. Clearly Yuugi is something of a deva. By the time your head clears, you are seated across from Yuugi, one hand behind your back, with an official judge (who is giving you some intimidating stares. Best not to screw this up) counting down. "Three...Two..."

[ ] Rock - good old, reliable rock. Nothing beats rock.
[ ] Paper - Everyone picks rock. Paper is where it's at.
[ ] Scissors - Anyone who knows anything plays paper. Everyone picks rock, right? Scissors wins.
[ ] Rock - She's good. She'll pick scissors thinking I'm thinking she's thinking etc. etc.
[X] Paper. No particular reason.

Paper. It's...as good as anything, you guess. After all, with a one in three chance of winning, random selection can't hurt, right? Yuugi's fist slams down on the table across from you, and the shaking it causes resonates within your bones. Immediately, the crowd roars - quite literally, in some cases - and Yuugi takes a long, long sip. "No point waiting on the crowd-pleaser." Immediately she reaches for her shirt, taking it off slowly enough to count as a strip tease, until she reaches just the point where her bare breasts peek from underneath the folds, and then the author's head draws a blank.

I'll write a Yuugi H-scene good and proper when I have time. Congratulations, achievement unlocked, etc. etc. Let's just say I'm gonna pull a FotLS here.

Until she reaches just the point where her bare breasts peek from underneath the folds, at which point she notices that you are in fact already naked. "You...can't play without clothes."
"...No. No I can't."
"Let's fix that."
You now have a brand spankin' new set of clothes. They are warm, comfortable, easy to move around in, and do not carry any weight in their appearance. Because this is an IRC story. Seriously guys. For the purposes of the story, however, it's a three-piece. Use your imagination. I'm not even gonna say which pieces go where.

Right, so. Your game continues, and your clothes do not last long. Within minutes, you're faced with a bare-breasted Yuugi (no less enthusiastic for it), and both of you are down to your final piece of clothing.

>Offer Self, vs everything Yuugi is wearing. (Offered before the last segment was posted.)

...A thought flashes through your head.

>or not never mind THAT THOUGHT DISAPPEARS

AND THAT THOUGHT DISAPPEARS. It's time for random select.

>!yakyuken rock
<%Gero-chan> Rock!

She wastes no time throwing out her next hand. The game has her completely entranced.

!yakyuken Penis
<%Gero-chan> Hey! That's cheating!

In a stroke of genius, or perhaps insanity, you jump on the table and flash her as her arm comes down. As your sizable erection swings in front of the faces of hundreds of creatures exponentially more powerful than you, suicide seems like a good idea. Luckily, the act is deemed more humorous than it is offensive, and you become a small-scale celebrity for the night. Under Yuugi's wing, you spend the next several hours in a drunken haze. She doesn't blame you for not being able to handle her drink, and the resulting conversation pins on her a sense of concern, which results in a small tour of the city, as well as a room for the night and a decent meal. When the festival finally disperses and you lie in an actual bed, clothed, fed and safe, you cry yourself to sleep. The tears flow freely and joyfully.


Good job! You avoided fuck-if-I-know BAD ENDs. You also unlocked an ADDITIONAL SCENE in the EXTRAS menu, located at www.touhouproject.com (Extras may take some time to fully load. Please wait warmly.)



You wake up sore. Everywhere that could conceivably be sore in your body is incredibly sore. Your eyes throb, your mind drags behind their movements, your arms and legs refuse every notion of movement, even so much as thinking makes you want to cringe. However, memories of the previous night combined with some honest warmth leave you happy. Overall, anyways.

>Check your bed.

You lift the covers and check underneath them, finding your body. It's fairly roughed up, but it seems to have held the night. None of the spider bites you can see from here seem too infected, fortunately enough. To expect perfect condition from them would be insane, but seeing this seems almost miraculous. When you do finally convince yourself to get up, a small lump falls from underneath your <ARTICLE OF CLOTHING>. Upon picking it up, it seems to be...

...Oh, my.

It seems to be a sleek red G-string, with a single large yellow star on the front.

>The idea of posting this here is brought up, writing is called to a close for the night.
No. 843
>It seems to be a sleek red G-string, with a single large yellow star on the front.
No. 870
>Clean up infected spider bites. Wince and swear.

G-string or no G-string, your priorities are in better condition today than they were last night - knowing this is a welcome comfort after yesterday, and a sign that you aren't completely fucked in the head just yet. Unfortunately you're a bit lacking in first aid supplies at the moment, and venture out of "your" room in the hopes of finding some, or perhaps someone who can point you toward them. The house you're in, you discover, is quite small. There's only one floor, packed with the essentials and very little else. Still, seeing Yuugi opting to sit at the breakfast table in a far too loose T-shirt as opposed to her normal attire brings to mind the word "Cozy." It doesn't take much more than pointing for her to get out the medical supplies.

>"So--ow--how big an--ow--idiot was I last night? And how'd I doOW?"

Her response is a laugh - distinct and slow, but quiet enough that you owe hearing it to the complete silence of the morning after. "You did fine. Just fine." Somehow seeing her hung over but smiling is adorable.

>If you haven't used the first aid, do so, then get a glass of water to rinse your mouth out with.

Some hours later, the task of cleaning you up is finished thanks in no small part to your host. Sitting here with a splitting headache and a foul taste in your mouth for as long as you have has taken its toll, however, and without another word you rush to the kitchen sink to down a glass. And another, and another. When you finally finish, Yuugi has come from behind you.
"So. Not faring too well?"
"I'm not sure you noticed the spider bites, bruises, cuts, dead sunken eyes. Anything you could have done to me last night would be faring well after that."
"You got my present, huh."

>"... Sure did. It matched!"

...you say, as you hold the dangling undergarment between two fingers. Were you a bolder man, you'd try to hang them from her horn. That would be rude though, she said it was a present. She plants a light kiss on your lips, walks to what is presumably her bedroom, and says, "I'm gonna be out taking care of chores today. You can stay if you want, but I'll have my way with you if you're not gone when I get back."

>Stay put.

You stay put. Relatively, of course! A man can't stay cooped up in a house this small all day. Gotta get some fresh air, walk around town, meet some people. Oh. Wait. Eh, napping works. Your body definitely can't take another day like yesterday so soon, so sleep should be fine, right? Right. Yeah.

Sleep comes easily. When you lie down, your bed simply seems more comfortable than anything you've ever laid on. You start dreaming even before you lose consciousness. First, in vague shapes and colors. There are very few concrete images, and even those are so wildly unnatural your brain simply can't process them. The objects you see have no names that you can think of, even colors seem to have remained undiscovered until now. There is a blur in the air, but one that seems to have substance. It is nothing more than a blur. There is a great labyrinth before you, made of shifting walls and staircases. There is no exit. There is...heat. Too much heat.

You wake to a pair of eyes, deep and emerald. The face they occupy is too close for you to make the rest out.

>"... ... My breath's really bad right now, just a warning."

"Stop it." You wait for some clarification or elaboration, and receive none.

>"... Stop what?"

You barely have time to get the words out of your mouth before your head is batted to one side. The impact leaves you spinning, but you can make out "Just stop it already!" You attempt to reason with her, but every protest is only met with further swipes, and her voice seems to come out in chokes. By the time you're on your feet, you've only managed to avoid two, and you can see your assailant clearly. Why, it's MIZUHASHI PARSEE!

>Invite to tonight's "celebration"

You tell her about what Yuugi had said earlier, though how much earlier you're not sure, and invite her to join in on the festivities. As you describe it, though, she seems to grow only more incensed, and lunges at you, knocking you to the floor and pinning you on your back. You're still really not fit for this kind of thing, and go down hard. The flinch is enough for her to establish dominance. "You don't even fucking know her."

>"What's the matter? Jealous?"

You're amazed that you haven't passed out yet. Her strikes, open handed until now, have gone on to tightly clenched fists, and a slowly growing red stain on them suggests only the worst. "You're going to die here, you know that? I'll let you leave if you start moving now, but if you don't I can tell you right now that you will not last another fucking day in this house."

>Ignore continued beatdown, raise hands, wrap around shoulders, pull self up and her down.

You pay no mind to her words. If you're going to die, you're going to die like a fucking hero. You've always wanted to do this. Before another raised fist comes raining down upon you, you dash forward and pull her into a tight embrace. Her screams, almost like screeches, ring out in your ears. Her strikes have stopped, but are replaced with claws tearing through the flesh of your back. Your grip does not let for a second, though your mind drifts to whether you ended up using all of those medical supplies.

>Softly say "It's okay" as you press her head to your chest firmly, but gently.

You attempt to talk her down, but end up getting headbutted in the face. Still, your grip stays. Slowly, her screams soften, and her claws dig shallower cuts. Your words are relentless, but comforting. In time, she lies motionless in your arms, sobbing. "Why...does it always turn out like this..."

>"It's okay. It's okay." pat the back of her head gently.

There's nothing you can say to her but the same old words, "It's okay. It's okay." You don't know her well enough to make it any more personal than that, but the feelings are there. Something about seeing a crying girl always did set you off, you fucking white knight you. When she seems to have calmed down, you briefly consider taking her down with force, or tying her up, or something, but you know not everything can be solved like that and lightly prod her for information. Her words are still forced, but her sudden change in stance gives them a more desperate feel. "You have to leave. I can tell you all about it, but not here. Go."

>Make like a tree and leave.

...Well. You don't have to stay. If anything, you figure you can come back if it's all just some misunderstanding, but you know better than to fuck with someone as clearly bipolar as the woman before you, and rise to your feet.

And fall to your ass. This...could be a problem. Parsee, seemingly noting your distress, lifts you around her shoulders and carries you like a bag of sand. "We don't have time for your blood loss. Let's go." By the time you reach the city limits, you feel lightheaded enough that the hope in the back of your head that you won't be the laughingstock of...wherever you are. If anyone told you, you certainly don't remember it. In any case, it seems not only like a reasonable thing to hope for but a feasible one! Eventually you're laid down against...something. It feels like you would imagine a buffalo's skin to, muscles hard as stone but soft on the surface. Your vision is too blurry to make out where you might be, but that would be pointless, now wouldn't it? Your tour didn't go this far. At least, you don't remember it going this far. You don't remember a lot of things, these days.

>Stop not making sense.

Stop having so little blood.

>IRON HEART SURGE away lack of blood.

You attempt to access your IRON HEART SURGE ability, only to find that you have forgotten how to read. This character sheet is a mess. Parsee is speaking moon at you. Why doesn't she know you can't understand her? Another slap. A shout. Your senses tingle. What the fuck are you doing? Things start to make defined shapes, thoughts come more freely, and most importantly, you can understand Parsee again. "Snap out of it already! What the hell is your problem?"

>"Can't think, dick taking all remaining blood..."

"Oh good, you're awake." Another slap. "Now stop dicking around and listen to me. I don't know how to do this myself." She has in her hands a scarce collection of supplies for a number of things, none of which are relevant to your injuries. This may require some ingenuity. The supplies she has with her are an empty blood pack, a few band-aids, needles and thread, alcohol pads, and a meager amount of disinfectant. It looks to be the sort of thing you'd find in a regular household or a single small section of a workplace. Nothing is big enough to deal with your head or your back.

>Alcohol pads will work. Press those to the wounds and stick them in place with the bandaids. And maybe the needle and thread.

You instruct her on the use of her supplies, and she quickly gets to work. It's sloppy, it's painful, and it's not likely to clean up well, but it's a hell of a lot better than being dead.

>Back of shirt is probably shredded, Tear what's left into a long strip and wrap it around to bind the brea^H^H^H^Hwound.

When you're out of what little you had, you turn to her. "You're gonna need to bind these. One of our shirts has to go." She stares at the shredded remains of your shirt for a moment before tearing off long strips with a smirk. It would appear you've discovered something resembling her sense of humor. Or perhaps she's found yours? In any case, you're back to resting your severely injured body on questionable substances and surfaces. The bed was nice while it lasted.

>"I think... I should stay conscious... I need your help. Talk to me."

In the silent darkness, the atmosphere is almost suffocating. You don't particularly care for being suffocated. "I think... I should stay conscious... I need your help. Talk to me."
"So you're finally ready to listen. I've been trying to tell you about that city and that...thing."
Her expression shifts rapidly. Suspicion, doubt, rage, flashing before you but never directed at you. Her eyes have that slight glow to them, too subtle to see in good lighting. The effect is extremely unsettling. It continues as she speaks. "Yuugi is...insane would describe it, I think. Yeah, she's insane. You think you had a good time with her? You think she's so nice, she gave you all this stuff? You know what she does to people like you? You're not the first person to wander down here. She's made it a game. I've seen them. Heard them. You wouldn't like living with her, trust me." Somehow it's difficult to do so. The fact that you've seen the sorts of things that happen down here makes it both easy and so, so hard to believe.

>"Then...uh...you're kind of strong enough to pick me up, why couldn't you have just dragged me out?'

"Then, uh..." is as far as you can get before she leaps on you again. Her hands are around your collar, her breath is warm on your face. "You have to stay here. She'll be looking for you! You can't afford to have her find you! Please trust me. Please."

>"I can't even walk right now. 'm not goin' anywhere."

"I can't even walk right now. I'm not going anywhere." This seems to pacify her, as her grip on you loosens and she leans back slightly. Still, her eyes are scrutinizing for several seconds before she speaks. "...Good. You can't go anywhere so you won't go anywhere. I should have known, right? Silly me." A small, carefree laugh echos through the halls, as though all the tension in the air has washed away, and there isn't someone who very nearly bled to death lying on...
"...What is this I'm lying on, anyways?"
"Where do you think? My bed. Do you like it? I made it myself!"

>Try to take a look at the bed.

Well, honesty never hurt anyone, but for that you have to see it. You turn your head as much as you can without disturbing your wounds, and see that it's a patchwork of cloth from all sorts of sources. Though it's clean, the shapes of the patches are bizarre and unfitting, and the fabrics themselves are as diverse as they are worn. It looks very hand-made. "It's...very you."
"Isn't it? I really poured my heart into it."
She lands softly next to you with a light grunt, and brings her head down to her knees, which she then encircles with her arms. "It's not too hard? I can try to find something to pad it out if you're not comfortable."
Her sudden...concern or lack of concern, you can't particularly tell, is somehow disturbing.

>Need rest and food.

"I'm really more concerned about the blood loss. Some rest and food and I'll be fine." You can't see her full face with her knees in the way, but you can see her eyes droop slightly, then harden. You really wish they weren't glowing about now. As suddenly as anything she does, she stands with conviction, her fists clenched tightly by her sides. "I'll be back. Try and go to sleep."

>"Parsee? Thank you."

Her footsteps echo wildly in the cavern as she stomps away, but before she's too far, you shout after her. "Parsee?"
"...Thank you." The only reply is in the form of more echos.

Ya corny bastard.

>Well, if someone wants to kill me, I'm dead. Get some sleep.

Waaait wait wait.
Parsee was the only thing between you and everything else in here.
Somehow, though, knowing this helps you relax. If you're going to die, you're going to die. Surely you've skirted death enough times that you can't complain if it comes tonight. Apathy really is the best medicine. You fall asleep on Parsee's cold, hard "bed", leaving room to the side if she returns.

You're woken with a particularly painful start. Your back is burning, you can see clearly, and there's something pushing you on the floor. "Relax." It sounds like Parsee, only...not. Parsee with a frog in her throat, or a very good impression of Parsee. In your ear, she whispers. "You know, you never really promised. Oh, you may have said you'd stay for now. You're in no position to move, right? What about when we're done? After you're healthy? You'll go back to her. I know you will."

"Tell me you love me."

>"I ... thought you wanted Yuugi ... all to yourself."

"Yuugi...? Why would...ah. Ahaha. Ahahahahahaha! You're funny, you know that? I love that about you, I really do. That's not what I wanted to hear though."

>"...Parsee, tell me what's going on. Please. You're scaring me."

"Scared? I'm scaring you?" With her mouth as close as it is to your ear, you can't see her expressions. Her breathing, though, is ragged, and the tone of her voice is unchanging.

>"...Let me see your eyes."

"What are you talking about?" She's...fast. Really fast. In that one sentence you spoke, you can clearly hear that she's moved to a makeshift table some ten feet from you. "You can see my eyes whenever you like. Just look at them." When you do look up, she's sitting down and skinning a creature the identity of which you're blissfully unsure of.

>Look at Parsee's craaazy green eyes.

You stare long and hard at her, trying to mask your concern - and successfully, at that. She spares you passing glances, but for the most part goes about her business, humming a little tune as she goes. It seems to rise and dip in mood, and you can see her head swaying and bobbing as she conducts an entire orchestra performing just for her. "Is, uh. Something wrong?"

>"What are you singing?"

"What are you singing?" The last thing you want to do is rile her up further. Pretend nothing happened. When she's not being crazy, for lack of a better word, just roll with it.
"Would you believe I don't know? I've just kind of known this tune as long as I can remember. Every once in a while I get more out of it, but I'm never sure whether it's actually a part of the song or just something I wrote on the spot." Well. No mood swings. That's a new record.

>"Nice tune, by the way."

"Nice tune, by the way." Regardless of your feelings about the singer, good music is good music. You've got to respect whoever wrote it. She turns her head toward her work, but her eyes are still focused on you. You can't read her expression from this far away, but it's not in any extreme that you can tell from her eyes. "Thanks."


For the time being, she seems relatively sedated. You've been hesitating to until now - and with good reason - but hey. She's here now, you're not bleeding quite as bad, at least as far as you can tell, there's food on the table, and you've even got music. Your fatigue finally catches up with your mind, and you're lulled to sleep by the sound of Parsee's half-singing and the chopping of meat.


Seriously seems like a cop-out, I know, but four fucking hours.

No. 1124
Tried to run it yesterday, but relative lack of interest made it start late and other responsibilities cut it short.

The process of waking up has not become any easier, for all the times you've done it. There's still a chill in your skin despite what covering it has, your mind still races with unfamiliarity and fear for that first moment of consciousness, and the hard floor offers little comfort over what always feels like a long night. Your sense of time is still crippled and warped, and you remind yourself never to let your thoughts fool you. Parsee has seemingly finished her labors, and is resting beside you. There is a cut of uncooked meat sitting on the table, dressed with small mushrooms. You're unsure of whether she intends to cook it.

>Still weak from blood loss and injuries. Whatever crazy she has, she also has body heat and I like being alive. Spoon like the motherfucking fist of the north star!

You breathe lightly and gather your thoughts before rushing to any action, a habit that you've learned well over the last few days. Your wounds likely haven't healed much over "night", your makeshift bandages are depressingly insufficient, and she's a warm creature sitting aside you that - as far as you can tell - won't kill you for borrowing some of that warmth. You slowly adjust yourself into a position behind her, pushing your body against hers and drawing it close to you. With one hand on her stomach and your legs filling the space behind hers, you lay still, getting what heat you can. Her hand meets yours, and she intertwines your fingers. You can hear a satisfied sigh, only just above a whisper. She says nothing.

>Try to sleep. Leech body heat like hell.

She's calm. Calm is good. Calm is when you can sleep. Sleep...still important. Gotta try and sleep while you can. Knowing Parsee - or rather, not knowing her. Yeah, you don't know her. Nothing about her. You fall asleep with your doubts catching up to you. As you lay here, you pray to whatever deities you can still remember that she stays like this when she wakes up. You wake up with a gasp again, this time with a reason. Parsee is seated across from you with perfect posture. Her eyes are wide and unblinking, and from this distance you can make out her face again. At the moment, she sports a slight smile. Before you is the still-uncooked meal. "I thought you were hungry. Why aren't you eating?"
No. 1130
Should we pick up from here?
No. 1136
That's the plan. It's not like a short session is a good reason for a retcon, this is exactly what the topic is here for.
No. 1137

[x] "Would you mind cooking the meat? If you don't I'll probably get trichinosis if I eat it raw."
No. 1232
[ze] "Humans aren't too good on the raw-meat thing. Any chance you could cook it?"

I dub this story Misery-hashi.

Trichinosis only occurs with pork, I think.
No. 1234

Wikipedia said otherwise, but we all know how easily things on it can be fabricated or omitted.
No. 1236
I'm sorry, my reading comprehension clearly needs work. I thought you meant from here in the story, essentially "Does that last post count?"

I'm still running this in IRC when I have time, since it seems to be the only way I can actually write a good amount at once. Votes in here are on a basis of minutes rather than days, and by the time I could check the board I'd have already written the next section.


>Look Meal
>"I was cold, you were warm. I went back to sleep."

You glance at the meal laid before you. The meat looks soft and is still bleeding, but looks as brown as any cooked steak. There are no insects bothering it at present, though whether it's a general lack of life in the caves or the meat itself you aren't sure. The mushrooms lining the sides are piled generously, as blue and bulbous as any you have seen. There are no utensils laid before you.
"I asked you a question." She seems impatient.
"I was cold, you were warm. I went back to sleep."
She opens her mouth looking slightly frustrated with you, but before she has time to retort you take a bite from the mushrooms. Forcing the almost acidic "treat" down your throat is an effort you don't look forward to repeating, but food is in short supply and you're not stupid enough to refuse hospitality, now especially. You tear through the slab of meat with your teeth, hoping that its taste will at least distract you from the mushrooms and Parsee's unblinking gaze. The second your teeth break its surface, an almost gelatinous substance oozes from the puncture and floods your mouth. It's a surprise, but it's...not entirely unpleasant. By the time you look back up, Parsee is sitting beside you. Her posture looks too comfortable to have just moved. Her eyes are thinner than before, and her complexion looks healthier, though it may just be your closeness. For some reason, you wish you had come here earlier. This meat actually complements the mushrooms really well.

>"How long have I been out?"

In response, she grabs the steak from your hands and takes a large bite. "Long enough. Consider that payback for making me wait." Ooh, but that was the best part, you just know it! You rush in, grab her hands and put your mouth against hers. Your tongue shoots out and explores her, looking for every bit of her bite. You'll have it if it kills you.


And the easiest way to get it is to suck it out, along with her tongue. Gotta pull her in and make sure she doesn't try and take it back, too. A sharp pain in your back reminds you of your situation, and a disgusting metallic taste fills your mouth. Not just your mouth, your throat - good God, how did...

You pull away from Parsee, her eyes still closed and her arms around the air where you once were. You feel like you've been drinking gasoline. It's all you can do to rush to...somewhere. Somewhere not here. This is gonna be bad enough, you don't want to do it all over her "home". Your vomit comes out a quite literally gut-wrenching purple shade. In between heaves, you can hear her voice, somewhere between screams and sobs.

>Smack her with the steak in retaliation.

You double back, mind clouded in a fit of rage. There was still over half of that steak left, and it was a hefty one. There's no reason for what you do, there's no logic behind it. Just blind anger.


You almost hit this girl.
With a steak. Is it even a steak? God, you just...nothing makes sense any more. Parsee almost doesn't send you half way across the span of the cave when she hits you. You almost don't cry when your scabs and weak stitches almost don't break open and spread from the friction of the floor, and you almost stay conscious to see what she's about to do to you. Almost doesn't count for much.

>Roll back to before the steak smack and [x] "What just happened?"

In time, you stop dry heaving, your body having realized that there's nothing left for you to eject. When you do, there's only one question you hope she can hear over her cries. "What...what the fuck was that?"
"Oh, you poor dear, you're delusional." A palm on what little of your back can support it, rubbing and patting you gently. "You need to be careful, love. Come on, let me help you back to bed."

>suplex a train

She lifts you to your feet, and lets you rest against her as you shuffle back toward her makeshift bed together. Determination shines in her eyes, but she's smiling all the same and lightly resting her head against you. The pressure is a small comfort, and distracts you from your spinning head and the ever-present taste of copper in your mouth.

>suplex a train
>suplex a train

[lots of emphasis]>suplex a train

You lay once again to rest, this time with Parsee awake beside you. Her body is close and warm, and as you stare into the soft glow of her eyes, you can't help but feel a little bit hungry. In your dreams, you suplex a train. It's fucking awesome.


When you awaken, you can hear Parsee a short ways away. She's not in her little home, but she's nowhere that you've seen her so far - closer to where you were vomiting. She seems to be talking to someone, but her words are too quiet to make out. You can however tell that they are rushed, worried more than angry.

>This is a sneaking mission, Solid Anonymous. Eavesdrop.
No. 1456
It seems that I am quite literally incapable of getting a solid couple of hours uninterrupted.

You force yourself up on shaking knees, both nervous and fatigued (Though, that's rather odd. You just got up, right?) and walk as quietly as you've ever walked toward Parsee. She stands in front of an elaborate bridge which spans a chasm that seems like it continues to the center of the earth. Her stance is confident, but her voice is strained. "Are you accusing me of something?"
"No. Should I be?"
"You know my position here. There's no way I could have."
A sigh. "I will never understand why people still try to lie to me." Parsee's eyes shoot open from their squint, visible even here thanks to that ever-present glow. In the newfound light (if you can really call it that,) you can make out her conversation partner.

>Continue listening.

The shock in her eyes sends a shiver down your spine, and you drop closer to the floor, hiding as best you can while still listening in on the two of them.
"You have no right..."


Shit, did they see you? They saw you. This is bad. By the time you gather the strength to run away, Parsee is at your throat. "Help? From what? Surely you couldn't mean me." Her fingers tighten around you. "I mean, all I've done for you. I saved you." Your back is against the wall.

>"I need help to get you out of my mind. It's almost maddening!" *insert choking sounds when appropriate*

"I need....help, getting you out of my mind." Even choking and sputtering you can't help but try to be smooth.
"So now you want to forget me. Fine. Fine!" A smile spreads across her face, as toothy as a child's, and a single arm is raised in front of you. "I'll give you something to remember me by."
Pain. Blood. Screaming, laughing, crying. Noises and feelings all blend into one as her hand cleaves straight through your shoulder, into the air below it.

Hands on your shoulders shake you relentlessly. "Would you shut up already?!" Satori seems to have...seen you? She stands tall above you, and looks through half-lidded eyes at your low, pathetic form.

>General confusion.

This is. What's...? Your mind spins with images of things that just happened, but...didn't happen, but. Your arm still feels...gone, but there. Parsee and Satori both stare at you long and hard, the pregnant silence paralyzing any words at the throat. In time, Satori lets out an exasperated sigh. "Hey. You."

>"Aw. I was hoping for an orgy."

"Aw. I was hoping for an orgy."
Oh God did you really just...? The pressure on your head is instantaneous and severe, though a bit invigorating. Two simultaneous slaps on opposite cheeks, followed by a delayed burst of laughter. "So is that why you keep him around? Getting a little lonely down here?" Parsee responds with a silent stare, either for lack of an answer or lack of a need to speak it aloud. You can't read her expression from here, but you don't imagine it as anything resembling amused.

>"I have too little blood for that anyway. What happened?"

"I have too little blood for that anyway. What happened?" It's like nobody gets jokes down here unless they're at your expense.
"I should be asking you, screaming like that. You'd think you saw a grue or something."

>"You mean those exist?! SHIT SHIT SHIT!" Panic.

No. No, no no no no nonononono. Grues cannot exist. Something so utterly terrifying that even imagining its form could drive you mad, your only comfort at night was the knowledge that grues could never and would never walk the earth. Having that shattered now is too much. They could be anywhere down here. When you pry your eyes open again, your fingers and head are sore simply from holding yourself, and Satori is grinning sadistically. "What, really? You believe in those things?"

>"Quuuuuuit doing that!"

"Oooh, god damn it stop doing that already!" Your fear is swiftly replaced by rage. A girl so small and frail as her shouldn't be able to look down at you even as you stand above her, smirking that crooked smirk of hers, and she shouldn't be able to reduce you to a fucking crying mess. Inches from her face, her stature is unchanging. "Wanna come home with me?"
No. 1567
>"I'm not into grannies."

"...What?" Can't get much more succinct than that. "No, no. Thank you, but...I'm not really into grannies." You casually interrupt what was sure to be a thrilling explanation on the details of the Komeiji household and what wonders you would encounter living there, completely uninterested in her offer. After all, you have Parsee. She's all you need right now. As her expression goes from shock and mild horror to utter disgust, you fight back a gut laugh. How many guys can say they've turned down the mistress of a mansion?
"Fine. Don't blame me when she makes a necklace from your eyeballs."

Did she...?
"I'm not sure you realize what you're wearing right now, but you're in no position to make that remark."

>Did she just badmouth Parsee? Oh hell no girlfriend. Slap her. HARD.

Your hand flies through the air with her face at its aim, and you can hear Parsee giggle madly as her tiny little T-rex arms completely fail to block it. And one mystery that has been plaguing your mind comes to an end: Yeah, that eye can look surprised too.

>Short respite to remind players that metaknowledge is A-OK, as it is in fact you, in your current state, who originally woke up in that box.

Satori falls hard and fast, but manages to catch herself mid-air in flight. Without another word, she leaves you in a blur with your own little princess.
...Who is now hugging you entirely too tightly from behind and nuzzling you in the space between your shoulder blades. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

>[x] I wanna be able to hug you from behind too... It makes me [g]jealous[/g]. (From this point, some words appear in green. As I cannot emulate this on the boards, I'll mark them with [g] and [/g].)

"I wanna be able to hug you from behind too! You're making me awfully...[g]jealous.[/g]"
"Oh, is that so? [g]Jealous[/g], are we?" It seems she took that as...well fuck, you can't really pin it. She either took it really well or really badly, because she's not letting up. In fact, she seems to be...grinding into you a little harder. "[g]Good.[/g]" Another one of those creepy whispers. Something's wrong here.

>Grab her hands, try to pry them away. "[g]Really jealous.[/g]"

You grip her hands, making certain that she's not in any position to scratch away at yours in retaliation, and try to pry them away with all the strength you can muster. Your entire body shudders with the effort, which is...weird, considering you're only using your arms.

"Oh, yeah. [g]Really jealous.[/g]"

You probably saw it coming from a mile away, but the effort doesn't work. Not how you intended, at least. When you finish spitting out your line in between strained groans, maniacal laughter fills your ears as you spin with her overhead. Underhead? Over...foot? You're upside down. Get a hold of yourself. And she's...strong. Wow. In a flash, you're back on the floor you seem to be such good friends with, with a notable addition to your stomach in the form of Parsee.

>So strong... caress her abs.

All logic leaves you for a moment as you're overcome by wonder at that amazing strength. Being a youkai must be...[g]amazing...Such strength. And a perfect body. Feel those abs. Does she even work out?

And those beautiful eyes.[/g]

"You've got the right idea, kid." She hardly needs to move before she has your head pressed against hers.

>Hands up Parsee's shirt right fucking now

lol iou. Full H-scene incoming.

You wake up under the makeshift covers of your bed. Your back...actually doesn't seem to hurt that much. Strange, considering...Your mind and your eyes find their way back to Parsee, resting in your arms as naked as the day she was born and breathing lightly, her head softly rubbing against your chest in her sleep.

>Check your hands to see if they didn't mysteriously become penises overnight.

A horrible thought flashes through you, and you frantically check your hands to make sure they aren't penises. Still hands...Thank god. This way, you can rub her hair. Hear those makeshift purrs, feel her pressure against you, see a beautiful, serene smile. "Morning."

Well, damn. You wanted to get some more time in while she was sleeping, but a kiss will have to do. This one is lighter than those of last night, only just brushing against your lips for a moment before pulling back into another smile. There aren't words to say right now. Another hug, back to sleep. This is just one of those mornings.

You must have slipped away for a second there. Parsee seems to be back by what you can only assume is her...post, or something like it. "So, when were you planning on getting up? We've got a lot on our plates today." Always a surprise with this girl.

>"What's the plan?"

"What's the plan?" Wasting no time, you slip back into what clothes of yours you can find that aren't entirely torn. She walks toward you...slowly, but firmly. As firmly as one can walk, anyways. Her posture just kind of...demands a certain respect.
"You." She pokes your chest, almost hard enough to make you give up a step or two. "Need to get back into clean clothes, and if you're gonna be spending any more time down here you need to know where things are." She seems very focused. You'd almost mistake it for stability if it wasn't completely different from everything else you've seen from her, but the surprises are half the fun.

You push back the feeling that you'll be eating your foot for dating yet another crazy, because god damn it they're always the hottest. It'll work out this time! Or you'll die! Whichever works, really.

>Salute. "Yes Ma'am" with a smile "Uhh.... where are some clean clothes for guys?"

You snap your posture perfectly straight and shoot off a salute. "Yes'm. But, uh...where are some clean clothes for guys?"
"What did I just say? You're gonna learn your way around. In the mean time, get your clothes on and eat something. Breakfast is on the table."

...Oh, fuck. More of that "steak."

>Pork! Fuck yeah!

Well. Gotta eat something. You take a healthy bite out of it, this time expecting something akin to a jelly donut instead of meat, and find every bite just as difficult to take down as the first time. It almost seems to climb back up your throat as you swallow. This isn't what meat should be like at all.

>Resolve to teach Parsee the joys of flame broiling.

This stuff...could almost be good, if it was just cooked right. You make a mental note to teach Parsee about the joys of flame broiling, hoping dearly that at least one of those personalities likes working on a grill. "Having trouble?"

MMMMMMMMMMMmmmother FUCKER she has really got to stop doing that disappearing thing. Her slender arm reaches out from behind your head and grabs the mystery meat from you, pulling it toward your head. Past your head, and into her mouth. She turns your face lightly to look at her, as she sucks out as much of the jelly-like substance, letting out a small moan.

And she leans in

oh so slowly

takes your head in her hands

and forces it into your mouth.

Overpowered by her deceptively strong arms, you have no choice but to swallow what she gives you. What feels like an eternity passes, time slowed both by her intoxicating kiss and by this disgusting meal, which certainly tastes toxic. "Any easier?"

>Can I have dessert now?

"Can I have dessert?" Before she has another chance to fill her mouth with that goo, you pull her in for another kiss (by the ass, of course) which goes deeper and longer than any yet this morning.
"Not until you finish your dinner." How...what? When you open your eyes, you've got your tongue swirling around the open wound you gave your breakfast and Parsee is looking thoroughly amused several feet ahead of you.

> "...You are frustratingly good."

"If yesterday is any indication, so are you. Now if you're done fooling around, let's get moving. Clothes first." The walk back isn't nearly as long or as excruciating as you remember it being, though your nerves never quite relax while you're there. Everyone seems to give you knowing stares as you walk the streets, some upbeat and some downcast. What if Yuugi finds you two? What are the rules of engagement down here? Do you even have a say? Led by Parsee's grip, the clothing shop is...actually really quite expansive. Wow. Just one little detail...these are all women's clothes.

>Dress yourself.
Feel free to post your suggestions here. I'll be thinking about the currently-cast votes until next time.
No. 1653
I love this story.

I just wanted you to know that.
No. 1685
>>lol iou. Full H-scene incoming.

I wish you would stop doing that. I really do.
No. 1686
>lol iou. Full H-scene incoming.

I raged a little.
No. 1687
Yeah, yeah.

Look, man. H isn't easy for me to write, especially living with 8 people and an open computer and especially especially with the on-the-spot nature of the story.

It'll come when it comes. For now, go read one of the other several H-scenes I've written.
No. 1692

...Which ones?
Also, are the people you live with really the type to read over your shoulder?
No. 1694
There was David x Aoi in /border/ though that may be buried by now, there was at least one in ONI in /shrine/ with Suika x Tenshi, and I wrote the SCIENCE! Anniversary gift (Which isn't really something you should read without having read SCIENCE! but that's also one of the site's good stories and I would highly recommend it to anyone seriously go read it) which filled in the blanks that Klaymen left. I suppose three isn't really "several" but it's more than a lot of other people can lay claim to around here. And yes, they are.

Finished a little over a page of Parsee H and I'm as dissatisfied with it as I am with everything I do so I guess that means it's coming along all right. Yuugi H doesn't look like it's gonna happen unless people start shooting for a route somethin' serious. Stared at a blank page for a half hour or so before giving up.

This may be late, but I've been looking for the image that came to mind and I just can't seem to find it, so. Thanks. I really appreciate it. Just pretend I posted that heartwarming "I love you, Daddy Yuuka" edit.
No. 1700
are you trying to steal his thunder or are you just clueless?
No. 1704
Hey. Hey. Shut up.

Wiseman is one of the regular participants in IRC, and he's just writing what he wants to and pointing people who might be interested in the right direction. I don't have a monopoly on characters, and I don't care if other people choose to write similar things to what I write, especially porn. If I did I'd have never picked up a trip in the first place, and I sure as hell wouldn't have started this knowing /underground/ was on the way.

Please keep the unnecessary hostility out of this or any of my threads. Not cool, dude.
No. 1705
Personally I know Patchwork or RetroHippie would out do me vastly, but if you need your fix of Yuugi (and eventfully Parsee H, though that's not coming along easily)


My intent was merely to show people something to tide them over, that is all.
No. 1708
>Finished a little over a page of Parsee H and I'm as dissatisfied with it as I am with everything I do so I guess that means it's coming along all right.
Self-deprecation, but you've learned to look at it from outside of your own head.
That's good.