You see that image?
That is Lady Iku. That's right. Not Ms,Miss, Old Hag, or any of that normal civilian shit. What's that? You're coming? More like she is. She about to deliver 10,000 VOLTS of electricity straight to your tiny brain.
She can do that because she is a oarfish. Niggas know oarfish eat plankton and shit thunder.
Even the GLORIOUS NIPPON know she is awesome cool. TL Note: That's what the moonrunes say.
What? Fish can't fly? The fuck are you not smoking? LOOK THAT SCARF. If I had a frilly scarf like that, I could fly too.
Know you niggas are thinking OH SHE SMELLS LIKE FISH STICKS.
No, you dumb fuck. She smells like DEATH and CHARRED FLESH. She is a YOUKAI. Lady Iku would sooner rip out your prostate then stimulating it with electricity or some pointy tentacle.
I like that.
Like a true Lady, she has her own bitch. But we don't give a fuck about her. Lady Iku steals the spotlight. But that's cool. I'll love that fever she gives me nightly.
Hither came Wriggle, the Nightbug, green-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of Gensokyo under her sandalled feet.
From the north she rode, All-Slayer, she who had cut still-beating hearts out of all who stood against her. From strange skulls were her goblets wrought, silver-plated, hollowed heads of Cimmeria's chieftains, those foolish enough to oppose her will.
Down like the northern wind she went, driving the legions of Aquilonia before her, swept them off the fields of battle with her sword and her thousand stings. Untold towns she put to the sword until all gates before her were flung open in fear and submission, and so it was with great Tarantia, that shining jewel, where the old king faced the swarm-sorceress, her poison turning blue blood black while his guardsmen ran in terror.
So it was when Wriggle seated herself upon the throne of gold, when she dined on the finest meals and was pleasured by the fairest maidens of the kingdom. When fifteen thousand of Cimmeria's warriors stood behind her, hungrily searching for their next battle, for they knew that all who stood against them would die, blood blackened and drawn forth by the sword of their queen.
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Wriggle The Barbarian, bitches. You wish you were as manly as her.
Alright you cockgobbling chucklefucks, sit your asses down 'cause you're about to get TOLD.
This here's Teewee Inabox, and she's the baddest motherfucker in Toho. Bitch'll get inside your head so far, she can shit in your cereal and make you eat it, and you'll believe it's the best fucking thing you've ever had. She's like motherfucking Hannibal Lecter with bunny ears, and you're the spunk-chucking whackjob she convinces to kill himself because she's all about the mindfuck shit, man. Except she's not making you hang yourself for busting a nut onto Carrie Fisher or whoever, and that shit's just RUDE no matter how hot the bitch might be in that metal bikini, she's making you eat her shit just because she CAN. If she could make you do it while also hanging yourself, she totally could, and would sell the video on the internet. It's like if life was a frat, then she's the Jedi Fucking Master of initiations. Shit's fucking ZEN.
Don't think it's all about mindfucking, though. She does plenty of regular fucking, too. I tell ya, bitch is living the fucking LIFE. See, she has this place called Eintea, which is like moon-speak for Infinite Fuck Palace or some shit, which it totally is. Shit's like the Playboy Mansion, and she's the motherfucking Heff. Tealeaves even has, like, the princess of Japanland there, so you know shit's fucking CLASSY. It's the kind of place where you'd have to rob a bank just to afford a handjob, but it would be so fucking worth it.
So she's living the pimp life, with a cadre of bitches on-call and is that enough for her? Fuck no! While the average cuntmuncher might be happy just banging bitches while making motherfuckers try to walk a straight line while holding an egg in their ass and sucking their own cocks, she regularly goes all "Lata, dongbenders!" and runs off to commune with nature or some shit. But this ain't some pussy-ass hippie shit where she's hugging trees, fuck no, she's a goddamn survivalist, sleeping under the stars and training her pimp-hand by fucking up bears and shit with her CQC.
In summary, Twinkie Indonesia is what you would get if you fused Hefner, Hannibal, Solid Snake, and that bunny from that movie with the coconuts into the ultimate form of Fuck Shit Up. Bitch is fucking berserker, and if you question it she'll make you eat your own face and ask for seconds.
