Small little rewrite here of
>>16162 This update had been keeping me awake at night. After rereading through the story, I realized that this update had some of the worst cliches so I felt it extremely urgent and necessary to completely rewrite it and give it a much better and natural feel than it had originally.
Also I'm about halfway done with the next proper update for the story. I'll try to have it up sometime early later tomorrow (technically today). Please wait warmly as girls are preparing.
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[X] "She's pretty cute I guess."
You sit for a moment as you stare at your cup of tea. You hadn't really thought much about what Marisa means to you just yet. She's been a great host to you so far--letting you stay at her place after crash landing here in Gensokyo, then saving your life from a darkness youkai that seemed so much less threatening when it was staring at you from your computer screen. Your thoughts then wander to Marisa's personality instead of just her actions. She's rather childish in the way she acts around you and tries not to show you her soft side. Also she has such an interesting way of speaking--ending all her sentences with "~ze." You find it cute. That's a good word for her: cute.
"Marisa... She's a pretty cute girl." You begin to say before taking a sip of tea. "She's been so nice to me in the little time that I've known her, and she's kind of childish from time to time but she's fun to be around. I mean I don't hate her at all, if that's what you were getting at, and I'm really thankful for her and all she's done for me since I've arrived in Gensokyo.
"I see, so that's what you think of her. Fair enough. Since you're spending time around her though, just be careful with her." Rinnosuke says holding his tea in his lap. "She isn't a fragile girl by any stretch of the imagination, but if you find a way to hurt her, you won't have just her to deal with just her--although I'm sure that would be worrisome enough without me there." As Rinnosuke finishes giving his warning, you notice a little flash of black and white in the reflection of his glasses. You turn back to the doorway behind you but nothing's there--
was Marisa listening in on your conversation?
"Thanks for the warning, I'll keep that in mind." You say as you continue to drink your tea.
"In any case, here." Rinnosuke says as he hands you the Mini-Hakkero, his voice has returned to his normal calm tone. "It really wasn't that badly damaged so I fixed it up while I was making the tea. I think Marisa just needed an excuse to come here other than showing off her new friend. Anyways, could you call Marisa for me, a letter came from the human village with very important news pertaining to Marisa."
You nod as you head off back into the main part of the store. Again you trip over the various odds and ends scattered about as you search for the ordinary black and white magic girl. You continue to notice items from the outside world that Rinnosuke didn't have you identify for him yet. Eventually you come across a narrow aisle that Marisa happens to be at the end of.
"There you are! I'd been looking for you. Rinnosuke says that he has a letter with some very important news relating to you." You call out to Marisa down the aisle. "Also Rinnosuke had finished fixing your Mini-Hakkero." You explain as you hand the little octagonal box over to her. "What were you looking at anyways?"
Marisa turns around as she hears you calling to her, a sword resembling a western broadsword with a gold encrusted hilt lays in her arms.
"Just this. It's a sword that Rinnosuke took off of my hands~ze. He calls it the
Sword of Kirisame. I had been trying to get it back for a while because I hate getting rid of my stuff." Marisa explains as she looks down at the sword. "But you said Kourin has some urgent news for me~ze?" She asks as you nod in response. "Here, hold this." She says as she hands the sword over to you. "I'll go see what's up." With that Marisa runs off to the backroom to talk to Rinnosuke.
After watching Marisa run off your attention turns to the sword that's now laying in your arms. It's a rather heavy sword but it seems very beautifully crafted. The gold across the handle weaves itself along the hilt and forms an ergonomic looking handle. The sheath of the sword is similarly adorned at the top and the bottom with some odd looking symbols and text written across the middle of the sheath. As you continue staring at the sword--either from sheer curiosity or some other force--you can't help but feel compelled to pull the sword from its sheath. As you wrap your hand around the handle of the sword you hear loud shouting coming from the back room.
"...and so what If he's my father~ze?! I told him I'd never go back to the human village!" Marisa shouts angrily at Rinnosuke.
"But Marisa, please. This is your father we're talking about and he's very ill. If you don't visit him now, you may not get a chance to later." Rinnosuke tries to plead to Marisa, his voice still as calm as ever.
"I don't care~ze!" Marisa shouts as she storms out the front door. "Hey!" She shouts at you. "We're going now~ze!" She shouts harshly at you, it seems she's unintentionally taking her frustration out on anyone right now.
As you walk towards the front door a hand places itself on your shoulder from behind.
"And where do you think you're going with that?" Rinnosuke asks as you suddenly realize that you're still holding the Sword of Kirisame.
"Oh, sorry!" You begin as you offer the sword back to Rinnosuke. "I had forgotten that I had it still."
"That's alright. Before that little spat that Marisa and I had, she had mentioned that you were pretty defenseless right now. I'm a little hesitant to give that sword up, but it might be a good idea for you to hang on to that sword for now. It used to belong to Marisa first anyhow."
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The sword of Kusa-... Kirisame
[X] Take the sword.
[ ] Don't take the sword.
Marisa
[ ] "Marisa, we should go visit your father if he's sick."
[ ] "Marisa, we don't have to go if you don't want to" (suggest somewhere else)
[X] "Marisa, can we go to the human village? We don't have to visit your father there if you don't want to."
[ ] "Marisa, let's just go back home."