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File 128685357865.jpg - (69.76KB, 500x334, Thatdoor___.jpg) [iqdb]
[x] Go back and open that freezer.


What's behind that freezer door?

That door.

That door...

[x] Ask Tenshi to toss a huge rock at Aya’s house to bust open a hole in the wall. Wanton violence solves EVERYTHING!
[x] Maybe you can find someone to help persuade Reimu to let you in. Wonder where Marisa is right now?
[x] Wait…Offering box! Quickly go to Reimu’s shrine and hold the offering box hostage!
[x] Give up and go to Remilia’s castle.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.
[X] Give up and go to Remilia’s castle.

Even if we lose Aya, we can gain many more allies from the SDM.
[X] Give up and go to Remilia’s castle.

And the greatest tutor in Gensokyo.
[x] Maybe you can find someone to help persuade Reimu to let you in. Wonder where Marisa is right now?
[X] Give up and go to Remilia’s castle.
[X] So the barrier can hold a punch. What about a running jump off the ground?

We knock on the door, take a few steps back, once Reimu opens the door, we run and jump at the opening. We may be able to get farther in and grab Reimu before getting tossed out again. Or we just fly right through. either way works.
[X] Give up and go to Remilia’s castle.
[x] Give up and go to Remilia’s castle.
[X] Go to Remilia's Castle?

Castle? I thought it was a mansion...
File 128688525727.jpg - (30.92KB, 288x374, its_a_trap.jpg) [iqdb]
Woah, a second vote? I get the feeling that whatever's in that freezer is really gonna screw all chances of a Good End or something.


Pssh, presumably Yukari manipulated the boundary between Mansion and Castle. OH WAIT- IT'S A TRAP

[x] Give up and go to Remilia’s castle.mansion.

By the way, Hat, I forgot to mention something earlier:

> If they want him to be an immoral bastard and go sexing up everything (which is currently what I'm seeing happen right now) then that is what they're going to make him do.

Something tells me that it has less with how immoral Anon wants Joe to be and more to do with their desire for H. After all, we were put in a similar position before with Marisa and we choose to resist then, but now that you've agreed to write H, the votes have swung around considerably. Just something you should probably keep in mind the next time you set choices out during a H-scene.
File 128689369290.png - (149.08KB, 406x372, Crazy Asshole.png) [iqdb]
There's a reason why I'm calling it a castle, but I was just accosted by a squirrel who fancies himself Ezio and I would rather marvel at how batshit insane it was than explain myself right now.

Just wait and find out.
Is that music stolen from Medievil 2?
File 128690385284.jpg - (68.20KB, 679x1024, merchant.jpg) [iqdb]
[x] Give up and go to Remilia’s castle.

You know what? Fuck it, you don’t care about Aya anymore. She’s more trouble than she’s worth anyway. Stupid bird, girl, person, thing. You could always get someone to replace Aya anyways, it shouldn’t be hard to find someone like Aya (FORESHADOWING?!).

“So does that mean you’re giving up daddy?” Tenshi asks with a disappointed tone in her voice.
HAHA, no. You’d never lose to Aya, you just…have to go to work is all. Where did Remilia say she lived? In a castle? Mansion? Whatever, It sounds like it’d stick out so it shouldn’t be THAT hard to find.

“Well, if you gotta work, then can I go play in the human village?” Tenshi asks you and you wave your hand to let her know that you’re busy thinking, but she takes it as a yes.

“Yay! I’m gonna have lots of fun today!” And, before you know it, she raises another rock out of the ground and soars towards the human village. You don’t mind her going out to do her own thing, but she could have at least given you a ride to Remilia’s…house.
Yeah, you’re pretty sure she said house.

Well, first order of business is getting off this damned mountain. You’re pretty sure you know where the human village is, especially from the view you have up here, but there’s still a lot of shit to pass on the way there and its all just one big hassle. Oh well, you trudge down the mountain path and actually somehow manage to get lost. All you did was followed the path, how the hell did you get lost??

After several minutes of being lost, you kinda wish someone would randomly pass by so they can help you get off of this stupid…Oh hey, is that a river you hear? At first the sound was faint and you thought it was just background noise, but as you continue to head in the general direction of where the sound is coming from it starts getting louder and louder until its almost a roar. Huh, what if you followed that river to civilization? The river has to lead somewhere, probably a lake if anything, so its worth a shot. The sound of rushing water is getting very close and just a few more dozen feet and you’ll probably be able to see it…As soon as you step off the pathway towards where you assume the waterfall is,

“PSST! Over here!”

A shady voice calls out to you and you turn around to see a figure in a giant hooded coat with a backpack and a mask to cover his face. He waves at you from behind a tree and beckons you to come over to where he is. Huh, he looks AND sounds quite familiar to you, but you just can’t place your finger on it. How peculiar…
Oh well, its probably nothing. You ignore him and walk back towards the direction of the river…

“You look like your lost! I have something that you might be interested in…” The hooded figure then pulls out a rolled up sheet of yellow paper from the inside of his coat and waves it in the air to get your interest. Why, if you didn’t know any better, you would say that’s a map…
Oh, but wait, you don’t have any money. Damn.

“Don’t worry about money! I’m sure we can work out a bargain from whatever’s in that sack of yours.”
He continues to beckon you over as if desperate to get your business. Poor guy’s probably hit hard times and had to become a traveling peddler.

“Sir! I am deeply offended by your accusations! I’m an honest merchant, not a simple peddler. My goods come from all around Gensokyo and even from the world outside the barrier! Only the finest goods here sir!” He continues to “whisper” to you, but he’s doing a terrible job of being incognito. Why is he even “whispering” to you anyways? And how is he reading your mind like this?

“I am NOT reading your mind sir! You’re talking to yourself and I’m simply assuring you that I am only but an honest merchant. And I’m keeping my voice down because the kappa are nearby…”


“Oh yes, the kappa. They are dreadful little things that’ll hold you down and suck a ball out your anus as soon as they lay their eyes on you! I swear to it!”

Wow, that’s kind of fucked up.

“Plus its almost impossible to sell anything around here because of their technology and they basically have a monopoly on the human village…” He says this out loud and you almost pity him.

[x] A map! Just what you needed!
[x] A trap! Just what you didn’t need! Just go to the waterfall already.
[x] Nah, you don’t need a map OR a waterfall. Backtrack to Aya’s house and try to convince Reimu into letting you in.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.
[x] A map! Just what you needed!

What are ya buyin'?
[x] A map! Just what you needed!

Since we can't fly and we aren't channeling someone's ability to fly a map will be helpful. Besides, who are we to not allow Capitalism to take root? This man is an entrepreneur, we shouldn't ignore him just because he's a stranger.

File 128691641636.jpg - (58.99KB, 800x600, hc2.jpg) [iqdb]
[x] Handcannon
[x] A map! Just what you needed!
[x] Go back and open that freezer.
[X] A map! Just what you needed!
[x] A map! Just what you needed!
File 128698234370.png - (1.08MB, 850x1194, sample_dc1c75ef334483604ded8c0f02512b75cc8f692f.png) [iqdb]
[x] A map! Just what you needed!

FINALLY! No longer do you have to rely on others to get around Gensokyo! You’re so happy, you do the hustle right there and hustle your way towards the shady man.

“Well I’m glad I got your attention, sir. Now what are you willing to trade for this here map?”

Hmm, how about a peach? You pull a peach off of your hat and give it to him. He takes the peach and turns around to eat it. He turns back around and faces you.

“Hmm, that was delicious, but I’m afraid that’s not enough for the map, you see.”

You give him 3 more peaches.

“Well now! If you put it that way, then I would be happy to give you this map.”


Huzzah! You hold the map over your head in glorious triumph as the merchant guy turns around to eat the peaches you gave him. You get ready to open the map, but it seems like the merchant isn’t done with you yet. He turns back around to see that the peaches on your hat somehow magically grew back and is willing to make another bargain with you.

“Ah, those peaches were delicious!”

He reaches into his backpack and pulls out a brown rope with a handle on one end.

“I have here a legendary whip that was passed down from the Balmont family for generations. Legend says that their family was charged with the task of sealing Darcula away every time he reincarnates for the rest of eternity, and now you, my friend, have the opportunity to own this legendary weapon!”

He holds it out to you and lets you hold it for a bit. You can’t tell if it really is a legendary whip, but it certainly does look old.

“Ah yes, I’m sure you’re thinking that owning this precious weapon would cost a king’s ransom. Not to worry my friend, I’m sure that your hat would make a fair deal for it, yes?”

You glare at him. Your hat isn’t going anywhere.

“Well it’s a good thing I don’t want it then. Would you happen to have any items you wish to trade for it?”

How about peaches instead? You can never run out of those.

“Ah you see, peaches might be delicious and all, but an honest merchant like meself cannot sustain himself on peaches alone. Perhaps there might be something else you’re willing to trade for the whip?”

Hmm, you open your bag and dig inside of it. Perhaps he’ll like the spool of magic threa…Huh.
As you pull out the oil lamp to dig deeper into your bag, a familiar doll is holding onto the handle and staring right into your soul. How did it get into your bag without you knowing? WHEN did it get into your bag? You look at the doll and images of your friend begin to flow into your mind. You kinda miss Alice…

“Ohhh! That’s a fine piece of craftsmanship you got there, sir! That would be the work of the magician who lives in the woods. Her work is quite popular to the kids in the human village and quite rare too. She rarely, if ever, sells her dolls and it would sell for quite the pretty penny…So how about this, my legendary whip passed from generation to generation for that there doll.”

Hmm, you don’t know. You suddenly feel quite attached to this doll and you’d rather not give it away so easily…

“Come on, sir. What would you possibly need that doll for? This legendary whip would serve you much better.”

[x] Okay, deal. Exchange the doll for the whip.
[x] No…keep the doll.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.
[x] No …keep the doll.
[x] No …keep the doll.
Let's see. On one hand, we can use the doll as an excuse to meet Alice and not be shunned.
On the other hand, we can run through Remilia's castle-house-mansion stealing pot roast and item crashing holy water.

[x] Go back and open that freezer.
Alternatively, we try the freezer again.
[X] No …keep the doll.
-[X] Remember the Castlevania games.
--[X] Also remember what the whip does to those not of the Belmont line.

Either Hat made some typo's for Belmont and Dracula...or it was on purpose. Either way, this is the only path.

And stop trying to railroad us to that damn freezer. Yuka said not to open it, and I don't feel like dealing with angry Yuka at the moment.
[x] No…keep the doll.

From what Hat has written, I get this feeling that Joe is going to have a segment where he channels Belnonymous. Or something. Still, points to those who caught the not typos and remembered the whip conditions.
[x] No …keep the doll.

A whip that will eventually kill us or Shanghai?

Easy choice.
[x] No …keep the doll. Despite not having a single idea of how it came into your possession.

Creepy doll aside, it could be used as a better bargaining chip than... you know... a whip?

Unless of course it kills us. I'm hoping it doesn't.
[X] No keep the doll

Let's go hang with alice after we're done at SDM, we still owe her a talking to. Plus she's awesome
[x] No …keep the doll.
I miss alice :(
beat up the merchant and take his stuff.
[x]Shanghai option
What kind of terrible monster would we be if we traded away Shanghai?
[x] >>23965

Sorry but we're keeping the adorable doll. Also we're badass enough as it is. Not to mention going to the SDM with a vampire killing whip may be problematic.
File 128706980969.jpg - (196.84KB, 600x800, 5cb1441783ec5bbbbf4f7fdf7692ce87.jpg) [iqdb]
[x] No…keep the doll.

(Oh god, partied too hard last night and got back at like, 4 in the morning. If there’s something weird about this update then my bad.)

Your sudden attachment to this doll is quite perplexing and you refuse the merchants offer.

“Oh…well then…” He puts the whip back into his backpack and he pulls out another item.

“Might I interest you in a bottle of holy water in exchange for that doll?” He presents to you what looks like a wine bottle full of slightly murky water with the label removed.
You continue to stare into the doll’s eyes and you decline his offer without looking up at him.

“A shame…how about this axe?” A simple axe with a crude handle. The blade looks as sharp as that wine bottle.


“Hmm, silver cross?” A slightly tarnished, slightly bent piece of metal bearing a slight resemblance to a cross.


“You’re a toughie ain’t ya? Okay time to bring out the big guns. What about this watch that stops time? I call it a stopwatch!” A broken watch that no longer tells time. Stuck at 9:49.


“Holy bible?” Looks like a dictionary to you.


“This knife?” Looks as sharp as his wit.


“A silver knife?” You have a feeling he pulled out the same knife as before.


“A golden knife?” It looks like it was stained in piss.


“Garlic?” Looks old, like everything else.


“WELL! It seems like the acquisition of that doll is non-negotiable isn’t it?”

Well, it took him long enough to realize this, but yes.

“Well then, it seems like we’ve reached an impasse. Oh well, if I can’t help you any further then I bid you farewell, stranger!” He waves at you and when you look back up at him, he seems to fade away into the woods and disappear. Huh, that’s kind of weird.

“Thank you mister.”

Uh, you’re welcome tiny voice?

“You could have sold me to that shady man, but you kept me instead. Can we be friends mister?”

You instinctively look down at the tiny voice that seems to be coming from your hands and the doll simply stares back at you.

“I love you!”

Oh FUCK!!!

You jump back in shock and the doll flies from your hand and into the bushes.

“Ouch mister! Why did you do that?”

You sit there and stare at the bush it landed in for a while to see what it’d do next. Almost a minute passes and you hear its little voice again.

“M-mister? Are you there? Please don’t leave me alone! Its dark and scary! I don’t want to be left alone again!”

Its voice is pitiful, you can’t help but crawl into the bush and fish it out. You hold it in your hand again and pick some of the leaves from its hair.

“Thank you mister! I thought you abandoned me like Alice did a long time ago. I’m sorry I can’t move mister, but I promise I’ll be good! Please let me stay with you mister!”

The doll looks up at you sadly and limply dangles in your arms. Well, you guess you don’t mind the company of a strange doll that can talk, but…

“Mister, I saw some of Alice’s magic thread in your bag. If you connect it to your body, I can channel your magic and be able to move normally!”

Uh…how are you going to do that? Plus you don’t have any magic…

“So long as you have any kind of power, I can tap into it. The end of the thread can actually puncture into anything and will stay connected so long as there’s some kind of magic going through it.”

You don’t know…

[x] Connect the thread to the doll and your hand and see what happens. If all else fails, let it ride your hat like a mechanical bull.
[x] Just toss it into your bag. You found it there, so that’s where it’ll stay.
[x] Dump it. You don’t trust the thing.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.

If you chose the first option:

[x] Tell it to stop calling you mister! Instead, have it call you <Master, Joe, etc.>
[x] No, mister’s fine.
Oh, pfft, almost forgot.
Give it a name if you chose the first option.

(Otherwise, I'm just going to call it Doll.
[x] Connect the thread to the doll and your hand and see what happens. If all else fails, let it ride your hat like a mechanical bull.
-[x] Stop calling me Mister, call me Joe.
-[x] I shall dub thee, Diana Pepper.

Oh boy, Doll Companion. This will be interesting. I think Joe will have a better time with a doll companion.
[*] Connect the thread to the doll and your hand and see what happens. If all else fails, let it ride your hat like a mechanical bull.
-[*] Stop calling me Mister, call me Joe.
-[*]Her name shall be Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobella Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andrt Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the third!! Or Val for short.

That name's good enough for me.

[x] Connect the thread to the doll and your hand and see what happens. If all else fails, let it ride your hat like a mechanical bull.
-[x] Stop calling me Mister, call me Joe.
-[x]Her name shall be Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobella Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andrt Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the third!! Or Val for short.

You forgot Diana.
[X] Connect the thread to the doll and your hand and see what happens. If all else fails, let it ride your hat like a mechanical bull.
-[X] Stop calling me Mister, call me Joe.
-[X]Her name shall be Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobella Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andrt Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the third!! Or Val for short.

Sure, why not.
[X] Connect the thread to the doll and your hand and see what happens. If all else fails, let it ride your hat like a mechanical bull.
-[X] Stop calling me Mister, call me Joe.
-[X]Her name shall be Cincinnati, or Cindy to be short.

I think she's a present from Alice
[x] Connect the thread to the doll and your hand and see what happens. If all else fails, let it ride your hat like a mechanical bull.
-[x] Stop calling me Mister, call me Joe.
-[x]Her name shall be Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobella Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andrt Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the third!! Or Val for short.

Anon's three main weaknesses: little dolls, little faries and, little devils.
[X] Connect the thread to the doll and your hand and see what happens. If all else fails, let it ride your hat like a mechanical bull.
-[X] Stop calling me Mister, call me Joe.
-[X]Her name shall be Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobella Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andre Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the third!! Or Val for short.
[x] Connect the thread to the doll and your hand and see what happens. If all else fails, let it ride your hat like a mechanical bull.
-[x] if it works, let it ride your hat anyways.
-[x]Her name shall be Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobella Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andrt Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the third!! Or Val for short.

[x] Stop calling me Mister, call me Joe
>"Little" : sub-template. Adds +10 to all stats and 90% damage reduction. Free action: 'Moe': all creatures with the template 'Anonymous' have to make a Will save DC 99 or get charmed.

So wait, that makes me immune? Ah whatever, companions which we get to name are always fun!

Oh and add this to my vote even though this might be too late already.
[X] Find the Doll better clothes. If people see you with a doll with a frilly dress they might start questioning you a bit more than usual.
[X] Find the Doll better clothes. If people see you with a doll with a frilly dress they might start questioning you a bit more than usual.


> all creatures with the template 'Anonymous' have to make a Will save DC 99 or get charmed.

Most of us anyway. Personally, I couldn't care less, however I do like to read about stuff that would be considered Nightmare Fuel.

Which is why I have the 'Stone Cold Hearted Bastard' trait.

> Stone Cold Hearted Bastard: sub-template. Adds +5 to all stats, +50 health, and 50% damage reduction. Free action: 'Monster': all creatures without the trait 'Badass' 'Complete Monster' or 'Just As Planned' get a 50% stat reduction. Immune to 'Moe'.
File 128715269263.jpg - (155.89KB, 640x480, 3326b8a46863c2e6cfb716a38bf58092.jpg) [iqdb]
[x] Connect the thread to the doll and your hand and see what happens. If all else fails, let it ride your hat like a mechanical bull.
-[x] Stop calling me Mister, call me Joe.
-[x]Her name shall be Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobella Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andrt Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the third!! Or Val for short.

(Fun fact, all but about 4 names were considered “incorrect” by the auto spellchecker. Try to guess those 4.)

Hmm, well its worth a shot. what’s the worst that could happen?

You take the magic thread out of your bag and after unraveling a decent length of thread, you tug on it sharply and the thread separates from the spool. Hmm, not so strong without magic running through it, is it? You take one end of the thread and hold the doll on the other end…Uh, you guess you should insert it into her back, but the thread doesn’t look like it’ll go throu…oh wait, never mind.

You press the end of the thread onto the doll’s back, right between its shoulder blades and it goes in easily.

“Teehee, that tickles!”

Well that was easy enough. You take the other end of the thread and press it into the tip of your index finger, just in case something goes horribly wrong and you have to pull it out quickly. As soon as you press it ever so slightly into your finger, the string begins to illuminate and light travels down the string towards the doll. The sensation can only be described like having blood drawn from your body, but instead of blood it feels like its your energy being drained away instead.

“Yay! I can move again!” The doll suddenly leaps out of your hand and drifts slowly into the air. It keeps going until the string connecting it to you is completely taut and she just hovers there a few feet in the air. Then she starts to fly in circles over your head, giggling the entire time. The sight is, honestly, a little ridiculous, but who are you to ruin its fun? After about a minute of her flying around (well, she’s not exactly going very fast, so maybe its floating around?) your head in circles, she gently lands on your hat and sits there.

“Thanks you mister! I wasn’t able to move like that for a long time! Not since Alice abandoned me.” Oh yeah, it mentioned something about being abandoned by Alice didn’t it?

“Mister, I’m a girl doll! I’m not an ‘it’!”

Well, you’re not ‘Mister’ either. You tell ‘her’ to call you Joe and you’ll reference ‘her’ in the feminine gender.

“Well, I have a name, Joe, its…”

Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobella Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andrt Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the third.

“What? N-no, my name is…”

Or Val for short.


What? It’s a pretty name.

“Okay, my name is Val. Nice to meet you Joe!”

Its nice to meet her too, but its kind of awkward talking to someone sitting on your head.

“Oh! I’m sorry Joe!” She floats off of your hat and hovers in front of your face.

“There, is that better?” Yes it is, now you ask her about her ties with Alice and how exactly she got into your bag. She looks kind of sad when you mention Alice, but she tells you her story anyways.

“A long time ago, Alice made me in hopes of creating a sentient doll to have as a companion. That is to say, she didn’t stop trying to make a sentient doll, but she does it differently now.”

Why? What went wrong?

“Well, at first she was so happy when she heard me say my first words, ‘I wuv you mashtur!’ But her joy quickly faded when she saw how defective I was…Or I should say am…”

She looks down again and you wait for her to continue.

“I couldn’t move on my own like my master Alice wanted me to. Yes, I could very slowly walk on my own, but she had to connect me to a thread so I could get around more properly. Even with the magic flowing in me I still couldn’t move as well as her other dolls. My sentience got in the way of Alice controlling me, so I was a constant burden on her. I couldn’t do anything right, I broke the dishes I was supposed to help her clean, I couldn’t organize her books properly, I even accidentally set her house on fire and burned most of her books and my sisters away. Her patience continued to wear thin as all I could do was apologize and answer her questions. At first this seemed to be the only thing I could do right, but I didn’t know a lot of words and I could only respond to Alice’s questions with ‘I don’t know, master’. I knew she was going to throw me out if I couldn’t prove my worth to her, so I tried to initiate conversations myself. This consisted of me saying, ‘Hey, listen!’ trying to get her attention and her ignoring me for the most part, but if she did listen to me I couldn’t say anything other than ‘I love you!’. At first she thought this was cute, but I didn’t know anything else to say and it got old quickly.”

Ah, you can kind of understand the ‘Hey, listen!’ thing. That would get extremely annoying if you had a companion that would constantly say that over and over again. But how come Val seems to have a greater vocabulary now?

“Well, she tried to teach me, but I’m so much of a failure that after hours of Alice tutoring, I barely learned anything. She gave up after a while and so did I. She disconnected my thread from her and placed me on one of her shelves. I didn’t resist at all and just accepted my fate to collect dust, but she asked me, possibly out of pity, possibly out of sympathy, if I wanted anything before she left me to continue on with her life. I could have asked her for anything like a second chance or just to carry me around in her pocket, but I asked her for a book, a dictionary to be precise. I just couldn’t just give up hoping, it’s a trait I was born with. She warned me that if I moved from that spot on the shelf, that she would throw me away and I knew she meant it because I was prone to accidental destruction, so I promised her that I would be good. So, every day, I would try to read that dictionary and teach myself something new, just one word a day. Every night while Alice was sleeping, I would stand up and try to walk back and forth on that shelf and better my movement. One day, I hoped, I would impress Alice. One day I would show her that I wasn’t a failure.”

And she somehow screwed it up, right? Val nods at you sadly and continues her tale.

“Years passed by and I continued my diligent studies and exercises. I improved greatly from when I was first placed on that shelf, but Alice continued her project on dolls and, instead of making dolls that had its own sentience, she instead gave it an understanding of commands. I watched her make these new dolls that could walk, dance, fly, interact with each other, all with very little effort on her part. They did everything I couldn’t, but the only thing I had that they didn’t was a consciousness. They followed her orders, sometimes to the death as she placed gunpowder inside them and, I assume, blew them up outside (I couldn’t see what happened, but I definitely heard it), but they didn’t feel like I did. They didn’t have dreams, thoughts, or ambitions, but they were exactly what she wanted. I knew that whatever I could do, they could do better, but I didn’t want to accept that fact. I knew that if I could prove my intelligence to her, then I would be superior. One night I practiced jumping back and forth across that shelf, but I accidentally fell off and couldn’t get back up. I never learned how to fly without magical aid, but I prayed that everything else I learned would impress Alice. That morning she walked into the room and I called out to her, ‘Master! Master!’ and she looked down at me with disgust. I suppose it was because I was nervous or afraid of failure, but I couldn’t say anything than what I told her all those years before, ‘I love you master!’. She picked me up roughly, carried me towards the storage room and unceremoniously tossed me in there. She probably hadn’t the heart to throw me out, but now I was alone in the dark and I knew I was a true failure in my masters eyes.”

Aww, that’s really sad…You feel some tears coming forth, but you quickly stow them away. You only shed manly tears and NOW’S NOT THE TIME.

“I sat there in the darkness for a long time. I don’t know how long I was in there, but I dreamed that I was Alice’s favorite doll. She would play with me all the time and we would go on picnics and everything. I would sometimes hear her friend Marisa come over and would pretend that I was there with her too. Marisa would come over to borrow some of her books and Alice would get mad at her and I would stop Marisa from running away by tripping her and we would all have a good laugh in the end.”

You see Val floating there, not looking at you at all, but in a far off place. A happy place. She eventually snaps out of it and continues.

“But that would never happen, and I would just sit there in the dark and dream of a life I would never have. That is, until you met Alice. I knew Alice made a new friend, and I dreamed of what you looked like. Dreamed of all the fun things that all of use could do together. Then, one day, I heard you rummaging around her house, as if you were looking for something. I didn’t know what would happen if you saw me, so I panicked and hid in a bag at the back of the storage room. Of course, you found the bag and started placing things in it with me inside, but you never bothered to look inside the bag itself. I guess you just assumed it was empty. I think you looked inside the bag several times, but you somehow completely overlooked me. I guess the mind chooses to see what it wants to see, huh?”

Well, if that’s true then why didn’t Val just pop out and introduce herself to you?

“I was afraid. I didn’t want to be rejected again. I was happy being jostled painfully around in that bag with the other items so long as we could go on adventures together, even if you didn’t know I was there. A part of me was hoping that you would see me one day, and another part didn’t want you to know of my existence. I just couldn’t take it anymore and so when you opened your bag to find something to trade the merchant, I held onto the oil lamp so that you would see me. I suddenly realized the situation I had placed myself and that if I said something, you would see me as a valuable trade off and sell me to the merchant, so I kept my mouth shut. Unfortunately, the merchant had a keen eye and saw me as valuable anyways, so my dream of going on adventures with you faded away with those words. But, Joe, I’m so happy that you didn’t sell me to that man because now I can go on adventures with you and maybe, one day, I can prove myself to Alice! So…will you please let me stay with you? I promise not to talk if you don’t want me to. I’ll do anything you want, just please let me stay with you!”

Her little tiny voice is frantic with desperation and holds onto her dress in anxiety.
Well, yeah, how can you say no with a story like that?

“YAY!” She twirls in the air and lands on your hat.

So, with tha-

“Mmm, these peaches are tasty.”

Wait…what? Is…is she eating your peaches? The doll with no human anatomy? How?? Why???

“Because they taste good…”

You hear a slight “om nom nom” coming from your hat. You don’t even want to know why a doll would eat peaches and you just assume that she’s just converting the peach into energy or something.

SO, with that said:

[x] Onwards to Remilia’s house thing!
[x] Backwards to Aya’s house!
[x] Go back and open that freezer.
[x] Onwards to Remilia’s house thing!

Still have that job to do.
[x] Onwards to Remilia’s house thing!
-[X] Put down some ground rules with your doll, mainly, staying quiet while Joe is having his fun.

Maybe you should teach Val the finer points of being a badass. Badass doll, now that would be awesome. Loud-mouthed, alcohol-drinking, obscenity-spewing badass doll.
Patchouli should have a book on that, right?
[x] Onwards to Remilia’s house thing!
[x] Onwards to Remilia’s house thing!
[x] Onwards to Remilia’s house thing!
[x] Go back and open that freezer.


[x] Onwards to Remilia’s house thing!
[x] Onwards to Remilia’s house thing!
[X] Backwards to Aya’s house!

Pissing against the tide!
[x] >>23995

Maybe Val'll help out.
[*] Go back and open that freezer.
I get more and more curious about it each update.
[x] Onwards to Remilia’s house thing!
[X] Remi's house thing

Hmm, Tenshi would probably enjoy this doll. First we goota show off to Alice how we have a smart doll who eats though.
[x] Backwards to Aya’s house!
File 128725588589.jpg - (211.60KB, 640x480, 857ba0e76c66cfc4c222460111a574b3.jpg) [iqdb]
[x] Onwards to Remilia’s house thing!

Okay then! No more distractions, its time to mosey on out to Remilia’s house.

“Alright! Its time to make like a tree and leaf” Val cheers!
Oh that’s cute, she’s punny.

“Oh oh, or…” She looks around at the scenery which includes trees and many large rocks.
“How about, let’s make like a rock and roll!”

…ugh, please stop Val. Two is enough for today. Your original plan for getting out of here was to follow the river but…

“River? Well water we waiting for? Let’s go!”

You pull the map out and unroll it to reveal…crayon.
The whole thing is done in crayon. You feel extremely ripped off even though you didn’t really pay anything to get this map, but come on. It even has a crude “You are here” drawn on one of the paths in Youkai mountain, as if it was hastily and crudely drawn just for you at that exact moment, which is weird because that would have taken a lot of foresight…
Well, might as well try to use it anyways. Despite being drawn in crayon, it looks valid enough…

Luckily for you, Val doesn’t make anymore puns, but she DOES ask about everything, like a curious child who just stepped out into the world.

“Oooh, what’s that?”

A bird.

“I’ve never seen a bird like that before.”

It’s a different kind of bird.

“What’s it called?”

You don’t know.

“What about that?”

That’s a tree.

“What kind of tree?”

A…yellow tree.

“I’ve never seen a tree like that before.”

Neither have you.

“What kind of fruit does it have?”

Some trees don’t have fruit.

“What about this tree?”

You don’t know!

“I like trees.”

You can tell.

“Do you like trees?”

Not anymore.

“Oooh, what’s that?”

Another bird.

“I’ve never seen a bird like that.”

Good for her.

“Do you like birds?”


“Have you ever liked birds?”


“I like birds.”

Is there anything she doesn’t like?!

“I don’t like being abandoned…”

Oh…Well you feel kinda bad for bringing it up…

“Hey, what’s that?”


“What kind of tree is it?”


“Are you going to burn it with the matches in your bag?”


“Well then, it seems like that tree…”
She suddenly takes out a tiny pair of doll shades and puts them on.
“Has met its match.” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YMPAH67f4o&feature=related)


You seriously question why Alice abandoned Val.
And you mean seriously.
A few hours pass…

“Hey what’s that?”


“It looks like a big house in the distance!”

YOU…wait, what?

“Alright Joe, its time to make…”
She puts on those doll shades again…
“…a house call.” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YMPAH67f4o&feature=related)

Val nearly falls off your hat, but manages to hang on to the rim while you make excellent time and arrive at the entrance of the gate.
There’s a red haired woman in Chinese garb standing in front of the gate with her eyes closed in a stance that radiates confidence.

“Hey, who’s that?”

You don’t know, but you have a feeling that there’s going to be a dire confrontation ahead of you…

[x] Talk to her.
[x] Walk by her.
[x] Cop a feel.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.

[x] Talk to her. Then challenge her to a fist fight for no apparent reason!
[X] Walk by her.

No one notices the door guard.

Isn't it sad, Meiling?
[x] Walk by her. Be stopped by the gate.

We can't walk through walls. Or gates. We aren't a damn Houdini Maid either.
[X] Talk to her
off topic: i bet Letty is in that freezer.
[x] >>24007

Let's be reasonable for once; we can spar with her some other time.
[X] Talk to her
[x] Walk by her. Be stopped by the gate. Walk through it anyway in a badass manner.
[x] Cop a feel.
The amount of sense that makes is staggering.

[x] Talk to her.
[x] Talk to her.

Calm down, we were invited.
A Little off-topic here too but something I want to point out.

>Jesus, you're gay. Manly men don't cuddle dolls. Or own dolls for that matter. Now, if that doll was equipped with, say, an intimidating weapon of some sort, had an angry/surly look on its face, and radiated an aura of pure badassery, then we could take it along. No cuddling though.

Isn't this hilarious in hindsight?
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[x] Talk to her.

Well you would hate to have some kind of misunderstanding or confrontation with this lady. After all, walking by her without saying anything would be incredibly rude.

You approach the red-haired woman and greet her kindly.

No response

“Hi lady! What’s your name?” Val speaks up, but her small voice doesn’t seem to reach her target.

Hmm, you move a little closer to her and you wave your hand in front of her face.

No response.

Huh, if you didn’t know any better, you would say she’s asleep. How could someone sleep standing up like that? You greet her again to make sure and, sure enough, you get no response.
Val floats on over to the sleeping woman and tries to poke her forehead, until the woman’s eyes suddenly open and her hand lashes out to grab Val!


Val is completely helpless at this surprise attack and she suddenly finds herself in the hands of a now awake gate guard.

“Ha! Trying to sneak past me, huh? You intruders have to do better than that to defeat Hong Meiling, gate guard of the Scarlet Devil Mansion!”

Oh, so it’s a mansion. That was totally your second guess.

“Help me Joe! Waaaaaah!!”

Val’s tiny voice cries out in fear as Hong does a spinning kick to accentuate her gate guard prowess.

“You can call me Meiling! Now if you don’t mind, I shall not let you pass!” She goes into a rather intimidating martial arts pose and locks eyes with you.

You tell her to, first, let Val go and, second, let you pass so you can see Remilia about a job offering.

“HA! You cannot fool me, intruders! Someone already took Remilia’s job offer!”

She waves her hand out in a fluid, circular motion as if to intimidate you further. You are not amused, especially by the news that you lost your job to someone.
Okay, you demand Meiling to let your partner free and she snorts at you in defiance.

“Hmph, why should I let your intruder friend free? She tried to sneak past me, and she’ll do it again if I let her go!”

Because you’ll give her a peach if she does?

“Deal!” she let’s Val go and you toss her a peach.

She sits down and quickly devours the peach as Val hides under your hat and shivers in terror. Damn, she’s scarfing that thing down like she hadn’t eaten in a long while. She suddenly gets up and tries to intimidate you with another aggressive stance, but the peach juice dripping down her chin ruins the effect.

“Alright, now as promised you must leave this place and never try to sneak past me again!”

Uh, you never promised such a thing.

“Oh…Well promise me that you’ll leave this place and never try to sneak past me again!”

Well, you won’t sneak past her, but you have to go inside to talk to Remilia. She has information that you want dammit and you’ll do anything for that information.

“I told you, someone took that job offer already. You’ll need a better excuse than that to trick me!”

Well, who was it that took the job offer?

“Uh, some random generic human guy who looked desperate for money. He came in last night and I don’t think he left yet…”

She doesn’t think he left yet?

“Well…I didn’t see him leave…”

Because she was sleeping?

“I wasn’t sleeping! Now leave before I force you to leave!” She makes an aggressive stance against you and this time you can tell she’s serious business.

[x] How about we just introduce ourselves nicely and become friends with her?
[x] NO. Challenge her to a duel!
[x] Bribe her with peaches.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.

Oh ho ho...
[x] Punch Kick Block
[x] Bribe her with peaches.
No need to go berserk again. She is hungry and would do everything for a few peaches.
[x] That's it, you have enough. You came all the way here from Aya's house just to repeat like what Aya and Reimu did you back there? NOT letting you enter? No, you're not gonna let it slide this time. You will stay and go inside the mansion NO matter what.
-[x] If she still not letting you in, then how about we just introduce ourselves nicely... with Fist.
-[x] "Say hello to your new friend, bitch. Guess who? It's the Terminator, motherfucker,"
oh forgot to comment. Yeah i'm still pissed about Aya's misunderstanding and not doing anything about it.
>what Aya and Reimu did you back there?

>what Aya and Reimu did to you back there?

Oh yeah, miss a 'to' back there.
[x] How about we just introduce ourselves nicely and become friends with her?

Can't Joe be a Gentleman for once? No bribery, no fighting, just plain old... being a good chap and having a spot of tea and crumpets with the gate guard?
Force your way.mp3
[x] Bribe her with peaches.
[x] Stroll on in like you own the place AKA ignore her
[x] How about we just introduce ourselves nicely and become friends with her?
[x] >>24024
[x] How about we just introduce ourselves nicely and become friends with her?
[x] How about we just introduce ourselves nicely and become friends with her?
-[x] Offer a crap load of peaches
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[x] How about we introduce ourselves nicely and become friends with her?

Well, its never too late to be a gentleman, now is it?

You hold your hand up to get her attention and then take your hat off as you make a grand sweeping bow, revealing a shivering Val clinging onto your head for dear life. You place your hat back onto your head and introduce yourself as Joe. You tell her that you would love to make her acquaintance.
Confused, Meiling doesn’t know how to respond and just keeps her stance up, but you surprise her with:

Gentlemanly Sign “Why, I do believe there is something on your cheek!”

You pull a magic handkerchief out from your back pocket (where you got this hanky you’ll never know, but it sure is convenient) and you break through her suspicious barrier and wipe the peach juice off of her face. Meiling is so absolutely taken aback by your sudden gentlemanly kindness that she just stands there and allows you to daintily wipe the juice off of her face. You finish cleaning her cheek and she thanks you confusedly. She lowers her guard and you press the “attack”. You ask her how her day went and her eyes dart around in absolute confusion. Nobody has ever asked her how her day went before!

“Why do you care?” She asks suspiciously yet relaxes her guard.

Why not?

“Um, because nobody cares about me?” Meiling says with a hint of sadness in her voice.

Now that is simply untrue! You ask her to tell you of all her troubles and for about 30 minutes she goes over all the things that she has to put up with.

“…and Sakuya always yells at me. Even though I try my hardest to please her, she never notices my hard work. I never get enough to eat and I’m always so tired because of it…and…and…” Meiling almost starts to break down crying and you pat her on the back. Damn, you never expected her life to be so traumatizing, but at least you made her feel a little better.

“You know what? You’re a real nice guy. I like you, so you can go in with my permission.” Meiling smiles at you despite having teary eyes and you ask her if it’ll be okay with her employer.

“Probably not, but she’s going to yell at me no matter what I do, so don’t worry about me and just go.”

She gets up and pulls a large key out of her pocket. You get the feeling that she very rarely ever gets to use that key from the way she unlocks the gate and lets you in. She gives you a cheery smile and thanks you for listening to her troubles and you decide to give her a couple peaches before you go. She begins to eat a peach hungrily, but Val (who seems to have recovered from her fright) pops out from under you hat and quips, “You better not let Sakuya catch you eating those or else you’re gonna get impeached!”

You see her start to choke on the peach and you tell Val very quietly to shut the fuck up and you poke her back into your hat while you run through the open gate and into the courtyard. Its quite elegant and everything, but nothing really important, so you stroll through the courtyard with no troubles and head in through the large mahogany front doors.

The inside of the mansion is really quite grand and you stand in awe at the great staircase in front of you with a great assortment of statues, armors, lanterns, candles, and many other decorative things. You also notice that you’re not alone as there are many child sized beings with wings walking and flying around in maid outfits. They don’t seem to notice you and continue about their day completely unaware and uncaring of your presence (some even go so far as to bump into you and not say a word of apology).

You hate children.

[x] Kick one of the children.
[x] Break all the shit here and loot the place!
[x] Why be a barbarian now? Be a gentleman and wait for someone to greet you.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.
[x] Why be a barbarian now? Be a gentleman and wait for someone to greet you.
Yes. If all the else fails we can grab a fairy and tell her to bring us to Sakuya.
[x] Why be a barbarian now? Be a gentleman and wait for someone to greet you.
[x] Why be a barbarian now? Be a gentleman and wait for someone to greet you.
-[x] Idly wonder what could possibly be in that freezer you keep thinking about.
[x] Why be a barbarian now? Be a gentleman and wait for someone to greet you.
-[x] If all the else fails we can grab a fairy and tell her to bring you to Sakuya.
[x] Why be a barbarian now? Be a gentleman and wait for someone to greet you.

We've had enough being a violent guy for a while. Time to let out our inner gentleman! If anything, we can be violent but only as in self-defense. Just don't look at a full moon.
[X] Equip boogeyman
-[x] Kick one of the children

Again, this can't possibly go wrong!
It's more like saving hell for Yukari and her allies; no need to be attacking a potential ally.
I'd like to say that while this Yukari is one of the nastier versions portrayed, she has a legitimate excuse, even if it's a poor one.

Plus we can actually fight her off, so that also helps keep away the raging.
[x] Why be a barbarian now? Be a gentleman and wait for someone to greet you.

Obvious vote is obvious, then again I didn't expect anyone ACTUALLY to fuck Tenshi.

Also, if your butthurt about the Aya thing, it's just because your all fucking idiots and voted for soemthing TERRIBLE, therefore calling for negative repurcussions.

If your going to think with your little head constantly then expect negative repurcussions (if nessesary)
[x] Why be a barbarian now? Be a gentleman and wait for someone to greet you.
I think you mean necessary.
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[x] Why be a barbarian now? Be a gentleman and wait for someone to greet you.

Of course you’ll wait for someone to appear. After all, you are a guest in their castle/house/mansion and it would be incredibly inappropriate to act like a brute when trying to acquire a job that was apparently already taken.

You stand idly by and watch the traffic of small people flowing back and forth in front of you. Interestingly enough, it doesn’t look like they’re busy with work or anything, and its more like they’re leisurely walking to and fro just for the hell of it. Hmm, despite dressing as maids, they aren’t doing very maidish things, are they?

“Perhaps they aren’t maid for this kind of work?”


After a few minutes of observing their frivolity, you notice a much larger being, about the size of a normal human but slightly smaller than you, walking across from where you with a mop and bucket in hand. The mop is red and recently used. Perhaps she just cleaned up a punch spill or something? She notices you out of the corner of her eye and hastily walks towards you after handing the mop and bucket to a nearby maid, bows, and greets you.

“Ah yes, I remember you from yesterday, I suppose you’re here for Lady Remilia’s job offer, correct?”


“The good news is, I believe the job offering is open now.” And she motions towards the mop and bucket that the maid has lazily laid against the side of a wall. Sakuya sighs when she sees this and turns back to you with a slightly disappointed look on her face.

Hmm, you don’t understand, but at least the job offering is still open for you, and thus the information you need is still available for bargaining.

“The bad news is, you’ll have to wait until Lady Remilia wakes up from her sleep before you can work out a more official deal.”

Well, that shouldn’t take too long. Even heavy sleepers don’t sleep too far past noon…

“She just went to bed a couple hours ago actually, so you’ll have to wait until nightfall before milady wakes up.”

Curses! She must be one of those people who party hard all night and pass out around morning or noon (kinda like those university type guys). What are you to do now?

“Well, I can prepare a room for you to stay in until she awakens. There are many guest rooms here and milady’s hospitality is well-known and revered throughout all of Gensokyo.” She explains this to you with the aura of elegance you expect from a head maid. You don’t doubt her words, but you do feel slightly uneasy at this invitation.

“Lunch was recently served for the fairy maids, so if you wish I could deliver some to your room-”


“Very good, allow me to show you to your room then.” She bows and begins to walk towards one of the wings of the mansion post-haste. Whoa wait, you would hate to interrupt her work and would be okay if one of the idle fairy maids took you to your room instead, but as soon as you motion to the mop and bucket on the wall you see that it has disappeared.
When did it…?

“Ah, do not worry about such trivialities, my work has just been completed.” She turns and says to you while waiting for you to follow her. You look back at the wall where the mop and bucket used to lay and wonder where they went. You didn’t see anyone go near the wall…
You quickly follow her deeper into the mansion and you realize just how big this place truly is.

“I don’t believe I am acquainted with your friend.” She says without turning her head to look at you. Val has just been laying on your head this entire time with her head poking out from under your hat like some kind of turtle. You don’t really mind, but it looks kind of weird…

“I’m Val! Pleased to meet you!”

“I am Sakuya Izayoi, Head maid of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Please do not hesitate to call for me by using one of the fairy maids if I am not around. They will seek me out posthaste. I would greet you more formally, but we still have a long ways to go before reaching your room, so excuse me for my informal attitude.” She continues walking down what seems to be a long hallway (you hate hallways) and you marvel at how perfect her stride is. Normally people have something wrong with the way they walk, like their back is slumped too much, or they’re always looking at the ground, or they bounce too much when they walk, or swing their arms too much, or SOMETHING. But Sakuya, on the other hand, seems to have mastered walking down to perfection as her stride isn’t too long or too short and her back is perfectly straight and everything. You don’t know if there’s a perfect model to walking but, if there is then, Sakuya probably would be the embodiment of it. You get the feeling that she also perfectly handles all of her maidly duties as well.
You hate awkward silences, so you decide to strike up a conversation with her, just to see if she’s really as mean as Meiling says.

You ask her questions about her in general and she replies in a soft spoken tone and answers all of your questions. She doesn’t seem like a bad person at all…Actually, she seems really kindhearted to you and is rather pleasant to talk to. It seems she’s perfect in conversation as well…

“Wow, you guys are really compatible aren’t you?” Val chimes in with her opinion of the conversation you’re having with Sakuya.

“It seems you two are a match maid in heaven!” she quips and smiles innocently. You cringe painfully and look at Sakuya to see her reaction, but you see none. You prod Val with her finger to shut her up and she snaps back as if insulted.

“What? I’m just saying you two were maid for each other! Ba dum tsh!”
Urghhhh, Val totally killed the mood as Sakuya has grown silent, probably focusing on ignoring Val and her painfully bad puns.

“I don’t get it, why aren’t you guys laughing? I maid a funny!”

Sakuya actually stumbles a little bit this time and you shove Val back under your hat and hold it over your head, preventing Val from coming out. You apologize for Val’s little comments and Sakuya just brushes it off and continues leading you.

You reach your room after a fairly long walk and she gives you a bow before leaving. You look inside your room to see it extravagantly decorated like the rest of the mansion. You wonder if everyone guest room has a large queen sized bed with very comfortable looking covers, bookshelf, armor stand, candelabra, painting of an esteemed banker, a desk made of polished mahogany, an exquisite and comfy looking chair, a very soft rug, and a grand piano of exotic origins. Sadly, it has no windows so you won’t know the time, but you have a feeling Sakuya will come get you when “milady” wakes up.

“Oh oh! I got another one!” Val pops out from under your hat with a large smile on her face.
“I guess you can say she maid her way into your heart!”

Dammit Val! For one thing you’re a married man, and another thing these puns are incredibly painful! You scold Val and she droops sadly in your hands like how a puppy hangs its ears when you punish it. Daww, you can’t stay mad at Val, but she seriously needs to watch herself when around company like Sakuya or Remilia. And company INCLUDES you, so she can only make the puns for herself.

“I’m sorry, I thought you’d find it witty…”

Ah well, its okay. You didn’t need those brain cells anyway. Well, now that you’re here, what shall you do to pass the time?

[x] Play with Val.
[x] Be a boring sod and read a book.
[x] Take a nap.
[x] Go snooping around the mansion. Its no fun staying in one place.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.

Poor excuse? Perhaps. It all depends on how you view Yukari after all. Here’s my extremely long and overly-thought out explanation that took all of 5 minutes to figure:
Imagine, if you will, you are a being of incredible power. You literally have near limitless power at your fingertips, the limits of which being only your imagination. Now, wouldn’t you feel just a teensy bit superior to other beings, human or otherwise? Let’s also add in the fact that you’re practically ageless and have lived for thousands of years and, with your power, you have basically done every single thing you can think of to suppress the ever growing boredom of being immortal (assuming Yukari cannot die of age). Well, let’s just say that your most recent entertainment is taking humans from their natural environment and watching them struggle in a hostile environment and die in horrible, painful ways. Now lets just say you come across one guy who you decide to give special privileges (such as getting supplies to aid in survival) so he wouldn’t die so quickly. Now lets say that this person was an asshole and decided to take one of YOUR servants and recklessly endanger her life while completely ignoring your request. Then, when you confront this person and “kindly” ask him to stop fucking around and do what you told him to do, he humiliates you in front of a crowd of “lesser beings” and mocks you further by dancing away. Then, once you confront this asshole again, he continues to dance and make fun of you after you gave him another opportunity to follow your generous instructions. THEN, when you demanded that he beg for his life after being insolent against a superior being, he rapped about how old you are and still continued to defy you. At this point I, personally, would been INCREDIBLY infuriated (if I was a being of immense power of course) and would have shipped Joe off to the sun (which was the original plan, but I decided against it) as soon as possible. But wouldn’t YOU want to get revenge and crush this puny bug in the most painful and terrifying way possible if you had the power to? In comes Yuuka, but against all odds it seems that your plan has backfired and now your insolent little bug has allied himself with your main supplier of death, doom, and die.

As I said, it all depends on you interpreting how Yukari would act in such a situation. Sure Yukari could have become bestest friends with Joe and everything would be sunshine and daisies, but personally (as I said, its all how you interpret it) if I were Yukari, I’d get pretty pissed of if some pathetic powerless human did such a thing to me. Besides if getting Yukari wasn’t the main theme, then there would be no conflict.
No conflict means no entertainment.
Just remember that Yukari doesn’t JUST want to kill you, she wants to make sure you suffer BEFORE killing you.

Either that or she’s incredibly bored and doesn’t have anything else to do.
[x] Go snooping around the mansion. Its no fun staying in one place.

Because it worked so well the first time, BEST DO IT AGAIN!
[X] Play with Val.
-[X]] Ask her if she'de be interested in playing with your daughter.

I wouldn't have stayed and went to check up on our Daughter and then come back after suppe- FUCKING TOAST
>“I’m Val! Pleased to meet you!”
>“I’m Val!
No. This is unacceptable. The puns I can forgive, but in a setting of such elegance it is only proper to give one's full name whenever asked.

[*] Equip the monocle sitting on the desk.
-[*] Lecture Val on the etiquette befitting the elegance of this mansion.

If that's the case, I call for a vote, I vote we give a proper name, something more gentlemanly.

I vote we give Joe the full name...

[X] Geor Joseph Reed

A name befitting Etiquette and Decorum!
[x] Play with Val.
[x] >>24051
-[x] Take a look in her dictionary as to improve her one liners
>he rapped about how old you are
That part was awesome. when the story was still good.

[x] Play with Val.
[x] Play with Val.

Sakuya actually stumbles a little bit this time and you shove Val back under your hat and hold it over your head,

The Perfect Maid's weakness: Puns.
[] open that goddamn freezer already, playing with Val on the way there.
[] expect yukari/ cirno/ (insert dead guy here)
[] use your MANLINESS to rip the kitchen, and the freezer of doom, out of the wall. Either use it to take down reimu's shield or trade it for that whip!
[] snoop around the mansion until nightfall.
[x] Play with Val
[x] Lecture Val on the etiquette befitting the elegance of this mansion.
-[x] Take a look in her dictionary as to improve her one liners
Contradictory? I don't think so. She has to learn when to make puns and how to make them. A one liner can be very effective... if it's done correctly.
Change >>24048 to >>24059

Also, inspiration for the Mushroom Huffing = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2gI9RNAHpo ?
File 128755201425.jpg - (331.05KB, 795x902, 30e1e080898a64c877e1852e345c187b.jpg) [iqdb]
[x] Play with Val

Well, there isn’t much-

*knock* *knock*

Right when you gather your thoughts on what to do next, you hear someone knocking at the door. You saunter towards the door and open it revealing Sakuya with a silver platter in hand. Damn, that was fast…

“I apologize for bringing you a servant’s meal, but I hope it will sustain you until dinner.”

She moves into the room and places it on the desk as you don’t really have a table to eat on. She removes the lid and walks back towards the door. You comment on the speed of which she acquired your meal and she just smiles back at you.

“Thank you, I’m proud of the speed and efficiency I do my work.”

“Yeah!” Val says enthusiastically, “You really maid great time!”


Sakuya’s smile doesn’t fade but, for a split second, you see her eye twitch at her comment. She continues towards the door and turns around to bow before shutting the door behind her.

You grab your small companion and give her a fierce look.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I just couldn’t help it! I’m sorry!” She covers her head in fear and you stare at her shivering for a while before you calm down. You can’t stay mad at her for too long, after all she looks genuinely sorry for her comments. You want to punish her, but you can’t bring yourself to do so.
You carry her over to the table where Sakuya placed your food and you set her next to the platter. Let’s see what she got you…
You almost retch when you see what it is.

“What’s the matter Joe? It looks pretty good to me.” Val skips along the table, kneels next to the platter and inspects it closely. “I don’t see anything wrong with it…”
She breaks off a small piece and places it in her mouth. After chewing for a little bit and swallowing, she exclaims, “its yummy to me!” and continues to break off pieces and eat it.


Toast with Boysenberry jam.

Why does it have to be toast? Its lunch time for crying out loud!

“Maybe fairies like sweet things?” she says in between mouthfuls of toast and jam.
It seems like a sick, twisted joke to you, divine retribution for some horrible deed you committed. You let Val eat as much as she can and watch her om nom nom her way through the bread. After she gets about halfway through the toast, she sits back and groans while holding her sticky hands up. Poor thing, you know how she feels. You grab some napkins that Sakuya placed alongside the tray and you try to wipe her little hands clean of the sticky jam, which unfortunately doesn’t stop her hands from being sticky. Damn, if only you had some water or something…
You stand up to go find a bathroom and get some water, but Val stops you and says, “What about that glass of water on the desk?”
You turn around and, sure enough, there’s a tall glass of water on the desk just like she says.
Huh, you don’t remember that being there, but you were never one to question good fortune. You dab the end of your napkins in water and clean Val’s hands and face free of the horrid sticky stuff. After you finish, Val thanks you sweetly (no pun intended) and you proceed to clean up your “meal”.
Fortunately for you, the silver platter, food, water, and even the napkins in your hand are all gone before you know it.


“It’s a miracle!” Val cheers and you stand there baffled for a minute, pondering where everything went. You hope you somehow didn’t waste a miracle on cleaning up…
Well, t’would be foolish to dwell on such trivial things, so after you finish your “meal” you sit at the desk and ponder on what to do next. Val is sitting on the desk while looking at you and humming a catchy tune.

Hmm, Val…
She said she wanted to impress Alice, right? So what if you spent some time helping Val with that? You ask her how she’s going to do such a thing and Val brings her little hand up to her chin and ponders this for a moment.
“Umm, I was hoping that if she saw how well I could move on my own, she wouldn’t see me as a failure anymore.”

Well, how well can she move?

“Could you please remove the thread from me then?” Val says while she gets up and turns her back to you.
You quickly grab the string and yank on it, causing Val to fall backwards.

“Ouch! Wait until I stop channeling energy through the thread!” She complains to you and you wait patiently as the thread begins to lose its luster. After all the light fades from the string, you (gently this time) pull the string and it comes out easily from her back. She nearly falls face down on the desk and tries to catch herself, but eventually succumbs to gravity. She stubbornly gets up and manages to balance on her own two legs. Her arms are sticking straight out like a tightrope walker’s and she walks slowly and carefully across the desk. She doesn’t wobble as much, but you can tell she’s using all of her concentration on not falling. She makes it all the way to the end desk, turns around, and slowly walks back to where she once was. You give her a little round of applause once she turns and looks up at you to see your reaction.

“Do you think Alice would be impressed?” She asks, wanting a straight answer from you.

Well, its certainly impressive to you having a doll be able to move on its own, even if it is a little clumsy. But you have to ask, why is it that she can move and even fly so well if it she’s connected to a thread?

“Well, I don’t have a lot of power myself and if I try to move my legs it feels sluggish and unresponsive. If its, say, your power, then I have no trouble telling my legs what to do. I’ve gotten a lot better since the beginning though, so I think I’m still growing.” She says this while walking around in circles with her arms stretched outwards. You don’t get this power business, but you figure that Val can probably walk properly if she puts her mind to it, so you decide to spend the rest of the day training Val on how to move properly without the aid of the magic thread.

Some would say you were playing with a doll, but you call it INTENSIVE TRAINING.
You start off letting Val hold onto your finger while you guide her slowly back and forth across the desk. You tell her to focus on the rhythm of her feet and not about falling down. You do this for a while, and then you tell her to let go of your finger and walk on her own. You keep your finger a few inches in front of her just in case and it looks like her walking has already improved slightly. She stumbles a few times and catches your finger to keep herself from falling but, despite what she says about being a slow learner, it looks like she has walking down very well.
“Whee! Look at me!” Val shouts in happiness as she walks around the table at a rather quick place, no longer wobbling or stumbling. You look at her beaming face proudly, like a father watching his daughter’s first steps, as Val quickly walks back and forth across the table. She gets so into it that she falls flat on her face at the very end, but she’s still smiling as you pick her up and place her back on her feet.

“Did you see? Did you see? I did it! I can walk like a normal person!” Val says excitedly while holding on to your finger as you lift her up over the desk. Wow, she’s got a strong grip.
You wonder what time it is as Val dangles playfully from your finger and giggles like a child. It felt like you spent a couple hours training her, but you don’t know…

“Hey, Joe…” Val says, her voice sounding rather sullen all of a sudden.
“If I manage to impress Alice and she takes me back, will you come visit me often?” She looks up at you hopefully.
Aww, of course you will. Val’s your little punny buddy, even if she does get a little annoying.

“Hehe, thanks Joe. You’re a good friend.” She goes back to swinging on your finger and your mind wanders back to Alice. She was a good friend too…How’s she doing now?

“Oooh, can I have that?” Val points to your other hand.
There’s nothing in your other hand…
You look at your other hand to see one of those big swirly lollipops in its grip.

“Can I? Can I? Pleeeaasse?” She begs you like a child and holds one hand out while the other holds onto your finger. Jeeze, how much can this little thing eat? You lower her back onto the table and you give her the lollipop.

“Yay!” She sits down and proceeds to nibble the edge of the lollipop while you watch her eat it. In the meantime, you connect Val and yourself with the thread again and you sit back in the chair. Man you’re bored…

[x] Go to sleep.
[x] Hmm, go explore the mansion. Nobody said you couldn’t do that…
[x] Call Sakuya and bother her for no good reason.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.

What the heck did I just watch?
[*] Hmm, go explore the mansion. Nobody said you couldn’t do that…

If we're going to be working here, we should know our way around. Besides, the SDM is one of the best place in Gensokyo for random encounter hijinks.
> Freezer option

Can you please stop that, it's starting to get annoying seeing it in every choice.
You want Anon to open it? Give Joe Yuka's permission to open it.

That said...

[X] You don't sleep, you wait. So wait.
>Yuka's permission
So Joe's gone from regular guy that does badass things, to a legitimate badass, to badass with badass entourage, to some pussy who needs permission to open a fucking freezer? Yes, it's Yuka, but what the fuck?
It's the thing with marriage: you gain a lot of things but at the price of a little liberty.

[x] Go to sleep.
Gather your energy... you will need it.
[x] Go to sleep.

The Scarlet Devil Mansion is a much better place at night. If anything, we'll explore it then!
Even further than this, didn't the freezer option win in the last update of the previous thread? Hell, the first post of this thread shows that it won, followed immediately with a set of new choices to override it. Meanwhile we weren't given confirmation choices for a lot of the other stupid shit this story went through.

What a waste.
[x] >>24067

It's a good way to prepare for anything that'd occur. That and he needs a bit more rest after spending "quality time" with his family.
[X] Go to sleep.

This update gave me diabetes, I hope you're happy.
[X] Go to sleep.
File 128764632381.jpg - (611.60KB, 797x698, 1214871244052fq6.jpg) [iqdb]
[x] Go to sleep.

(Dammit! So much for some entertaining romps I had planned for you through the SDM…)

Ah yes, all this INTENSIVE TRAINING has really made you a lot more lethargic. You suppose catching a wink or three wouldn’t hurt…

You yawn greatly to accentuate your sleepiness and you stretch your suddenly weary body in your chair. Val stops eating her lollipop and looks at you with interest as you have trouble keeping your eyes open.

“What wrong, Joe? Are you tired?”

Mmmmyep, can’t explain why though. You get up from the chair and make your way to the very comfortable looking bed. You don’t notice that you yanked Val from the top of the desk in your sudden state of torpor and you collapse on top of the bed as the world around you begins to fade away. You vaguely get the sensation that Val’s trying to cover you unsuccessfully with the blankets as your heavy body is pinning it onto the bed, but you no longer care as you fall asleep…



Someone calls to you from the side of your bed, but you ignore it and roll over to continue your nap.

“Wakey Wakey!”

The very familiar and feminine voice calls out to you again, but you ignore it some more and mumble a curse at your irritating visitor.


You are suddenly struck in the head by a small wooden object and you jolt angrily into an upright position. Who dares disturb your slumber?!

“Hi~” Yukari waves at you like someone meeting an old friend after being parted from each other for a long time.

You blink several times to confirm the fact that Yukari’s standing there and not, say, stabbing you repeatedly with something sharp.

“Did you have a nice nap?” She says softly, with no sense of hostility in her voice. You get the feeling that she’s either so confident with herself that she doesn’t feel the need to show any hostility because she already won, or she forgave you for all the things you did to her and is now showing you friendship.
You believe it’s the former.
You narrow your eyes at her and she holds her hands up defensively, as if she’s shocked at your behavior.

“Oh my, please don’t be so aggressive! I merely wanted to have a little chat with you.”

You don’t trust her one bit and you kick the covers off and swing your legs off the edge of the bed to get up. But right as you do that, Yukari holds her hand out and onto your chest to stop you. She’s suddenly very strong as you cannot push past her hand and stand up.

“No, no. Sit down, I implore you. It would be a lot more comfortable if you sat right there.”

You try to push her hand away, but to no avail. You continue to struggle against her hand and you see a glint in her eyes.

“I said, SIT DOWN” and with a swish of her fan (the thing she hit you with), Metal spikes erupt straight up from your knees and protrude up to chest height.

You scream in agony as bolts of pain shoot up from your legs and into your brain. Blood splashes into your face and eyes as the bloody spikes coming out of your legs immobilize you into one place. Your vision flashes as the pain continues to streak painfully throughout your body. Endorphins begin to kick in and you stop screaming as your lungs run out of air, but your breathing transforms into a series of grunts as you grip the metal spikes and attempt to maybe pull them out.


No dice. Your exertion only magnifies the pain and you nearly blackout as you wonder why you suddenly lost your badassery.

“See? I told you to sit, but you didn‘t listen. You would have been much better off if you listened to me in the first place, but no…”
She flicks one of the spikes, causing the vibrations to travel down into your legs and forcing you to grunt as the pain almost unbearable, even for you.
“You never listen…”

You start to feel light-headed, probably from the shock of the spikes and the blood loss. You heard somewhere that if there was an object violently jammed into your body, leaving it in there would be the best option as it would somewhat prevent blood loss, but you start to question this theory. You feel like dying, but you wonder how and why. You’ve been through worse situations and could probably have pulled those spikes out of your legs and jammed them into Yukari’s eyes or something (yeah, you could totally have done that before you woke up), but you feel rather weak for some reason. Your vision dims and blurs as you question why Yukari would kill you off so easily.

“Oh, I’m not going to kill you off so easily, not after all you done. I’m going to take my time with you and relish every second of it, especially since I managed to steal your powers away while you slept.”

Well, what if you die before that?

“Oh don’t worry, you won’t die. You’re not the kind of person who simply dies from blood loss, you’re far too stubborn for that.” She waves her finger at you, as if to say, “You know better than that.”
For some reason, this sounds incredibly familiar to you, but you just can’t point it out…

“However, since I am a kind and forgiving person, I won’t torture you if,” she suddenly gives you a wicked smile, “You become my pet and obey my every command.”
You’re stubbornness is truly the only thing keeping you going as you spit out another curse at her. She sighs at you and shakes her head.
“You never listen to your betters, do you?”
Well, you never did listen to your elders
She visibly frowns at you and a tiny tear in the fabric of reality opens up next to her. Val drops from the gap and into her devilish hands. She looks incredibly frightened as her tiny head looks around to figure out what’s going on, only to come to the conclusion that its something very bad…

“If you won’t listen to me, then I’ll make your little companion suffer the consequences.” Her voice is no longer sarcastic or humored as she grabs Val’s forearms with her hands and threatens to tear them off if you don’t comply with her. You have a terrible suspicion that her arms aren’t the only things she’s going to lose…

[x] You’ll never submit to Yukari!
[x] You don’t want to submit to Yukari, but…Val?
[x] “FUCK” (grab onto one of the spikes with both hands) “YOU!” (slam your head as hard as you can onto the spike)
[x] Go back and open that freezer.

It's not like I WANT you to take the choice. In fact, I actually DON'T want you to take it. After all, who knows what's behind that freezer?
Besides, the choice is still technically there for you to make whether I "make it a choice" or not. I'm just making sure you don't forget~

Oh ho, there is a reason why I repeated that freezer choice. Let's just say you have to be absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt, one hundred percent positive that you want to open that freezer by choosing it multiple times in a row.
Do you really want to know?

Why do I suddenly feel really bad?
[x] Go back and open that freezer. But wait.
[x] Make that freezer appear in front of you.
[x] Open it. WITH YOUR MIND.
Lol. Well we're fucked up now!

I got the best answer which will solve everything!
Obviously this is the right choice. If we can will ourselves to die, we will show that Yukari truly can't control us at all!
But wait... will Shiki be so forgiving of us?
Maybe I'll reconsider this option... Ah heck no! This worked the first time to happened, THIS WILL TOTALLY WORK A SECOND TIME!

And Hat?

I so love you for putting in that reference. You just made my morning.
[X] “FUCK” (grab onto one of the spikes with both hands) “YOU!” (slam your head as hard as you can onto the spike)

Better death than servitude to our mortal enemy. Plus, Gensokyo is one of the few places where this is a, for lack of a better term, viable option.
[x] Laugh and cackle. A LOT.
-[x] You forgot one thing, Yukari. You said that this a dream, right? Then, this is my dream. MY domain. MY REALITY. MY MIND(and head). Things go my way from now on.
-[x] Imagine yourself as badass silver-haired dudes that has awesome swordplay and nasty firearms. (The Sons of Sparda, Vergil & Dante)
-[x]Equip Darkslayer to teleport(or Flash Dash/whatever), equip Yamato and use Ia sword skill to cut Yukari's hand and save Val.
-[x]Equip Beowulf and Godhand to beat her to a pulp.
-[x]Equip, use Final Impact and deliver the final punch. And shout 'SHIN! SHORYUKEN!!'

There, I was brainstorming as shit for this write-in. Really, I should use my brain for something else. Fortunately, I was frustrated and creative enough to come out with something.

And damn, wonder what fun things we missed..
>Oh ho, there is a reason why I repeated that freezer choice. Let's just say you have to be absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt, one hundred percent positive that you want to open that freezer by choosing it multiple times in a row.
>Do you really want to know?

I could care less at this point. You're just lording the option over us, despite how we already voted for it. If you're going to railroad us away from the thing (and railroading us into these stupid sexual situations that do not involve Joe's beloved wife), then it's no longer relevant for us to care about, and you shouldn't be wasting your time emphasizing that you won't allow us to visit the freezer.

Fuck you Hat.
[x] You don’t want to submit to Yukari, but…Val?


If she does anything to Val, punch her cunt in with the spikes, or die first.
she didn't say that in the update... though it'd explain how weak he is.

"since I managed to steal your powers away while you slept"

pro at reading
And there's an obligatory rule in dream world. In a dream, you always THE most powerful guys in the universe(has been justified by many tv shows, not really true in reality). So she's sucking up Joe's power, he still dreaming, so he can imagine himself into someone else with hax power and defeating her.
>forgetting that dreams and reality are different and therefore separated by a boundary

[*] “FUCK” (grab onto one of the spikes with both hands) “YOU!” (slam your head as hard as you can onto the spike)
Twitty, thanks for acknowledging the reference. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have caught it.
[x] “FUCK YOU!"
[x]Headbutt her in the tits.

Mess with Joe, get bruised titties.
If only we had the lucid dreaming feat.
>lucid dreaming feat.

Unfortunately we are not Wade.

[x] “FUCK” (grab onto one of the spikes with both hands) “ YOU!” (slam your head as hard as you can onto the spike)
[x] >>24086
File 128775543955.png - (153.94KB, 448x491, Fate.png) [iqdb]
[x] “FUCK” (grab onto one of the spikes with both hands) “YOU!” (slam your head as hard as you can onto the spike)

(pulled another all nighter…ughhh)


You grab onto the spike with both hands and begin summing up all of your willpower for your next action.

“Dammit, Wait…!” Yukari tries to reach out to try and stop you, but its too late.


You use the last of your strength and force your head down as hard as you can onto the spike. Your head swings down but instead of impaling yourself onto the spike, the momentum of your downward action actually causes you to sit up in your bed. You feel all sweaty and clammy as you check your legs for any spikes or blood. Nope, no spikes, no blood, no pain, nothing.

It was only a nightmare?

You scan the room for Yukari and, thankfully, she isn’t there.

Oh thank god it was only a nightmare.

“Are you okay?”

Val’s voice makes you jump and you look down at your little companion who’s sitting at the edge of your bed keeping a vigilante watch over you.
She gives you a quizzical look as you reach down and scoop her up in your arms to hug her tightly. You tell her how happy you are to see her well and she gives you a confused response.

“That makes me happy, but what are you talking about??”

It doesn’t matter, you’re just glad that Val’s…

“Hello, the mistress will be awake shortly…”

Sakuya opens the door to your room and sees you in bed and cuddling Val in your arms. The both of you freeze as you look at each other awkwardly. Sakuya simply raises her eyebrow questionably but quickly composes herself and finishes her sentence,

“…So if you would, please follow me.” She stands there unemotionally, but you know she’s judging you on the inside. JUDGING YOU.
You can see it in her eyes.

Dammit that was really awkward. You clear your throat and place Val onto the bed next to you. You take your hat and place it back onto your head to regain a little bit of your dignity, but you try to shake it off and forget about it. You stand up (Val floats upwards and takes her place under your hat) and follow Sakuya out of your room. You follow her back towards the main area with the staircase and she stops to face you.

“Please wait here patiently while I go get milady, she loves to make a grand entrance.”

She bows at you and turns to fetch her master but right when she gets to the base of the staircase, she freezes in place when she sees what’s at the top . You see a small child in pajamas holding a teddy bear with one hand and rubbing her eye with her other hand.

“Sakuyaaaaa…Why did you wake me up and then suddenly leave me? You’re supposed to dres-”

You blink and both Sakuya and Remilia vanish from sight. They’re just suddenly gone. Just like that.
You blink a few more times and, sure enough, they’re not there. Huh, now what? You stand around for about a minute and Remilia suddenly appears before you with servant in tow.

“Welcome!” She opens her arms grandly, “to my humble abode!” She begins to walk down the staircase towards you while continuing her speech.
“I assume you are here for that job, correct?”

Yes, well, Sakuya said somebody…

“Ah, do not worry what anyone else says about your job (she makes an emphasis on “your”). It was fated to be your task after all. Now please! Let us retire to my terrace and speak of this further there. The night is young, so it would be a shame if we didn‘t enjoy it as much as possible, no?”

You follow both Remilia and Sakuya up to the terrace where the beautiful night sky above you is covered with nary a cloud in the sky. You sit at a table directly across from Remilia; Sakuya stands next to the table awaiting her master’s commands. For some reason, you get the feeling that you saw something terribly embarrassing a little while ago, but you feel some incredibly powerful force dispelling that notion. Weird.

“What would you like to drink Mr…Joe, was it?”

Its just Joe, and to drink? Uh, well something strong would do nicely…

“Ah, I see, Sakuya?”

Sakuya bows and leaves the terrace to get your drinks.


Sakuya returns with a silver platter in her hands and places a saucer down in front of you.
Damn, that was fast.

“What do you think of my mansion so far?” Remilia engages you with small talk and you look down disappointedly at your “drink”. Remilia has a cup of what looks like red tea and you receive a cup of coffee, presumably strong. Not exactly your kind of strong but…

You tell her that its quite nice, but you’d rather get to the point and inquire about that job.

“Straight down to business, hmm? A good trait, but no fun now is it? Before I tell you about that job, give me a reason to hire you. The last person, which I assume you found out about, failed miserably, so tell me why I should get my hopes up for you.” She gives you a friendly smile and takes a sip of her tea.

[x] Sip your coffee and respond, “Well I do say, that was rather rude of you to assume that I would fail like my predecessor.” (Gentleman)
[x] Didn’t she say it was fated to be your job? (Perception)
[x] It doesn’t matter if she gives you that job or not, you’re going to get that information about Yukari out of her one way or another. (Aggressive)
[x] Well, she DID approach you and ask if you wanted that job. She must have seen something in you or else she wouldn’t have asked you in the first place. (Intelligence)
[x] Go back and open that freezer (Other)

Well I'm glad you caught that reference. I didn't think anyone would get it.

I applaud your creativity, sir.

Well its a good thing you don't care anymore, because I would have totally felt bad from how upset you are.
[x] Sip your coffee and respond, “Well I do say, that was rather rude of you to assume that I would fail like my predecessor.” (Gentleman)

We seem to have been taking the gentleman approach recently. And this is Remilia we're talking too. Remilia enjoys fine talk and what not over a good cup of tea. Or coffee.

And maybe we really should give Joe a last name already. Something average... like... Smith! Joe Smith! Can't get anymore average than that. Joe "Joseph" Smith. The perfect average name for the average Joe. It is awfully improper to not give people your last name, anyway.

And Joe needs to start investing in Pills and Cola.
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[x] Didn’t she say it was fated to be your job? (Perception)
>You see a small child in pajamas holding a teddy bear with one hand and rubbing her eye with her other hand.
>“Sakuyaaaaa…Why did you wake me up and then suddenly leave me? You’re supposed to dres-”

You are a pretty decent writer when your story is not all about powerlevels, fighting and agressive idiotic behavior.
You should try writing something else that is more classic.
[x] Sip your coffee and respond, “Well I do say, that was rather rude of you to assume that I would fail like my predecessor.” (Gentleman)
[x] Didn’t she say it was fated to be your job? (Perception)
>agressive idiotic behavior.

But that is classic; just look at MiG!
You may not like it, but that's what make Average Joe. Well, average joe. Like a writefag said: not for everyone

[x] Perception.
[x] Sip your coffee and respond, “Well I do say, that was rather rude of you to assume that I would fail like my predecessor.” (Gentleman)

We may not be as gentlemanly as Mister Hale in /th/ but we can at least be polite and take a lesson or two from him.
[x] Didn’t she say it was fated to be your job? (Perception)
Being gentlemanly is all well and good, but a true gentleman knows how and when to apply his wit.
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[x] Didn’t she say it was fated to be your job? (Perception)

(Yaaaay, finally got some sleep.)

You point out that fact and Remilia simply sips her tea in response.


You feel slightly irritated by this action, but you keep yourself in check. Remilia places her tea cup down and leans back in her chair to get a better look at you.

“Do you believe in fate, Joe?”

She looks at you seriously, probably more seriously than someone should be when talking about fate, but you just shrug off her gaze and tell her that you don’t really think much about it.

“Hmm, very well then. The task I need for you to accomplish is to take my little sister, Flandre Scarlet, to the human village’s nighttime market festival and show her around. I wanted you to take her yesterday but, luckily for you, the festival has been extended until tonight because it was such a great success the previous night. My offer still stands, but you only have tonight to accept.” She takes another sip from her teacup and continues to stare at you seriously.

What? Babysitting? That’s it??

“That’s it.”

And what will your payment be?

“Fufufu, I knew you were going to say that.” Her expression visibly lightens and she smiles at you once again. “I can tell you where Yukari lives…That IS what you wanted, yes? To eliminate Yukari and live with your beloved Yuuka?”

That’s true but…

“You must get to Yukari first.” She cuts you off and smiles at you smugly, as if to say, “Yeah, I knew you were going to say that.”

“So, take my sister to the human village so she can enjoy herself and I will tell you where Yukari lives, but…” She begins to grow serious again as she outlines the deal. “Only under these conditions:
1. Do not lose control of her.
2. Make sure she doesn’t hurt anybody or damage any property.
And finally,
3. Make sure she enjoys herself.”

Huh, those are some very ominous conditions…

“So you noticed. I won’t lie to you, Flandre is very unstable and extremely powerful. She is almost as powerful as me.” Remilia gives you a word of warning to let you know that she’s not trying to trick you.

Almost as powerful as she is? How powerful could this tiny person be?

“Oh…do you doubt my strength, human?” Her eyes glow bright red and she gives you a slight smile as a red aura radiates from her, crushing your spirit as it envelopes you. You’re completely overwhelmed by just her presence alone and, if it wasn’t for your stubbornness, you would have submitted to her will by now.
Is this…
Is this the power of charisma?

The pressure goes away and Remilia returns to her usual friendly face after demonstrating her power. Her eyes return to normal and you no longer feel like submitting to her will.

“The reason why I asked for you specifically to do this is because you seem…” She looks away briefly, as if searching for a proper word to describe you, “competent”.

Competent huh? You get the feeling that’s not the reason why she chose you.

“So? Do we have a deal?” Remilia extends her hand for you to shake.

“I don’t like this, Joe…” Val speaks up for the first time since you left that bedroom and her voice sounds uneasy.

“I’m not pushing you in any way to accept my offer. It’s just that, Flandre’s been locked away all these years and she rarely ever gets out. You would be doing me a great favor if you accept.”

You look at her outstretched hand and ponder this some more. Flandre sounds awfully dangerous…why doesn’t Remilia just take her outside?

“Flandre respects me, but she doesn’t always listen to me…especially when she gets excited.”

What makes her think that she’ll listen to you?!

“As I said, you look like the type of person that can handle himself. So do we have a deal or not?” She continues to hold her hand out at you and looks you right in the eyes. You feel her presence overpowering you and you feel like doing whatever she wants…

[x] Deal, shake her hand.
[x] No, don’t shake her hand.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.

After I finish this story, I plan on doing a CYOA with Chrysanthemum but we're still ,for lack of a better term, candidly discussing the details. I don't know about doing another story myself, I'll just worry about that when I get there.
Ah, ah, ah. She didn't say the magic words!

[x] No, don’t shake her hand.

Now would you kindly find someone else who could get you to Yukari? Perhaps someone who was not an Albino?
[x] Deal, shake her hand.
[*] Deal, shake her hand.
Simple job. Also reminds me of that one doujin where Flan runs off and gets herself a doll. Anyone remember the name of that?
[X] Deal, shake her hand.

Now, will this be the murderous psychotic Flandre, the cute childish Flandre who simply doesn't know her own strength, or some other interpretation of everybody's favourite little vampire girl?
[X] Deal, shake her hand.
-[X] Use Boogeyman to keep her in check if need be.
[x] Deal, shake her hand. And CHARISMA DUEL.
[x] But accept the Deal no matter the outcome.

There is more than one way to initiate a charisma break.
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[x] Deal, shake her hand.

You take her hand and accept the deal. Her tiny hand is dwarfed by yours in size and is completely swallowed by your grip, but you can feel her massive strength being held back when your hands move up and down.

“Excellent! I’m glad you accepted my offer.” Remilia has a satisfied look on her face as she retracts her hand and, once again, takes another sip of her tea. “Sakuya will show you the way to Flandre’s room. Sakuya?”

The maid bows in response to her master’s command, turns around, and begins to walk towards the entrance of the terrace. Seeing that she probably won’t wait for you, you quickly stand up and hurry after her before you’re completely left behind.

“Oh, and one more thing.” Remilia adds, her voice quite serious again. “Don’t make her angry. Flandre has anger issues and it’s almost impossible to calm her down once she gets riled up.”

You turn around and look at Remilia who, in turn, isn’t looking at you but at the moon. The moon seems to have taken up a scarlet hue and it looks quite enchanting. Remilia doesn’t say anything further and continues to sip her tea and stare at the moon. Hmm, you turn back towards Sakuya (who has actually gotten a fairly good distance away from you), and follow her into the heart of the mansion.

“I don’t like her…” Val says quietly from under your hat. Oh damn, Val’s been silent this whole time and you completely forgot that she was still in your hat. Looks like you stopped Val from making those terrible puns.

Val stays silent for the rest of the trip and you contemplate your actions. Did you make a mistake? What if Flandre actually is some kind of 7 foot tall behemoth of a woman who enjoys tearing into human flesh? What if Flandre is perpetually on fire and they have to keep her locked up to prevent the immolation of the mansion?? What if this was all a trap set by Yukari to have some kind of terrible being rip you to shreds very slowly and painfully?! What if-

“She’s not as bad as milady makes her out to be.” Sakuya interrupts your internal monologue, almost as if she read your mind and heard your frantic thoughts.
“Milady is always trying to make things bigger or scarier than what they seem. It was just to see if you were brave enough to accept the deal.”

Sakuya continues to walk down the hallway (why is it always a hallway?) without turning her head to talk to you. You get the impression that she’s talking to herself.

“She’s just misunderstood is all…” Sakuya’s voice drifts away ominously and you continue to follow her silently, waiting for her to continue. A few moments pass and you decide to ask her what happened to the last guy that accepted your job.

“He was doing relatively well at first, but Flandre had trouble pronouncing his last name. He was indignant about this and continually persisted that she pronounced his name correctly and, well, she got tired of him fast.”

Note to self, stay on Flandre’s good side.

“Other than that, she’s a sweet child. She really does want to do what’s right, but unfortunately her temper and curiosity more often than not gets in the way…Oh, here we are.” Sakuya abruptly stops in front of one of the many doors that you passed and you nearly collide into her.

The door itself looks to be old…very old. You would guess that it would be about, oh…500 or so years old, but you’re no antique door appraiser so your opinion is invalid. Other than how old it looks, the only thing separating this door from the others is the word “Basement” on a plaque. Another set of words appeared to have been frantically carved into the wood of the door itself; it reads, “Do not enter”.

Goddammit. Why does it have to be a forbidden basement?

Sakuya opens the door for you (it wasn’t locked?) and stands there waiting for you to descend. You peer into the darkness and see a dim light at the bottom of the stairs (which doesn’t go down very far) which almost looks like the glow from a TV screen. Well, at least there’s some light down here at least, and you give Sakuya a nod of thanks for leading you here and she simply bows in return.

“Good luck.” She looks at you almost apologetically, but its hard to tell as she has an excellent poker face. You fear the day you would have to play cards with her for you life, so it’s a good thing that’s never going to happen.

As you step into the darkness, (well, that isn’t to say that the rest of the mansion isn’t dark, its just that there’s virtually no light down here other than the slight glow at the bottom), you wonder if Sakuya’s going to wait for you at the top or just shut the door, lock it, and cackle maniacally as she leaves you to your doom. You’re almost at the bottom, and as you turn around to look up, you see the outline of Sakuya waiting patiently for your return. Huh, looks like this wasn’t a trap after all. You wipe the sweat off your forehead and look back into the room.

The TV like glow in the basement seems to be coming from one corner of the room. As you exit the stairs, you look towards the light and see a small girl sitting on a bed with a rabbit doll in her arms and her knees up to her chest defensively. The light seems to be coming from several crystalish dangly things on these weird branch like protrusions coming from her back (which you don’t question, you know better than to do that by now). She simply sits there and stares at you silently with her glowing red eyes, waiting for your next move.

[x] Introduce yourself as Joe.
[x] Introduce yourself as her consciousness.
[x] Introduce yourself as her long lost father who’s here to take her to the human village.
[x] “If it hadn’t been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I’d been married long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe?” DO A HOEDOWN.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.
[x] “If it hadn’t been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I’d been married long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe?”

Can't resist
[x] Introduce yourself as Joe.

This is probably the one time where playing it safe and normally is the best idea, since it really won't take much to set Flandre off.
[x] Introduce yourself as [Current Title] Joe.
-[x] Keep Val tuck under your head. Don't want her puns ruining Flandre's mood.
[x] Introduce yourself as her long lost father who’s here to take her to the human village.

And with this, we finally have a little sister for Tenshi!
[x] “If it hadn’t been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I’d been married long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe?”

Conquer through the power of dance.
-[x] The more the merrier, right? Get everyone involved.
This parties about to get absolutely craaaazy.
[X] Equip Moonwalker
-[X] “If it hadn’t been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I’d been married long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe?”
--[X] Introduce yourself as Joe
[x] Make Val do a one doll show, I can see what you can't and puns ahoi.
[x] Steal her doll.
[X] Equip Moonwalker .
-[X] “If it hadn’t been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I’d been married long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe?” DO A HOEDOWN.
-[X] Get Val to join in.
[x] >>24129

Craziness has its place; it just isn't here.
[x] Introduce yourself as [Current Title] Joe.
-[x] Keep Val tuck under your head. Don't want her puns ruining Flandre's mood.
[X] Equip Moonwalker
-[X] “If it hadn’t been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I’d been married long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe ?”DO A HOEDOWN.
--[X] Introduce yourself as Joe
[x] Equip Moonwalker
Yee-haw and all that nonsense.
[x] Introduce yourself as Joe, the rootinest, tootinest Touhou-rustler on this side of Gensokyo
[a] equip moonwalker for an epic hoedown that brings forth upbeat tones into this sad little girl's life. Make her smile in a way no child could ever smile before her.
[a] enchant her bunnydoll with magic thread, if possible, and have it dance with Val and you.
[a] introduce yourself as either Joe, or, if we gain a new title do to our performance, than that.

[a] sidenote: if flan's mood is worsened by this godley jig, have Val do a one-liner. One of these two should work, or else this flan minigame is lost.
[x] Introduce yourself as Joe.
Considering that if we were to somehow provoke Flandre or make her lose control right away bad stuff could happen.
[x] Introduce yourself as Joe.
[x] Equip Moonwalker
[x] If she notices you, get her to join in.
[x] Introduce yourself as Joe.
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[x] “If it hadn’t been for Cotton-Eye Joe, I’d been married long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe?” DO A HOEDOWN.

Okay, now what? You never really thought of a plan to put into motion, and now you’re just standing here thinking of some way you can introdu-

Hey, is that a fiddle?

You notice a fiddle laying atop a pile of miscellaneous objects of no importance to you at this moment and you reach out to snatch it up. Flandre reacts to this and speaks out for the first time.

“Hey, that’s my violin…!”

Nuh uh lil’ lady, this here’s a fiddle.
You ignore the fact that she’s now on her feet and ready to tear your head off and you a little play a little tune on the fiddle without tuning it or anything.

You’ve completely captivated Flandre at the ease and style of which you play and she just stands there in awe at your musical talent. What? You were the fiddle champ back in the day! You’re particularly enthralled at how your audience is enjoying your music (Val is actually still hiding under your hat) unlike most kids nowadays who scoff at your music and go back to their hippin’ and their hoppin’ and their bippin’ and their boppin’…but you digress, you have fiddlin’ that needs doing.

Flandre starts clapping excitedly to the beat and you start to play faster and faster as her smile gets wider and wider. The music is fast, frantic, and exciting as Flandre is now doing some kind of excited dance of her own (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oT4TiNxipBI). You wouldn’t exactly call it dancing but, bless her little heart, she sure is trying. You finish playing and Flandre claps enthusiastically at your performance.

“Wow! I didn’t know violins can sound like that!”

Well, this isn’t a violin, this is a fiddle.

“What’s the difference?” Flandre asks timidly

Well, “The violin sings, the fiddle dances!”

You slap your knee and Flandre laughs delightedly at your joke. Hmm, speaking of dancing…how about a hoedown?!

“Hoe…down?” She tilts her head curiously at this word and you smile to yourself.

“It hadn’t been from Cotton-Eyed Joe, I’d been married long time ’go.
Where did ya come from, where did ya go? Where did ya come from Cotton-Eyed Joe?”

You start stomping your foot on the ground to the beat, but right before you start to play, you hear Sakuya’s inquisitive voice from behind you.

“What’s going on here? Where’s the music coming from?”

Why hello there you purty young thang you. May I have this dance ma’am?

“Dance? What are you talking about??”

You hand the fiddle to Flandre who immediately starts to belt out a rather decent tune. Wow, she’s a natural!
You hold out your arm waiting for Sakuya to take it and dance with you. Predictably, she doesn’t take it and starts to back away once she sees how insane the situation has become.

“No, wait, stop…!”

You refuse to be denied this dance by no one no how! You wrap your arm around hers and drag her into the room where you begin to swing and guide her around the messy room (which coincidentally is clean in the center, enough so that a group of people can all at once). You penetrate her perfect maid barrier and she succumbs to your wily southern charms as she doesn’t resist your movements. You can tell she isn’t used to this kind of dancing (you would assume she’s a ballroom dancer if anything) as her movements are restrained and awkward. Her face is a lot more emotional than it usually is now that she let her guard down and she shows obvious frustration at your method of dancing and the music being played. She, like Flandre, adapts quickly and soon she’s dancing the night away to the music with a slight smile on her face.
Now you loving dancing and all, but this isn’t much of a hoedown if its just you and Sakuya dancing to Flandre’s fiddling, if only there were more people…

“STOP! YOU VIOLATED THE LAW!” A tiny voice cries out in protest at your spontaneous hootenanny.

Oh? Who is this?

You see three little fairy maids standing at the bottom of the staircase with badges on their right arms, hands on their hips, and discontent frowns on their faces.

“Who are we?!” shouts the first fairy.
“We are the…” the second fairy says while the three of them move into poses.
FAIRY!” Says the third in a deep voice.
“Maid…” Says the second in a quiet, tired voice.
“Brigade!!” finishes the third with a gusto.

They hold their pose, expecting a wave of “oohs” and “ahhs” at their introduction, but all they get is silence as Flandre has stopped playing and both you and Sakuya have stopped dancing to look at these intruders.

Fairy 1: “We patrol the mansion as a first response team for danger and rule breaking…and you are clearly breaking the rules!!”
Fairy 2: “You cannot create a disturbance when in close proximity to the library…and yeah….”
Fairy 3: “FAIRY!

Wait, we’re next to a library?

Fairy 1: “That’s right wrongdoer! You are disturbing Lady Patchouli and keeping from her studies!”
Fairy 2: “Therefore, we have to do what we always do when accusing someone of breaking the rules and stuff…”
Fairy 3: “FAIRY!
Fairy 1: “Exactly! Rule you guilty regardless of your…Lady Sakuya?!”

It seems like the fairy leader (or you assume to be the leader) has just now noticed Sakuya standing there right next to you. You can see her face is as emotionless as ever as she stares at the three little fairy maids.

Fairy 2: “Well…didn’t see that coming.”
Fairy 3: “FAIRY!
Fairy 1: “S-she’s right, shouldn’t you be punishing this man for causing all this commotion instead of dancing with him?!”

“Who said I was dancing?” Sakuya replies with a cold viciousness in her voice.

Fairy 3: “FAIRY!
Fairy 1: “T-that’s a good point, how can you call yourself the perfect and elegant maid when you…”

Sakuya crosses her arms and scowls visibly at the fairies. The three fairies are now visibly shaken at Sakuya’s threatening glare and hold each other in fear. Oh shit…you have to do something or bad things will happen. Hey, how did this problem arise? From dancing. How will you solve this problem? By dancing!

Hey, you lil’ ladies wanna dance with us?

You nod at Flandre who starts to play another upbeat tune and the place gets lively again as you do a little jig on the spot. The three fairies look at you suspiciously and huddle together for a group discussion.

Fairy 3: “FAIRY!
Fairy 2: “Excellent observation, we can’t get scolded by the mistress if we were dancing under the watchful eye of the head maid…”
Fairy1: “Alright! It looks like years of scrutinizing our peers has finally paid off! Let’s go have some fun!!”

The three fairies break the huddle, turn towards you, and curtsy to show their acceptance of your offer. They join in the hoedown, but their movements are uncoordinated as well but this time due to a lack of experience instead of not knowing the style of dance. They slowly start to get into the rhythm of things and they fully join in the revelry.

“SAKUYA!” A loud indignant voice rocks the room at an impressive volume, followed by a series of pitiful coughs, comes from the direction of the staircase. There stands a purple haired lady in Pajamas breathing heavily as if she became overly exerted from shouting and stares at you and Sakuya with bloody murder on her mind.

“Dammit! What the hell are you doing causing such a ruckus outside the library?! You were supposed to prevent loud noises from entering the library, not help instigate it! What do you think you’re doing you…you…” She breaks into a fit of coughing before finishing her sentence. “Padster!” And then she starts to cough and wheeze some more after getting that final word out of her.

A series of gasps erupt from the three fairies as they stare at their master for her reaction. Sakuya didn’t look really effected by this person’s word at first, but when she said “Padster,” you see Sakuya visibly blanch.
Wait, what the fuck is a padster?

“She pads her chest because she’s insecure about the size of her breasts.” The purple-haired lady sneers in contempt as she breaks into another fit of coughing. You didn’t pay a lot of attention to Sakuya’s bust (Yuuka has enough bust for you), but you remember Sakuya having a fairly decent sized pair. You sneak a peak at her chest and it seems a bit larger than you remembered it…

“What’s the matter Sakuya? You look a lot puffier today! Who are you trying to impress, hmm?” This person continues to verbally berate poor Sakuya and she simply stands there and takes it silently. You notice her hands are quivering, but she keeps herself in check. Jeeze, was your little hoedown really that disruptive to her daily routine?

“YES IT WAS!” More coughing. “I’d kick your ass, but I don’t feel like I’m on top of the world right now. Marisa stole some more of my books, my asthma has been killing me today, I can’t enjoy my reading because of the horrible sound coming from here (Flandre looks down at her feet in shame), and now I find out that the so called ‘Perfect Maid’ is not only doing shit about the noise, but she‘s also the source of it!” Patchy sounds absolutely irritated (and ill) over how poorly her day has gone.

Hey, she has no right to talk to Sakuya like that! She didn‘t help you start the hoedown, you did it by yourself!

“Good for you! What, do you want a medal or something? I’m gonna go back to the library, so please keep it down to a respectable level. Like completely silent.” She mutters some more curses to herself and wheezes her way up the stairs as she floats away out of sight.

Everything is now silent as the three fairy maids slowly tiptoe their way up the stairs and out of the basement as well.

Now you’re left in an awkward position with Flandre holding onto the fiddle with a sad look on her face and Sakuya looking downward, trying to contain all the emotion probably. You try to apologize for having her get scolded like that, but she quickly reaches into her apron pocket and retrieves a small bag which sounds like its full of coins.

“Here, I was to give this to you when you earned Flandre’s trust.” She holds the bag out to you while still looking downward at the ground.
“Its an allowance for Flandre to spend while in the Human Village. Please make sure she spends it wisely.”

You take the bag and try to look at her face, but she turns her head when you do. Jeeze, is having someone find out that they pad their chest really such a terrible thing? You’re sure women do it all the time! You once again try to apologize to her, but she just tells you to go.

“Just go…”

[x] Tell her that you like her breasts the way they are.
[x] Uh, okay. Bye.
[x] Don’t say anything to her, just grab Flandre and walk out of there silently. Some people find solace in solitude.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.
[x] Tell her that you like her breasts the way they are.
- "Big and small, I like them all!"
[x] Tell her you like her breasts the way they are.
<s>[x] Squeeze them in emphasis</s>
Why is Patchy being such a bitch?
[yep] Tell her a flat chest is fine too.
Fucking pettanko man.
[x] Ask Sakuya if she wants to come with you.
[x] Or just grab her and take her with you.
[x] Tell her that you like her breasts the way they are.
[x] Besides, there are other assets she can be proud of. Like her lower rear as an example.

Don't be sad, Sakuya. Men like checking out womens' ass as well. Especially the peachy ones.

Yeah every girl have different 'gardens' for men to admire. Besides, at least she baths as well. Not sure about Patchouli. I can bet she's not even wearing undergarments on her.
[x] Tell her that you like her breasts the way they are.

I swear, with each update, I don't even know what Joe is anymore. Joe is an average Joe yes, but now he's always less of an average Joe. Fiddle-playing? Awesome, yes, but does this talent really come naturally or was he a fiddle-player before? Bah, I'm looking too deep into this.

[x] Tell her that you like her breasts the way they are.
[*]Take her pads, equip them on your eyes, and pose heroically.
[*] Tell her that you like her breasts the way they are.

Joe's obviously just an old southern gentleman. All us southern folk can play a good fiddle.
[x] Tell her you like her breasts the way they are. There's more too beauty then diameter of chest lumps.
-[x] Ask Sakuya if she wants to come with you.
-[x] Or just grab her and take her with you.
[x] Tell her you like her breasts the way they are. There's more too beauty then diameter of chest lumps.
-[x] Ask Sakuya if she wants to come with you.
-[x] Or just grab her and take her with you.
Also, would have gotten Patchy into the gig too if I could.
and one last thing, we should take Flan to that barrier around aya's house.
[x] Tell her you like her breasts the way they are. There's more too beauty then diameter of chest lumps.
-[x] Ask Sakuya if she wants to come with you.
-[x] Or just grab her and take her with you.
[x] Tell her you like her breasts the way they are. There's more to beauty then diameter of chest lumps.
-[x] Some may prefer other areas, such as the legs.
-[x] Ask Sakuya if she wants to come with you.
-[x] Or just grab her and take her with you.

What kind of idiot would go about groping her? If one wants flat/small, there's our loving daughter Tenshi for that!
Because she's a French maid. French maids are hawt. Don't try to deny me. A chance like this doesn't happen every day. (unless you get Yuuka to dress in a maid outfit, which I doubt'll happen).
I think Joe could talk Yuuka into dressing up as a french maid, that's the whole start of the relationship, is the feeling of her being dominated for once.
Douchebag route:
[x] Equip Moonwalker
-[x] Dance to "My Humps" in a taunting manner.
Nice guy route:
[x] Hug Sakuya
-[x] Comfort her ( "I like your breasts the way they are" etc.)
File 128830252450.png - (7.55KB, 352x123, Hi.png) [iqdb]
[x] Tell her that you like her breasts the way they are.

Well, you probably haven’t seen what her breast size really is but you figure that, whatever it is, it isn’t as bad as she thinks it is. You and cheer her up by telling her that you like her breasts regardless of its size.


She looks up at you puzzled and you don’t blame her. You just told her that you liked the size of her breasts in an incredibly casual way, like saying you like her hair color. She blushes heavily and averts her eyes to avoid eye contact and you put your hand on her shoulder to affirm her that your statements are true. Besides, breasts aren’t the only thing that people (including men) look at. A great ass would attract anyone’s gaze as easily as a huge pair of tits, and you wouldn’t doubt that she has a great ass to make up for her humble love lumps.

“My ass…?”

Sakuya looks confused as ever and you once again understand why. She’s dressed rather conservatively (compared to other women in the outside world) as her skirt goes down a little bit past her knees and leaves a lot to the imagination. In fact, you don’t know anything about her ass but hey, it’s not the aesthetic features that matters, it’s what’s on the inside that counts…and you do mean that to be a double entendre.

You tell Sakuya to flaunt what she’s got and she brings her hand up to her chin in contemplation.

“What I got, huh…”

She stands there in deep contemplation and you get the bad feeling that she’s going to do something drastic based on your comments, but before you say another word, your hand that was on her should is now outstretched in thin air with a playing card in between your fingers. That’s…weird. You could have sworn you had your hand on Sakuya’s shoulder but…bah never mind. Your mind probably farted and she left while you were stunned and confused. It doesn’t explain the card in your hand though (A King of Spades), but you shrug and pocket the card without another thought.

Oh shit! You forgot about Flandre! You turn around to see Flandre standing there and sniffling to herself while clutching the fiddle to her chest. Oh yeah, that lady (you assume to be Patchouli) called her music horrible didn’t she? You walk on over to her and pat her on the head as you kneel down to look at her straight in the face. You tell her that her playing was NOT horrible, and that you enjoyed it very much.

“R-really?” Flandre looks up at you with big, hopeful, teary eyes and you smile at her while rubbing her head. Sure, she might even surpass you in skill if she keeps at it. Hell, if you needed a back up fiddler, she’d be your first choice (as you doubt that there will be another person in Gensokyo who plays a fiddle, or even a stringed instrument for that matter). She gives you a big happy smile and drops the fiddle to give you a big hug.

“I wuv you!” she says while snuggling against your chest. Your bones start to creak under the strain of her incredible strength, but you tough it out for her sake. She continues to huggle you and you’re almost completely overwhelmed at how adorable Flandre is. Who said she was some kind of psychotic killing machine who’d flip out at the drop of a hat? Rubbish! You poke your hat to see how Val is doing and she flinches in response to the sudden stimulus and she shivers greatly. Well, at least Val’s still there, but you suddenly realize that Flandre has fallen asleep clinging to you like a baby bat to it’s mother. You put your arm under her and stand back up supporting her sleeping body with one arm.
So…uh, lets go to the human village then?

You walk out of the basement and ask a fairy (who looks rather panicked at the sight of you and sleeping Flandre) and she kindly guides you out of the mansion. Well! They’re not so useless after all! You thank the fairy and exit the mansion. You get to the front gates where you see, once again, the ever vigilante gate guard standing in front of the gate in her constant state of vigilance. You try to open the gate and, what do you know, it opens! You walk by the gate guard to avoid another scene and she just lets you go. You look back into her face and her eyes are closed and she has a smile of satisfaction on her face (which looks oddly like Flandre’s face).

Alright! You continue walking to the human village, but the trip there is rather boring and lonely despite being in the company of two other people. Flandre continues to blissfully sleep the trip away and Val refuses to budge from under your hat. Man, what’s wrong with her? You poke your hat once again and she flinches under your hat and shivers…once again. You whisper to Val that it’s okay to come out and she doesn’t respond.
Well fine then, she can stay up there hiding for as long as she wants.

You enter the human village and the sights are just as fun and hectic as before. People running this way and that to the many different carts and stalls that line the sides of the streets. The sounds of children screaming in delight and the adults chattering away about what stuff they bought covers the entire festival in a constant low hum. You are actually amazed that people decided to go another night for this festival, but hey, who are you to judge?

“Ooh! Ooh! I wanna look at that stall!” Flandre suddenly wakes up (or was she awake this whole time and was just pretending to sleep?) and points over to a stall a short distance away with a few customers around it. The sign atop says “Dolls”. Hmm, well alright. What’s the worst that could happen? You try to let Flandre down but she shakes her head firmly and clings to your tighter (and more painfully). Alright, alright…you carry her over the stall like a father holding his child and she jumps out of your arms once you get right up to the counter.

There are many dolls on the counter and she eyes them all carefully and with much scrutiny. You couldn’t really care less, but you look anyways out of sheer curiosity. As you would expect, there are many different kinds of dolls in many different styles, shapes, and sizes. Large plushy animals, small hand sized dolls in dresses, action figures with ripped bodies…hey wait a minute.
Your eyes come across a particular doll that looks just like you…
Weird, it’s greatly exaggerated in its features (the abs, the muscles, etc.) but apart from that, it has the same pants, shoes, everything as you. If you didn’t know any better, you would say that someone (with incredible detail and skill) created a doll in your likeness and sold it to this stall owner guy.

“Ooooh, I want this one!” Flandre picks out a dirty, old, yellow fox doll with two tails, a red gem connected to a wire on its head and this horrible gaze that seems to penetrate your very soul. Why does she want that one?!

“Oh ho! You have a very keen eye little girl! For such a sharp eye, I will let you have that doll absolutely FREE!” The shopkeeper makes a dramatic gesture with his hands and Flandre squeals in happiness.

Wait, there’s something wrong with this scene. Why would the shopkeeper give away this doll so eagerly and for free? It doesn’t make any sense…

“Yay! Look! Look! The nice man gave this to me for free!” She starts hopping up and down while holding the doll in her hands and showing it to you in triumph. You look at the doll and you get this horrible feeling of death, doom, and die coming from it.

You tell Flan to give the doll back.

Flandre doesn’t respond, but she just simply stands there and looks at you perplexed. The happiness in her face is slowly draining away, and she just stares at you.


Because…Well, uh, a fine lady of your upbringing wouldn’t be caught dead purchasing something for free! Here, what about this lovely Joe doll…?

“I dun wanna!” Flandre shouts in protest and she holds the doll in her arms. You get hit full force with a powerfully killing intent and she glares at you with terrifying eyes. Holy shit…did she completely lose it? You would worry about your own safety but, the sick part is, the doll is more of your concern right now. You feel Flandre’s powerful energy radiating from her, but the doll has an evil, colder presence and it seems to absorb all of Flandre’s energy into it. Flandre is unaware of the…thing she’s holding in her arms, but as it stares into your eyes (your very soul), you hear music and a small voice sing inside your head.

Can you feel the sunshine?
Does it brighten up your day?
Don’t you feel like sometimes…
You just want to run away?

[x] No Flandre! Put that doll down! Its dangerous!
[x] No Flandre, how about this adorable green cow doll with two horns (and a ribbon on one) and a tail that wags on its own?
[x] Fuckin’ RUN AWAY
[x] What? You see no harm in such a thing.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.

The only thing stopping you is the lack of a maid outfit...I mean, you don't even have to take Flandre around the festival, just buy a maid outfit and bring it back to Yuuka's house for some fun. But you'd still have to live with the consequence of not taking care of Flan...

Okay, this made me laugh. I was so tempted to do the douchebag route, but that'd be a horrible way to have a bad end.
[x] No Flandre, how about this adorable green cow doll with two horns (and a ribbon on one) and a tail that wags on its own?

Now THAT sounds like an awesome doll. For a little girl.

Is Yukari recruiting people from beyond the border to deal with Joe? I have a bad feeling she is.
[*] What? You see no harm in such a thing.
-[*] In fact, attach the thread to it and make it do a jig. Gotta calm down Flandre somehow.

Can you see?
The sun is shining on me
It makes me feel so free, so alive~
It makes me want to
[x] Take doll
-[x] Fucking crush it with your bare hands.
-[x] Tell Flandre that little monster radiates evil or something to justify the destruction of it.
[x] Engage in staring contest with doll.
[X] You can keep the doll for now but you'll have to ask Remi if you're allowed keeping it. That thing....is creepy.
If things Progress badly
-[X] Boogeyman
--[X] Negotiate
[x] Engage in staring contest with doll.

Bring it on fucker. We ain't losing here.
[x] Whatever. Let her have the doll.
-[x] Find clothes shop and get a maid outfit
-[x] Go to Yuuka's house, bring Flandre along
-[x] Have her wait outside while you take care of some "business".
[x] CaN yOU FeLl tHE SuNSHinE?
[x] Engage in staring contest with doll.
-[x] But on a second thought Flandre, how about this adorable green cow doll with two horns (and a ribbon on one) and a tail that wags on its own?

A tail that wags on its own? Definitely BETTER than that fucking doll. And if that doesn't work, then add this:

[x] how about that doll that wearing a bus tour guide hat, has wires coiling around and ball on left chest.
[x] Engage in staring contest with doll.
Could someone bring me up to speed on what the doll is?

You must be really new as most folks on the internet know it's a "OH SHIT RUN!" sort of thing.

[x] >>24175
-[x] Explain to Flan that it was an evil thing.
-[x] Afterwards, talk the guy in private about disposing of the profane object.

Lets get her something lovable instead of something that'll suck up her power and unleash hell on earth.

But it does seem Val's really afraid of Flan.
[X] 'Convince' the guy to change his mind when Flandre is not looking.
Traveling through a magic forest
On a crappy trail, made by a florist
I met a strange lady, she dressed like a witch
She took me in and gave me breakfast
And she said,

"Do you come from outside the border?
Where wintertime is so much warmer?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the warder?
You better run, you better take cover."

Buying toast from a man in the Village
He was pretty big, a manly visage
I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"
He just smiled and gave me a boar-meat sandwich
And he said,

"I come from outside the border
Where beer does flow and men chunder!
Can't you hear, can't you hear the warder?
You better run, you better take cover."

Lying in a bed of flowers
Hiding out here, good place to cower
I said to the man, "Why couldn't you help me
Not become another deportee?"
And he said,

"Oh! Do you come from outside the border? (oh yeah yeah)
Where wintertime is so much warmer?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the warder?
You better run, you better take cover."
*claps hands together*
*claps feet together*
File 128850218929.gif - (63.60KB, 450x450, It moves!.gif) [iqdb]
[x] Engage in staring contest with the doll.
[x] No Flandre, how about this adorable green cow doll with two horns (and a ribbon on one) and a tail that wags on its own?

(Sorry for being late, I’m constantly being solicited for my time)

You have to protect Flandre from this damnable thing! You would rather destroy this it and face the consequences than let it terrorize the good people of Gensokyo! In response to that, Flandre’s eyes start glowing a dangerous red, her nails grow out about 4 inches, and she bares her fangs at you. Okay, you’d rather destroy the thing and LIVE if possible, but you don’t back down nonetheless.

You stare into the “eyes” of the strange doll and you find yourself being pulled in deeper and deeper into the dark void of its eyes. It’s as if your eyesight is slowly zooming in closer and closer until the entirety of your vision is now completely dark. You feel like your whole body is being stretched out and probed for every wrong doing that you’ve ever done, and ever right deed is sucked out and consumed by the darkness. You start to panic when you are unable to break the grasp of the doll on your soul. The sensation is akin to drowning with your arms trapped to your side and your legs pinned to the ground and, struggle as you might, you cannot free yourself. You close your eyes to shut out the darkness, but it still penetrates your very soul and you are helplessly drawn into the doll’s maw. You stared into the abyss and now the abyss stares into you.

“Heya boss! Who’s the kid?”

You feel a heavy hand slap you strongly on the back (probably enough to shatter someone’s spine) and you immediately snap out of the doll’s grip and you stumble forwards.
Huh? What?

“What’re standing around all goofy like for?” Yuugi takes a bite out of her tayaki and looks at you with interest. You blink a few times and look around to see Flandre standing defensively in front of you with the doll in her arms. Your eyes are suddenly drawn towards the eyes and…

“HEY! Stop ignoring me!” Another slap crashes down on your back and this time it sends you forward into Flandre and the doll goes flying…

Straight into a bonfire.

“NO!” Flandre cries out, but you manage to recollect your senses, stand up and hold her back before she flies into the fire. The bon-fire (which coincidentally happened to be burning nearby) turns pitch-black and people begin screaming in fear as souls begin flying out of the fire and into the night sky. Then, as quickly as it started, the fire is suddenly extinguished and not even a smolder remains. You don’t see any trace of the horrid doll and you breathe a sigh of relief. Flandre, on the other hand, starts to sniffle and cry in your arms.

Thinking quickly, you reach towards the doll stand and grab the nearest one which is a round, green, almost cow like looking thing with a fuzzy tail and horns. You give it to her and she looks it over curiously. It’s incredibly plushy and her hands sink inside of it, but that was probably the selling point for her and she hugs it lovingly. It’s tail starts to wag on its own and Flandre is absolutely ecstatic. She continues to hug and cuddle it and you ask the stall owner how much it’ll cost.

“No no, I believe I’ve caused you enough trouble sir. Please, take it as a gift.”

You eye the man suspiciously, but you don’t believe he has any malice in his voice. You look over at Flandre, who shows no sign of anger or danger like before and you pat her on the head.

“Uh, yeah, you’re not gonna blame me for that, are ya?” Yuugi points to the remains of the bonfire and takes another bite out of he tayaki. On the contrary! You thank her for saving your soul.

“Huh? I saved your life?” Yuugi asks confusedly.
More or less, but yeah, she saved your life. Yuugi suddenly grins devilishly and finishes eating her tayaki before walking up and standing very close to you.

“Well then, that means you owe me something, right?” Yuugi presses herself up against you and places her hands on your shoulders. You push her off and tell her that you’ll buy her a drink later and she seriously contemplates this offer…

“Why hello there sah!” A silly looking man with a striped top hat, suspenders, curly mustache of which he often twizzles, and goofy shoes greets you while pulling a large object covered by tarp.

“Greetings! I am but a simple traveling showman (sounds familiar…), and I’m here today to unveil the grand opening of my WHEEL OF FATE!!!” He throws his hands over his head in a display of showmanship, but you are not amused.

“Ehem, well, you sah are lucky to be standing near the spot of my grand opening! So, as my first customer, I shall allow you ONE go at my wheel for ABSOLUTELY FREE! And you even get ONE FREE RE-ROLLf if you are not satisfied!” He shouts certain words like “one” and “absolutely free” while sweeping his hands grandly in front of him, you guess, in order to impress you. A wheel of fate sounds horribly cheesy, but its piqued enough of your interest to see what it is.

“BEHOLD!” the strange man shouts as he pulls off the tarp to show a wheel of fortune like board except standing straight up instead of lying on the ground. The numbers on the wheel are as shown:

1-3: Acquire a bag of money
4-7: Death of a loved one
8: Mr. Miyagi
9: Meet someone special
10-13: Change gender
14-17: Have a child with your lover
18-21: Have an illegitimate child with someone
22-25: Travel forwards through time 10 years
26-29: Gain a new trait
30-33: Lose all of your wealth
34-37: Switch bodies with someone
38-41: Get delicious cake
42-45: Get a coupon for one free meal at Zaxby’s
46-49: Lose all of your abilities
50-53: Acquire one free miracle
54-57: Acquire one free wish
58-61: Become invisible
62-65: Kill one person of your choice
66-69: Acquire a bag of infinite money
70-73: Never age
74-77: Spouse is switched with someone else
78-81: Gain the abilities of someone
82-85: Someone falls in love with you
86-89: Gain the ability to read minds
90-93: Become royalty
94-97: Lose the ability to refuse anything
98: Get a bottle of beer
99: Fight the strongest
100: Ascend to godhood

Huh, interesting…

“OH! And before I forget…”

He pulls out a smaller wheel from behind the wheel of fate and it has the names of several familiar (and not so familiar people).

“This is for when we need to decide which person that ‘someone’ is.” The goofy man presents the second wheel and allows you to look it over before spinning the Wheel of Fate:

1-3: Reimu Hakurei
4-7: Marisa Kirisame
8-11 :Yuuka Kazami
12-15: Alice Margatroid
16-19: Hong Meiling
20-23: Tenshi Hinanai
24-27: Sakuya Izayoi
28-31: Remilia Scarlet
32-35: Flandre Scarlet
36-39: Youmu Konpaku
40-43: Yuyuko Saigyouji
44-47: Suika Ibuki
48-51: Keine Kamishirasawa
52-55: Reisen Udongein Inaba
56-59: Eirin Yagokoro
60-63: Kaguya Houraisan
64-67: Hatate Himekaidou
68-71: Aya Shameimaru
72-75: Komachi Onozuka
76-79: Captain Minamistu (MOTHERFUCKIN’) Murasa
80-83: Nitori Kawashiro
84-87: Sanae Kochiya
88-91: Yuugi Hoshiguma
92-95 Suwako Moriya
96-99:Iku Nagae
100: Yukari Yakumo

“So, young man.” The strange man addresses you directly, “Want to give it a spin?”
Nah, looks stupid. Besides, supposing it DOES work, a lot of these things would absolutely ruin your life and you‘d rather not take that chance. No thanks.

“Oh come on, what are you…” He smirks at you, “Chicken?”

[x] NOBODY CALLS ME CHICKEN! NOBODY! (spin the wheel)
[x] This thing is dangerous and should no longer be allowed to exists! (Destroy the wheel)
[x] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.

(Fun fact, I based this off of a friend’s “Wheel of Fate”. A word of warning though, he had to have it removed because it would often break or warp the game so badly that nobody wanted to play anymore, so ROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK. I will roll a 1d100 to see the outcome and will post the screenshot.)
>he had to have it removed because it would often break or warp the game so badly that nobody wanted to play anymore
Hmm, sounds kind of dangero-

>Get a coupon for one free meal at Zaxby’s

[*] NOBODY CALLS ME CHICKEN! NOBODY! (spin the wheel)
Go for the delicious golden brown chicken!
[x] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.

We don't take risks. We make them. We need no wheel! Even if it gives us a shot at killing Yukari instantly, we shall use our damn bare hands to kill her, not some sorcerer's tool of questionable usage!

And I take it back, this mysterious man is not a entrepreneur who is trying to spread of benefits of capitalism to Gensokyo but a swindling con-artist stealing people's hard earned... stuff.

Dang it Hat, why is it that you're story is so crazy?
[x] Go back to the future!
File 128850581820.png - (149.13KB, 263x323, Shantotto DEAL WITH IT.png) [iqdb]
[x] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.

lol'd @ Have a child with your daughter

[x] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.
[x] Break his so-called "Wheel of Fate" into many tiny pieces.
-[x] Shove them up his ass.
--[x] Comfort Flandre over the loss of the doll and take her out to eat (and possibly get a maid outfit for Yuuka).
[x] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.
[x] Destroy Wheel of Fate.
-[x] Break strange man's face.
[X] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.

Why hello there Yukari! Nice disguise by the way.

> 82-85: Someone falls in love with you
> 100: Yukari Yakumo

So Yukari would change from someone who wants us to die a slow and extremely painful death to a psychotic yandere who's trying to kill us because "If [she] can't have you, NO ONE WILL!"

Not sure if want, but more to the 'do not want' side.
[X] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.
[x] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.

Just read all of this, it was obsurdly great, and a few recent comments

As nice as the freezer option appearing every time, at least could you cut it out of impossible times, like while in the dream.
Also on the note of the freezer, I kinda want to vote it with Flandre with us, but figured a bad idea still, though potentially entertaining.
[x]Roll option
I don't understand. Are you going to roll twice to see who it affects? How does wheel work
[x] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.

Now if this was earlier before getting a Lovely Wife and Daughter and so forth, I'd say yeah, but we don't need any wheels to progress now.
[*] NOBODY CALLS ME CHICKEN! NOBODY! (spin the wheel)
[x] This wheel is an eyesore, destroy it.
[x] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.
File 128855297031.jpg - (39.96KB, 344x425, marty-mcfly.jpg) [iqdb]
[x] NOBODY CALLS ME CHICKEN! NOBODY! (spin the wheel)
Change >> 24196 to:


Fuck playing it safe, ROLL THAT MOTHER FUCKER
[X] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.

Now I want a hakutaku plushie.
[a] smooth criminal: timewarp while spinning the wheel. If you don't like the options, then just say
"let's do the timewarp again!" I'm sure it will work out.

Or escape fate. On a side note... Don't we have the fate controller's younger sis with us?

Plus, this story already is a giant mindfuck, so, why not?
It's smuck bait, basically a to really screw up the story, taking advantage of Stupid Anon's tendency to take such foolish options.
Or it could just be a simple chance to sequence break...assuming we don't hit the option that sends us back to Lunatic mode like we were supposed to be on this whole time anyway.

Wait a minute, that means we technically broke it way back when anyway.
[x] NOBODY CALLS ME CHICKEN! NOBODY! (spin the wheel)
Tempying fate is a sure-fire way to get your ass handed to you, and then some.
[X] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.
[x] NOBODY CALLS ME CHICKEN! NOBODY! (spin the wheel)

I dont know why im choosing this. Its incredibly risky and dangerous, yet i want to roll it anyways!
File 128859051958.jpg - (131.42KB, 850x790, 79c437fd92be5cc7c94c4bb21478bfe7.jpg) [iqdb]
Correct me if i'm wrong, but I believe there are:
9 Votes for rolling the wheel
9 Votes for ignoring him.

Now, unless someone throws in a tiebreaker, I'm going to settle this the only way I know how...

Pic possibly related.

On a side note, I was at a Halloween party and someone asked me to hang on to their top hat for a second (bobbing for apples or something) so I put the top hat on top of the hat I was wearing and thus became "Double-Hat"

I never gave back their hat


What's the worst that could happen?

Oh god... now you're at Noble Assessment level. All you need now is one more hat and you will reach Towering Pillar level.

Dang it, Hat, or I should say Double-Hat, you keep having crazier and insaner adventurers. All I did was go to Broadway this Halloween.

We do get one free respin. Fortune favours the bold and all that.

Besides, no one calls Joe chicken and gets away with it. He didn't back down to Yuugi, and he sure as hell won't be backing down now.
[X] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.

Stop acting stupid Anon, it's way too good to be true.

Besides, we're here for Flandre, not ourdicksselves.
[X] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.

Rolling is only asking for trouble
Dammit Anon. If you were just gonna keep it tied at least leave it at ⑨s so we can have whatever Cirno-themed update the doubled sombrero would've written.
[X] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.

The entire things just screams setup. Besides we're manly enough that we don't need some stinking wheel.

fucking samefags rigging this shit
[X] Ignore him. Take Flandre out to go get something to eat, see some fireworks or something and go back to the mansion.
[x] Spin the wheel.
[X] Ignore him

We have more important things to worry about
Yep; we have badass skills, a equally badass yet beautiful wife, a tough as heaven daughter who's great in the sack and the wife is okay with it.

We stand far more to lose than to gain with this.
We've hit the autosage ONCE AGAIN! Good lord, this CYOA is unstoppable now!

And yeah... we can lose quite a bit for a bad roll. Sure, a bad roll is not too likely to happen, if it does happen, we are set back pretty far.
[■] NOBODY CALLS ME CHICKEN! NOBODY! (spin the wheel)

Don't suppose when can use that one title to somehow focus SO hard we get a good result?
but most rolls would mess up the happy set up we have going; such a thing can ruin a story. I think the brainless votes are going a bit too far, look at that one SDM story where such (lack of) thinking resulted in wounding Reimu and losing the MC's friend.
I just know that either option will end badly.
hat, this is your damn fault for pointing out the tie!
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