- (109.83KB, 450x571, spycrab.png)
[x] No wait, that bitch REALLY pissed you off. Give her a big sloppy kiss to rub salt in the wound.
[x] Moonwalk, Electric Slide, and crab walk out in style.
(fuck it, I like all these suggestions so I’m gonna make this work.)
(I’M GONNA MAKE THIS WORK.)
Hahaha! Oh man the look on her face was priceless! You sure wiped that smug look off of her face! Hell, that made you feel so good, you want to go above and beyond the call of duty. And so the cogs in your head begin to turn…
“Why you…” the blonde lady snarls while slowly standing up. All manner of elegance and grace gone from her figure, only to be replaced by a deadly aura.
However, you completely remove that deadly aura with another surprise attack!
Once again, quick as a flash, you move into that deadly aura grab the back of her head with one hand, and force your lips to hers as your tongue begins dancing inside her mouth. Your other hand, of course, reaches around and cops a major feel on her shapely arse.
“Mmmmph…?!” Your victim can only moan as she is completely and absolutely surprised by this sudden violation of personal space and is unable to fight back. Her deadly aura quickly dissolves into shock and horror. The onlookers at the bar only stare at how ballsy you are and continue watching with interest, hoping something more would happen.
Now, you love copping a feel and everything, but the main goal of your other hand was to reach into her back pocket and fish for a quarter. Of course, due to the laws of awesome, you manage to find one (and you couldn’t resist copping one more feel) and after untangling your tongue from the shocked blonde lady‘s, you slowly turn towards the side of the room with a jukebox about a good 45 feet away. Every eye in the bar is locked on you (including the lady you just violated) as they eagerly anticipate what you’ll do next. You place the quarter in between your thumb and index finger and, in one quick, fluent motion, you flick the quarter towards the jukebox. All the eyes in the bar are now on the quarter as it slowly soars across the bar towards its destination. What normally takes about a second to happen, elongates to 10 seconds, as if time itself stopped to watch what will happen. The silence of the bar is broken by the small *chink* of the quarter sliding into the slot perfectly.
The record inside the jukebox lifts and is slowly replaced by a much more recognizable song. The needle on the track begins to lower and there is nary a sound as the needle is placed upon the record.
“OW!” screams the jukebox as the entire bar erupts in movement. Smooth Criminal begins playing and everyone begins to dance and move in an entirely choreographed way. Of course, you play the role as the King of Pop so you tilt the frilly hat on your head and proceed to dance the FUCK out of this bar, broken hips be damned. You and the entire bar (except for the blonde lady of course) reenact the ENTIRE scene from moonwalker perfectly, almost as if all the patrons were waiting for someone to come along and initiate the whole thing. Near the end, the police bust on in and try to apprehend you. Yeah, turns out that somebody saw you trying to toss something off the roof of your apartment and drive off in a very reckless manner with a child in tow that you were previously unaffiliated with and then somehow manage to connect the exploding car in the middle of the highway with your car. How very inconvenient. Luckily, the patrons of the bar manage to smuggle you out the back (because damn it wouldn’t you save someone who can dance like Michael from Moonwalker?) and now you’re back on the streets again, but this time the sidewalks and streets are populated by many people.
Hmm, you may be safe (for now), but you are slowly engulfed by a inexplicable urge to dance! You try your best to resist is as standing out isn’t going to aid your survivability, but a man walks by you with a ghetto blaster on his shoulder playing, wouldn’t you know it, Electric slide!
Awwww SHIT now how can you resist that? You completely ignore the pain in your lower body as you do the electric slide right there on the side walk. The man with the ghetto blaster sees you doing the Electric Slide and starts to boogie on with you! Eventually, a large crowd gathers around you and spills out into the nearby street, blocking traffic and causing a huge pile up that goes back as far as you can see. Fortunately, every driver, instead of jumping out of their cars to beat your ass, instead jumps out and starts dancing with everyone! Now you’ve got a whole crowd doing the electric slide with you in the middle of the whole thing.
Oh yeah, you were trying to get away to safety, but how can you inconspicuously escape the crowd of people who now follow you like their messiah? Why, by imitating the endangered (but stealthy) spy crab! You place your hands over your head, somehow managed to crouch down with your bad hips, and scuttle away. Unfortunately, your charisma level is SO high at this point, everyone imitates you and now you have an entire army scuttling along with you! Its all like a demented version of HALFBY: Rodeo Machine (look it up) as your spy crab army envelopes all you fail to get out of the way. In the resulting chaos, you manage to slip into an alleyway unnoticed and catch your breath. Man, its not easy Having all that charisma!
Good job! You’ve gotten the title “Smooth Criminal” which, once equipped, gives a huge boost to your charisma and allows you to solve many of your problems by DANCING.
You’ve also gained the ability “Shock and Awe” which allows you to take somebody completely by surprise, regardless of the situation.
Also, you’re masculinity meter returns to normal levels, but your AWESOME meter is completely pegged, allowing you to gain ONE permanent trait, choose wisely.
[x] Charisma- People are naturally attracted to you and are easily persuadable.
[x] Badass Motherfuckery- You are a BITCH to kill. Your toughness skyrockets and allows you to be a complete badass even when near death.
[x] Hokuto Shinken- Learn the 2 thousand year old martial arts of assassination. Kenshiro would be proud.