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1767 No. 1767
From /jp/

"Let's fight Youkai: EoSD edition!"

Rumia:

You spot a dark sphere nearby. Looks like Rumia. You yell to her.

"Rumia, let's have a fight! Not danmaku, but physical!"

"Is that so~ OK, I'll beat you, then eat you!"

In a flash, Rumia dashes towards you with superhuman speed. You can hardly even follow her movement. Instinctively, you jump to the side.

A massive gust of wind blows past you and the sun momentarily dims. You turn around to see Rumia lying on the ground, unconcious, in front of a tree.

Cirno:

You spot Cirno at the Misty Lake. You yell to her:

"Cirno, let's have a fight! Not, danmaku, but physical!"

"Er... I'm mostly practiced at danmaku, but... well, I'm the strongest fairy, so there should be no problem here! I take your challenge!"

Cirno dives at you with a flying kick. You catch Cirno's leg and hold her in a lock with your arms.

"Ugh... the strongest... well, it's not really fair when you're twice my size..."

No. 1768
"Let's fight Youkai: EoSD edition!" part 2:

Meiling:

You spot Meiling at the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

"Meiling, let's have a fight! Not, danmaku, but physical!"

"A challenge from a human? Well, no problem, physical combat is my expertise!"

About 10 seconds later, she has you in a lock. You're not quite sure what happened.

"Come on, you're not good enough at martial arts to challenge me. Nothing to do with being a human -- get your black belt first!"

Patchouli:

You spot Patchouli while sneaking around the SDM:

"Patchouli, let's have a fight! Not, danmaku, but physical!"

"What? That's ridiculous! I refuse. I'd magic duel you though... if you knew any magic. Now get out of my library before I find a shelf to put you in."

Sakuya:

You spot Sakuya while near the human village:

"Sakuya, let's have a fight! Not, danmaku, but physical!"

Despite Sakuya being a few dozen yards away, you are immediately knocked out.

You wake up to find a note on your chest: "Don't be an idiot."
No. 1769
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1769
"Let's fight Youkai: EoSD edition!" part 3:

Remilia:

You spot Remilia while in a forest near the SDM:

"Remilia, let's have a fight! Not danmaku, but physical!"

"Haha, are you serious? This is a joke or trick, right?"

"No, I'm serious, let's go for it!"

"Very well, if you're that insane, I'll happily oblige! Even if this is a trick, it can't possibly hurt someone as powerful as me."

A spinning magic circle appears below Remilia. You charge towards her, but only moments later a massive glowing red spear appears in her hands. You instinctively roll to the side as a sharp pain runs up the side of your body. You glance over -- nothing actually hit you, the pain was just from the energy of the spear flying past you.

A disappointed look sits on Remilia's face. "Ugh, my aim seems to be getting worse. Old age isn't getting to me, I suppose?"

You try to run towards Remilia, but after a couple meters run straight into a magic barrier and are knocked back on your butt.

Remilia sighs, then disappears in a flash of light. A massive impact hits you like a speeding train. You glance down to see a bullet hole in your chest. It isn't near any vital area, but it hurts incredibly.

"Where did you get a gun?" you grunt.

"A gun? Hah! That was my finger! My finger alone is stronger than your entire body! Anyways, you don't even deserve to be killed by a vampire."

"You're not going to take my blood?"

"From a weakling like you? No, it might rub off on me, hahaha!"

Remilia flies off while muttering. "What a silly person."

You have a hunch your fate was just changed, but you're not sure how.
No. 1770
"Let's fight Youkai: EoSD edition!" part 4:

You are sneaking around the basement of the Scarlet Devil Mansion and spot Flandre.

"Flandre, let's have a fight! Not danmaku, but physical!"

"Who--who's there? Oh, a human? What are you doing here? Wait, you want to play?"

"Er, playing it is, I guess?"

"Playing isn't very fun with humans. They're too slow and break easily. And it's hard to fix them afterwards. And then Sakuya yells at me..."

You rush at Flandre to attack her.

"No, don't--"

You hear an explosion. You're blown backwards.

"Please don't, if I have to break you Sakuya will yell at me for making a mess..."

You run at Flandre again.

Suddenly, you spot a grin on Flandre's face. This doesn't look good...

You're blown into the air by a small explosion. Then again. And again. And again. It seems Flandre is "destroying" the air just below you, keeping you bouncing around the room, completely incapacitated. Your clothes are being torn up by the shockwaves and your skin mildly burnt.

After a few minutes of this, Flandre stops. "Egh, this is a bit boring. I guess I'll just finish it no--"

The door to the room slams open. Sakuya rushes in.

"What in the world are you doing, Flandre? And who is this human? You're playing with humans again, aren't you? I told you not to do that! Put this one back where you found it."

"But I found it here, Sakuya-san!"

"Well then, I'll deal with it. But next time this happens, call me!"

"OK, Sakuya-san!"

You're dragged out of the house by Sakuya and dumped outside. You fall unconscious.
No. 1771
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1771
"Let's fight Youkai: special edition!":

After a long trek through the underground, you walk into the Palace of the Earth Spirits. Dim light shines through the windows around the high ceilings, lending the building a bit of a creepy atmosphere. You hear a girlish voice from around the corner.

"Come on, human, you came all the way down here for such a silly thing? I can read your mind, my sister can help you with the darkest corners of your mind, and you come here to have a fistfight?"

You look around the corner; Satori is sitting there. You stare at her for a moment, distracted by her incredible beauty. But then you remember what you came here for and are snapped back to reality.

"Since you can read minds, of course you know -- I want to fight Youkai!"

"I'm not really the fighting type... do I really have to?" Satori frowns. "I like humans, I don't want to fight them anyways."

"But I want to fight!" you yell excitedly. "There's no backing down!"

"Ugh... ". Satori sighs, then yells: "Orin, can you take care of this one? And don't bring Okuu."

A few seconds later, Orin flies in the door.

Satori whispers to Orin, probably explaining the situation to her.

"Ooh, a fight!" exclaims Orin. "Sounds fun, are you ready? Wait, that was a trick question, of course you are!"

Orin rockets towards you, apparently combining the acceleration of ordinary flight powers with a cat-like leap. Before you can even prepare, she lands on top of you. You can hardly breathe as her breasts smother you. Orin is a lot lighter than you expected -- couldn't be more than 35kg -- but also a lot stronger. She stands up with one foot on your back, pinning you to the ground. You try to move, but it might as well be a train on your back -- her foot won't budge a millimeter. Even though you know it's a Youkai, It feels rather embarrassing to be so completely defeated by someone less than half your weight.

"Aww, that was a bit boring. I expected more out of you, at least some magic or something?"

"How silly", Satori mutters.

"What's the commotion here?" says Koishi as she walks into the room. "Oh... what a silly human. I'll fix that."

Koishi sits down and begins doing what looks like meditating. About a minute later, she hops up. "Done!", she exclaims.

Oddly enough, your desire to attack random Youkai has disappeared at this point. You decide to go home and get a job.
No. 1772
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1772
No. 1775
Uh, leave it on /jp/ next time.
No. 1776
Well, I found it amusing.
No. 1777
>>1776

You are easily amused.
No. 1811
Why not share some of the classics here? Starting with this:

You put your arm around Aya's waist as she kicks off her shoes and sits in your lap. She says nothing as she leans in and kisses you. She tosses her camera off to the side and wraps her arms around you.

Your run your other hand up her leg, under her skirt, and rest it on her upper thigh. She breaks off the kiss and blushes. "W-What are you doing?" she asks. Straining to keep her from noticing your rapidly growing erection, you blurt out something stupid and immediately cringe in embarrassment.

Unfazed, she kisses you again, your tongues locking in a deep embrace. Out of nowhere, you feel Aya's chest heave ever so slightly. She lets out a noise that sounds vaguely like gagging, and then a warm, thick fluid trickles into your mouth. Surprised at first, you try to break away from her kiss, but she holds the back of your head and continues to let the fluid flow into your mouth. Sickened and expecting it to taste like vomit, you are pleasantly surprised when it tastes like melted chocolate. You tentatively swallow some of it, and Aya pushes even more of it into your mouth with her tongue. Continuing to kiss her, you swallow more and more of the chocolate, and Aya moans with growing excitement.

After you've consumed all of it, she pulls away and giggles. "No human has ever let me feed them like that before..." She reaches down into your pants and tugs on your erect dick. "I suppose I should finish what I've started here, hmm?"


[ ]Hope she has a vagina
[ ]Stick it in her Cloaca
No. 1812
[X] Stop bumping stupid threads
No. 1813
>>1812
Grow a sense of humor.
No. 1814
>>1813

Get a good sense of humor.
No. 1815
>>1814
That sure means a lot on a board that is nothing but image dumps, incessant whining and >>1805

Now I won't be able to sleep peacefully at night knowing an uptight faggot doesn't find amusing the same things I do.
No. 1817
I admit, I was scared when I saw Fightanon going after Flandre. But he's all right.
No. 1818
>>1815
What's the point of [blue/ and /coriander/ anyway? The latter's apparently supposed to be Yuuka-centric, but of the two (high-quality) stories there, Yuuka died off in importance in one, and has nothing to do with the other.
No. 1819
>>1818
She was actually supposed to be the Big Bad, but Anon chose the Pickpocket mission instead. Now she's a ghost that spends the majority of her day haunting gardens and trolling with Mima and Shinki.
No. 1820
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1820
You're walking trough the Bamboo Forest, looking to pick a fight with a Youkai. You hear a rustling of leaves in the distance: looking carefully, you spot Tewi sneaking between the trees.

You quietly sneak up behind Tewi. You watched her every movement and are positive where she's hiding. You jump out in front of her and yell "BOO!"...

... except she isn't there. Where could she have go---

---WHAM. Tewi lands on your back, knocking you to the ground.

Tewi laughed. "You thought you could get me there, didn't you? Sorry, I've known this forest longer than humans have laid foot upon it -- you'll never surprise me here."

The impact with Tewi was hardly that debilitating -- Tewi isn't that much larger than a fairy. But you get the feeling that she wasn't particularly trying either...

You get to your bearings and stand up. "I challenge you to a fight, Tewi! And not a danmaku one, a real one!"

Tewi looks stunned for a moment, then begins failing badly at hiding her grin.

"Really? Reaaaaaaalllllyyyy?" Tewi begins to cackle almost maniacally.

"Yes, absolutely!", you respond with confidence.

"Alright!" Tewi lifts off, bounces off a half-dozen trees, and flies towards you. You try to dodge, but she expected that, too. With perfect execution, she knocks you out.

You wake up. There wasn't much pain; she seemed to intentionally have done it in a very clean fashion. Knowing Tewi, you can't imagine this is the end of her shenanigans.

You look around and realize -- you're tied up in the middle of the forest. You can't see anyone around, not even Tewi. After some inspection, you see that your bindings are tied to a number of trees, with the ropes hidden below the leaves. This prevents you from moving much in any direction.
No. 1821
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1821
The knots are sound; there's no way you'll get out of these without help. You sit around and wait for a while. While Tewi is known for her pranks, she wouldn't needlessly leave a human out to rot in the forest either; there must be something more going on.

A bit later, you hear a rustling. Glancing in that direction, you spot another pair of rabbit ears -- but this one was too high off the ground to be Tewi. As they moved closer, it was clear -- this was Reisen. You yell for help.

"What? Who is it?" yells Reisen in response. Soon she comes near you and sees your situation. "Who tied you up here?" she asked.

"Tewi", you respond.

"Oh, of course, I should have guessed. Well, undoing those ropes shouldn't be so hard. Let me just come over anWHOOAAA---

The ground gave way. Both Reisen and you tumble down into a pit, though the ropes are just short enough that they leave you hanging uncomfortably just above the bottom of the pit.

From your position you can see Reisen much more closely and intimately than you ever have before. She really is staggeringly beautiful, even covered with dirt in this pit. Her elegant long hair, very slim physique, and extremely impressive bust. Youkai are truly more attractive than any human could ever be--

"NOW!" A voice echoes from above. Flashes of light from above blind your eyes.

"Ayayayayayaya!" exclaims another voice from above. "What a scoop -- Reisen kidnaps human, prepares him for kinky torture! Tewi arrives just in time to save the innocent human from the evil Youkai! What a perfect story for my next Bunbunmaru edition!"

"What--" you mutter.

"TEEEEEEEWWIIIIIIIIII!!!!" yells Reisen.

Tewi deftly flies around and chops all of the ropes in the blink of an eye. She then picks you up and flies you out of the pit. "Don't worry, human, you're safe! Tewi's got you now!"

You sigh as the two of you head back to the human village.
No. 1822
>>1816
It's copy pasta. Just like this is:

Momiji in heat.

You come home and see that she's humping your furniture, and has completely lost her composure due to her desire to mate. She's all flustered that you saw her rubbing her dripping wet crotch against the couch, and you ask her what's wrong. Momiji is panting and out of breath and moans quietly as she starts to hump your leg, and in short order she's absolutely begging you to fuck her silly. Heat has absolutely driven her out of her mind, and she wants sex more than anything.

You then pick her up and she playfully nips at your ear and makes aroused-sounding growling noises as you carry her over to your bed...
No. 1823
>>1822
I know its copy pasta, but the inclusion of votes made me hopeful of a continuation. Obviously, there was no such luck.
No. 1824
>>1823
Tell you what: Next time I'm drunk and bored I might consider giving it a shot.
No. 1825
>>1824
Waiting warmly.
No. 2891
>>1825

your warm waiting for Aya birdsex is over, sir

[x]Go with the flow
--[x]Stick it in her Cloaca



your well thought out and articulate reply is cut off as Aya brushes your now fully erect dick against the soft feathers of her leg, the tickling sensation sending ten thousand tiny pinpricks of pleasure through your entire being.

slowly losing more and more of your conscious thought, you not-so gently pick Aya up while sliding her up your body, finnaly setting her down so that her crotch is comfortably straddling your waist, with your dick nestled firmly between the soft mounds of her butt cheeks.

Aya takes a quick look back at the throbbing manhood leaning against her before turning back to you with an amused expression on her face. "I'm guessing you've never had sex with a tengu before..." her eyes squinting a tiny bit as she continues to focus on you "a bird tengu"

"Aya I don't care what you are, i just.." your response is cut off by a tantalizingly feathery digit pressed to your lips "shhhhh...normally us bird tengu do the whole "touch and go" thing, but something tells me a human wouldn't be satisfied with just that"

her slightly mischievous look widens as she brings a hand in front of your face, palm up

"spit"

"Aya why would I.." your response is cut of by a slightly hardening glare, reminding you just which one of you was human and which one was a peerless wind goddess

"spit" this time her command is met by a glob of slightly watery spit covering two of her outstretched fingers.

her silly grin returns as she quickly reaches behind her to work her fingers into herself casually chatting with you while she lubes up

"you should count yourself lucky, being the first human,the first anything really, to actually put something up there"

"Aya, are you...are you a virgin?"

her expression shifts to mild embarrassment, before settling on an impish side glance

"for uhh...what were about to do...yea I am"

paying no attention to your confused look, Aya slips her now slightly sweaty shirt off before tossing it to the side. quickly shifting her weight around, her silk bra and panties soon follow and land neatly on top of the shirt.

quickly glancing down at Aya's crotch reveals...

.....

nothing

taking a second to giggle at your ignorance in the field of bird physiology, Aya reaches a hand behind her tipping your still engorged penis forward until it pushes between her taunt butt cheeks, rested it's tip on an extremely tight ring of muscles

"having any second thoughts human?" Aya's quirky grin intensifies as she leans back to a basic cowgirl position, with yourself ready to ravage her cloaca

[ ] DO IT FAGGOT
[ ] WE CAN'T STOP HERE, THIS IS BIRD COUNTRY
No. 2894
>>2891
I had to delete a post to even make sure it was I who you were responding to. It was absolutely everything I could have wanted. 10/10, would wait again.

[x] DO IT FAGGOT
No. 2897
[x] DO IT FAGGOT
No. 2900
this turned out WAY different than what that copypasta started out as...oh well

[X]DO IT FAGGOT



"funny how tengu are so much stronger than humans, yet human cocks are so much bi--ah AH!"

A cautious twitch of your hips shoves the tip of your cock past the first ring of muscles, forever robbing the world of finding out what, exactly, human cocks are.

giving the tengu a second to adjust to the new intrusion, you glance up at Aya to see her face scrunched up in a cute yet slightly pained expression.

disregarding the claws now pressing uncomfortably into your shoulder muscles, you gently slide your hand up Aya's hips, the action made somewhat odd due to the feeling of ruffling feathers backwards, and use your newfound leverage to forcefully push her downwards, arcing your penis gracefully up her ass.

slowly sliding past multiple massaging rings of muscles, you're rewarded with a tiny mewling sound and an unconscious flap of wings as you finnaly manage to hilt yourself out in the now smiling tengu.

"you really should...ah.. let a girl relax before you...AH.. shove something like that up her butt"

Aya's mischievous smirk is punctuated with moans as you continue to rock your hips back and forth, each push into her backside eliciting a deep, primal groan of ecstasy from the capricious reporter.

Now well beyond feeling any sort of pain, Aya begins to message the slightly inflammed claw mark on your shoulders are she rides out the forcefully insistent thrusts, clenching her ass at just the right moment to give maximum friction each time you slide in and out of her, the sensitive head of your now twitching cock feeling each contraction of her Cloaca

"Aya..I think i'm going to.." once again you're cut off as Aya's lips find yours, swirling her tounge around yours as she continues bouncing on your cock, every slap of her hips against yours sending a new wave of pleasure down your spine.

you can feel it happening, a rush of pure white lust rushing down your engorged length, every inch of your body is alight with electricity as a thick wad of cum slams into Aya's bowls, the tengu moaning softly and hugging herself against your chest as a particularly intense post-orgasmic twitch of your pelvis once again burys your dick in her, loosing a second stream of cum up her ass. pulling your dick out of her, you're surprised to see one last string of cum grace her bare back, the viscous fluid slowly beginning to crawl down her thighs as her deep breaths filter out into the nighttime air.

Aya's breathless pants ease back to a more normal rate as the two of you settle into the warm afterglow of sex. with yourself finnaly managing to clear the white fog permeating your brain, your turn to look at your partner, a huge grin plastered across her face

"better than human sex?" her question punctuated with a happy little wing flap

"much" your single word answer feeling more than adequate after such an intense lovemaking session

"good, because this is going in my paper in the new love advise section" giggling at what you hope was a joke, Aya gently pushes off you and floats over to her discarded clothes, her slowly flapping wings giving the impression that she isn't really using them for flight.

Her attempt to bend over and pick up her stuff, however, is met with a slightly muffled yelp of pain as she quickly straightens up and gingerly runs a hand down her backside.

Aya seems to stare off into space for a second before turning to you, a cute pout on her face "carry me to my office human, I can't walk right now and its all your fault!"

so, after a quick game of dress up, you end up carrying Aya out bridal style, her face nestled into your shirt as she whispers a quiet

"you better take responsibility for this."

--------

[ ] please stop destroying perfectly good copypasta with your writefagness

[ ] please stop destroying perfectly good copypasta with your writefaggness
No. 2902
[x] Continue adding onto a stale copypasta, changing it into glorious multi-post pasta.

I don't know. It needs a little more regurgitation, cloaca, and feathers. It's not really Aya chocolate puke anymore.
No. 2903
>>2902

I dunno, I think its better that he brought the copypasta to a nice conclusion, without repeating the same fetishy stuff over and over again.

that being said, it definitely doesen't mean he should stop writing... maybe he could expand on that momiji copypasta up there...hint hint
No. 2904
[x] Implying this wasn't a quality scene and that you arn't a good writefag

Welcome aboard. Now get back to work, nigger.
No. 2905
>>2902
haha cut me some slack anon, that was the first non-vote thing i've posted on this site

>>2903
I'm not gunna lie...I wrote this post

>>2904
please see below.


Still lookin to get in some more practice and to feel out how peoples on this site respond to stuff before taking my chances on one of the main boards, so somebody toss an idea at me and ill see what I can come up with.

You can be as descriptive or non-descriptive as you want in telling me what you want, or just name 2 characters and ill whip something up

also, specify H scene or non-H scene

nothing TOO crazy now
No. 2910
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2910
>>2905
Bad practices aside, your writing is pretty decent. A little awkward to read sometimes, but nothing a proofreader couldn't fix.

Now, if you are taking some sort of request to get better, I humbly submit to you Tokiko. Bonus points if Mystia is also involved. I don't really care about scenario, or H. The birds just need more love on this site.
No. 2939
>>2910

Yea I typed my previous posts directly into the comment box here on the website. This time I actually read it back to myself from Microsoft Word. So hopefully this one has "less" elementary school mistakes.

I would be very much appreciative if any of the 3 people who actually visit this board would give me some pointers/critique on this small Tokiko centric CYoA

--------


Another peaceful day in the forest of magic, and like most peaceful days, this on finds you comfortably sitting on a beat-up lawn chain outside kourindou, eyes lightly skimming the text of a recent addition to kourin's stock. You quickly glance to your left, the borrowed timepiece situated atop your carefully planned out schedule for the day indicating that the time is approximately 2:28. Tiny flutters skip around in your chest as you realize it's almost time for the daily events to start.

Ever since you can remember, your life has always been like this. A planned schedule, with your mood rising or falling depending on how closely you managed to stick to it. Sometimes even going so far as to...

wait..

...

rustling in the bushes off to the left cuts off your internal musing. Slowly marking your place in the book, you prepare yourself to greet your first arrival.

“Hey wiggle, time for class already?” Wiggle, dressed in her traditional baggy pants, white tee shirt and cape, is currently leading an entire troop of bugs out of the forest as she hears your somewhat reserved greeting.

“Oh hey Tokiko, sorry to disturb your reading again, but these guys...” wiggle points over her shoulder to the bugs behind her “..are pretty slow learners.” To the best of your knowledge, the bug youkai has been attempting to teach her buggy little pals to speak Japanese with, so far as you can tell, limited success.

Wiggle continues over to an empty patch of grass next to the lawn chain and begins her lesson, right as your 2:32 “appointment” drifts lazily into view on her broom, carrying a sack full of stolen items. Unlike wiggle, she doesn’t bother to stop or even say hi as she floats off towards her house. As she passes by however, you note the book she's reading; “How to Solve All your Problems With Lasers.”

Quickly floating back to your schedule, you make a note detailing that marisa has completed stealing all the books that begin with the letter G, and has moved on to the H's.

You settle back into the lawn chain, legs fluttering with excitement at the thought of a perfectly completed daily schedule, your last entry due to show up in exactly 7 minutes. A frown crosses your face as you remember who it is though. Reimu Hakurei. Still slightly bitter about the time she attacked and robbed you for no reason, you nevertheless continue to add her to the schedule because it obviously wouldn’t be complete otherwise.

Strangely enough, Reimu shows up every day at 2:40 and buys all the double-A batteries that kourin has in stock, always making sure to strong-arm the other customers out before she does so. Her face always seems to be masked with a serious demeanor and, as such, you've never actually worked up the courage to greet her. A quick glance at the clock...2:37...yup...it's gunna happen, she going to show up, buy the batteries and leave, allowing you to place a big check-mark across this schedule and file it away with the other successful schedules!

And so you wait...

and wait....

....

a nervous glance to the side reveals a bunbunmaru extra edition, the front page taken up by a huge picture of some sort of object that looks kind of like a series of medium size balls connected by a string. No time to read it now though.

You wait some more....

...........

It's 2:46

a single tear rolls down your face as you place a huge, red, X across your daily schedual before hurrying into kourindou, the tall silver haired shopkeeper situated behind the counter reading the newspaper from earlier.

“um...” he glances up from reading the paper “where's Reimu?”

“Oh haven't you heard? Somebody stole something of her's and she declared a national incident.”

that is indeed news to you, slightly cheered up by by the fact that your schedule wasn’t ruined for no good reason, you continue your questioning, “What was taken?”

The shopkeeper laughs as he continues reading the article, “apparently, somebody stole her...” he quickly looks up from the paper, seeing your bright, innocent eyes staring at him, “her um...”

silence

You can hear wiggle outside yelling at a spider who apparently answered a question wrong.

“Somebody stole one of her toys.” The shopkeeper finishes lamely.

Declaring an incident over a lost toy? That makes no sense whatsoever. Sure, if someone were to steal one of your books, it would be a pretty big deal, but declaring an incident? Something defiantly sounds fishy.


“She declared an incident over a toy?” you quickly shift your glasses back up to prevent them from falling “She's out hunting youkai, over a toy?”

Kourin's eyes shift back to the article while he unsuccessfully stifles a giggle, “It's ahh...a very special toy that vibrates and uses batteries. I've only ever had one of the things, and Reimu was the one to buy it.” at this point he breaks down into a fit of laughter that he obviously has been holding in this entire conversation.

Sighing at the fact that little to no useful information would be forthcoming from the shopkeeper, you walk out of the store, almost colliding with Wiggle who seemed to be waiting for you.

“Hey guess what?” not giving you time to guess, she continues with a huge grin on her face “I trained the bugs to sing a song, wanna hear it?” once again not giving you time to decline, she firmly leads you over to the clearing, stopping short of her group of bugs that have now been arranged into a neat little square.

“Ok guys start from the top! We're gunna sing the Gensokyo national anthem!”

“and a 1”

“and a 2”

“and a 1 - 2 - 3 - 4!”

buzzing. Buzzing everywhere. Wiggle's face is now covered in a heavy scowl “no no no NO! In Japanese! Start over from the top, but this time do it in Japanese!” the bug youkai begins her countdown again, but this time the bugs...

...

don't do anything. The clearing is completely silent.

“come on guys! Don't be shy!” wiggle is now pleading with the bugs, and not having any success whatsoever. “Ah..well...” she turns back to you, “maybe they won't be so shy if they have some time to get used to you. If you aren't busy tomorrow, maybe you could come over and..” Wiggles invitation abruptly ends as her eyes, now staring at something behind you, go as wide as diner plates. Quickly scrambling backwards, her retreat is cut off as about 20 paper amulets fly out from behind you and stick to various places on her cape and shirt. Wiggle immediately goes down with a pathetic squeal, her
muscles seemingly refusing to obey her anymore.

“Put your claws where I can see them youkai, don't make this any harder than it has to be.”

This ominous statement is accompanied by a hand on your shoulder, preventing you from turning around, and a wooden feeling object presses to the back of your neck.

“You thought I wouldn’t find the mastermind behind this new incident? You've got some nerve standing out in the open like this with what you stole from me.”

wait...wait...This is too much, nothings making any sense! mastermind? You've haven't even left this clearing anytime in the past month! The hotheaded miko obviously has to have the wrong person

“Reimu...wha...what are you doing!? I don't have anything to do with this!”

“save it for someone who cares you theif! You honestly think I wouldn’t recognize a mastermind when I see one? Now, do yourself a favor a be quiet while I search you”

the miko's iron grip never relaxes as she leads you over to the forest edge, a hand on the small of your back forcefully presses your chest towards a tree.

“now, spread your legs and lean against this tree, I promise this will be over soon, both the search, and the extermination once I find my beads”

wait...beads? Search? Suddenly it all clicks into place...The magazine article, kourin's refusal to tell you what was stolen, Reimu now standing uncomfortably close to your back...it's all coming together now. She's...she's planing on searching your...no no no she can't do that! This isn't right! Shes got the wrong person!

[ ]resist arrest
---[ ]physically
---[ ]declare a spellcard duel
[ ]yell for help
[ ]maybe she'll give up on the extermination part when she doesn’t find anything, it's worth a shot...right?...right??


please wait warmly for Mystia, she's in the next post
No. 2940
[x]Resist arrest
-[x]Spellcard duel

First and foremost, it's Wriggle, with an r.

Now, I'm not certain if you don't quite grasp this, or it was simply a series of mistakes, but you frequently don't capitalize the names of people and or places in the middle of your writing. You also sometimes forget to do this when starting a new sentence. It's not really a huge deal, but it's the first thing I noticed.

Though you don't do it quite as often as I've seen other writers, you tend to overuse ellipses. Again, not a big deal, but something you will want to keep in mind for further writing ventures.

Also, you overuse slang dialogue. Things like wanna, and gonna. Unless you are deliberately trying to make a characters speech more relaxed and easygoing, you should probably refrain from having those sorts of thing just casually thrown in.

I can't really critique for shit, so I'm going to stop here. If anybody who actually knows what the fuck they are talking about wishes to add something, they should go right ahead.

>Something defiantly sounds fishy.
Defiantly was absolutely not the right word to use here. A little better editing would have solved this.
No. 2946
>>2940

1. Yea I also just found out that I've been spelling Koishi's name wrong too.

I always typed "kioshi" into Gelbooru and raged when no pictures were ever found. Thanks for pointing that out

2. Duly noted. Capitalization has always been a sore subject, I really need to get over my fear of reading my own writing.

3. After reading some of the other discussions in other threads, I've come to realize that there seems to be a certain stigma associated with ellipsises. While I tend to think that reading flows better when pauses that are longer than natural conversation pauses are clearly identified, I also understand that this site probably won't take me seriously If I continue to overuse them to the extent that my previous posts seem to be doing.

4. Slang is only used during dialogue, and internal monologue. I tried to keep the pure story exposition parts free from slang. I won't say i'm going to refrain from using it though. Sometimes it just feels like what the character would say.

5. That was ment to be "definitely". Spellcheck decided to mess with me.


Thanks for taking the time to read/critique, I'll keep all those things in mind when I finnaly get around to starting a story.
No. 2960
Fucking terrible, just stop.
No. 3012
>>2960
Your opinion is awful, keep it for yourself.
This story is interesting, keep going.
No. 3013
>>3012

Shitty writer has shitty fans. Hey, did you check out the newest IOSYS video? I bet it'd be right up your alley, given the kind of scum you are.

Perhaps, since you seem to enjoy trash, masturbating to the Bad Apple PV, Walfas or Yukkuri would do you right.

This writer would fit right in with shitmaiden or poolsmear, though. Maybe the two of you can go over there and find more friends to circlejerk with.
No. 3014
File 130274397236.jpg - (229.10KB , 1501x490 , LOL HE MAD.jpg ) [iqdb]
3014
>>3013
No. 3015
File 130278878738.jpg - (49.05KB , 500x356 , b8bf64db-91e9-4ad1-8eef-a610a7348878[1].jpg ) [iqdb]
3015
>>3013

Uh huh, right right. Maybe you could go back into your corner and die alone now?
No. 3017
Copypasta-esque ridiculous overreaction aside, he's still right about this being terrible.
No. 3018
Well, this so called CYOA is pretty shitty, good thing it's in /blue/ for easy ignoring and sagebombing.
No. 3019
It comes from /jp/, no it's kinda useless to say it's shitty. Besides, the writer admit himself that his novel is not good at all.

I blame tripfag because he didn't read the whole thing, and he gave his opinion. Besides, there's no need to be rude. Just say it's terrible, no need to say it's fucking terrible.

Be polite.
Be efficient.
Have a plan to sagebomb everyone you read.
No. 3020
>>3019

I skimmed it. I can be as rude or as nice as I want. I choose to take a giant, steaming shit on the writer immediately above.

The posts from /jp/ are pretty much standard trash fare, but there's nobody to bitch at. I can insult and make derisive comments 'Ghostwriter', though, who isn't much better than whoever wrote what came from /jp/.

Entire thread is shit and I hope that 'Ghostwriter' doesn't try to actually contribute in another board.
No. 3021
File 130281557276.jpg - (121.61KB , 673x461 , Aybabtu_verbose.jpg ) [iqdb]
3021
>>3020
Says the guy who keeps using his trip everywhere, even when other writers don't use them.

Let me use the oldest excuse then: "Don't like it? Fuck off."
And let me use also the typical accusation of you being mad.
And let me call you a lazy fag for not reading the whole thread before giving your-so-important opinion.

That being said, have a good day, my liege.
No. 3024
>>3020
Why must you be so unpleasant? I hate reading your posts.
No. 3025
You do have the right to hate it, you also have the right to bitch to your heart's content about it.

>>3013 This however, was just pathetic faggotry. If you're gonna complain, stay on point jackass.
No. 3026
In this thread, trash bitching about trash.
No. 3086
>>3021
>>3025
You two need to get the fuck out of here. Trash has always been called trash. "Don't like, don't read," has never been a good argument, ever, and if you use it, it just goes to show how terrible you are, too.

We're not a circlejerk giving comforting hugs to anyone. If we see a pile of shit we're going to treat it as a pile of shit. And that right there is a huge, steaming pile of shit.
No. 3090
>>3086
I'd give a comforting hug to Taisa if I possibly could. Suwako knows the poor guy needs one.
No. 3094
I dunno, I liked it. Asperger's Tokiko was an amusing take on the character without being too LOL RANDUM XD; the horrible proofreading pissed me off, but I coped.

Weird how /at/ tripfag always comes out of the woodwork to publicly hate other peoples' porn.
No. 3105
>>3094
Tsuru is an attention whore. He delights in showing off his things and thrives on popularity. Poorly written porn stories offend him
No. 3159
Mediocre. Try harder or get out.
No. 3160
>>3105
Which is ironic, considering he writes a poorly written porn story.