[x] What's the thing that one stick figure is riding on?

Riding is fun!

[x] What's the thing that one stick figure is riding on?

The best part about the Patriots losing is that Joe Montana is still the greatest quarterback. Oh, and Boston fans are insufferable.

[] What's the thing that one stick figure is riding on?

My guess would be Genji.

[X] Why is the one stick figure dangling from a little ball by one arm and screaming a lot?

[X] What's the thing that one stick figure is riding on?

You have no idea how tempting it was to make a comment about riding...

[X]Why is one of the stick figures riding a stick figure lying on its back?

I couldn't resist.

[x] Why is the one stick figure dangling from a little ball by one arm and screaming a lot?

Congratulations to our one write-in voter for earning a throwaway joke when I write the update.

Also, I need to remind myself that Notepad's Word Wrap does bad things to formatting. Eeeewww.

You glance over the drawings. "So, what's that one stick figure riding... on... oh, come on." Pure exasperation moves your arm as you seize the paintbrush that had just extended from a hole in the air and started drawing an extra sketch on the paper. If you're guessing right, this will be about the point where Reimu shouts-

"Goddammit, Yuakri!"

Yeah, you're guessing right.

You swiftly yank the brush away from whatever creepy not-here it's poking out of at the moment and toss it into your new employer's waiting hand. That new drawing looks sort of like...

Like...

"Okay, that doesn't make any sense at all. I know people can fly here, but why would anyone fly on their back?"

"DENIED!" It's really quite impressive how quickly she brushed over that other image.

"Alright, so back to my original question. What's the one stick figure riding on? Looks like some kind of giant scrubot." Which it does - nothing but a dome with a couple of protrusions at the bottom rim.

Reimu's expression shifts to a wistful smile. "It's been a while... let's go out back and meet him, shall we?"

********

"So..." You wave your arm at the pond. There's no magic flying scrubot here, just some floating algae and a huge yellow-brown rock with weird patterns on it.

The miko stops at the edge of the pond and clears her throat. "Oh, Gen-jiiii..."

And then the rock speaks.

"Heh. 'S been a while, girl. Why not spend more of your free time talkin' to this ol' man?" The rock rises, water pouring from the edges, and extends a great green head from under its circumference. The scaly green face sports a long white beard; you're not sure why, but the sight of it is almost making you crack up.

"I'm sorry, Genji, I'm sorry. The last few days were kind of different, you know?"

The weathered, scaly face suddenly perks up with interest. "Oh, do tell!"

Your brain swiftly tunes out the exact words of Reimu's recap, instead zeroing in on implications and accusations. Or it would, but there really aren't any... well, there aren't any at your expense, anyways. And who cares if implications are made about Handlebars and that terrifying Yukari woman?

"...And so I thought, good old Genji hasn't been flying ever since I learned to do it myself, so why not give him a chance to do it again?"

The mountainous stone rumbles with discontent. "It's not that I don't appreciate the thought, kid, but there's a bit of a problem here."

"And that is...?"

"Your buddy Tyler," the Genji-thing rasps, "is a dude. Male. And somehow, I'm not interested in having another man's jewels resting on my back."

Well, this could be a problem. Time to suggest...

==========
[]...A way around that problem. (Write-in suggestion)
[]...Trying that other sketch, the one with the stick figure and the ball.
==========
Short update, yeah, but some choices just need to be there.

[x] There is a mythical substance known as "Turtle Wax". Maybe he'd be interested in some?

[x] "How about a piece of thick cloth or a saddle, should it be a reasonable option? Or maybe standing up? I'm confident on my balance"

Well, that or using hormonal inhibitors card but it's not like he isn't a man anyway, hmmmm... that gives me an idea:
[x] "What do you mean by "man jewels"?"

[X] "What do you mean by "man jewels"? And what clearence are they?"

[X] "Jewels? I don't have any jewels. Rubies are too expensive for the Fun Allocation Fund Friend Computer has Allocated to me."

[X] >>153394 >>153397 This.
I want to see Reimu try to explain to Genji why Tyler is... Well, as he is.
And if the subject happens to be something slightly embarrassing like "man jewels", then so much the better.

That said, only a very small amount of citizens in sector GSK have the necessary clearance for such "jewels". Are you one of them? If you have to think about this, then you are not.
Please report to the nearest Friend Computer Console to find out what your Happy Correctional Activity will be for trying to go beyond your clearance.
If there are no Friend Computer Consoles near your current position please report to the nearest Termination Booth instead, as failure to report for Happy Correctional Activities is Treason.
Have a Nice Day, Citizen.

[X] "Jewels? I don't have any jewels. Rubies are too expensive for the Fun Allocation Fund Friend Computer has Allocated to me."
[X] "How about a piece of thick cloth or a saddle, should it be a reasonable option? Or maybe standing up? I'm confident on my balance"

The first for (hopefully) another throwaway joke scene, and the second because the first doesn't really address the "convince Genji to let us ride him" thing.

[X] "Jewels? I don't have any jewels. Rubies are too expensive for the Fun Allocation Fund Friend Computer has Allocated to me."
[X] "How about a piece of thick cloth or a saddle, should it be a reasonable option?

Good news, everyone! I'm on shore again, so I don't have to deal with Navy machines anymore. The advantages of which will be mostly negated by me playing MMOs, but you're all used to that. You'll be fine.

Also, I strongly encourage you all to keep setting up easy jokes for me like this. It makes my job easier, and reduces my urge to increment your clone number.

"Jewels?" You geth the feeling that you're missing something here."I don't own any rubies or carnelians or whatever. Gems are way too expensive for a RED citizen's Fun Allocation Fund."

The Genji-thing lets out a rasping guffaw, one that sounds eerily similar to the final rattlings of that one ULTRAVIOLET who got old enough to die of it. "How the hell am I supposed to believe you don't know when I'm talking about the twig and berries?"

" 'Scuse me?"

"You know, the fun factory smokestack."

You shrug. "I'm not getting anything from these phrases of yours."

"The laser and two bullets?"

"...Nope, not meaning much to me."

"The sausage and eggs?"

Some strange impulse drives you to smack the bottom of your fist into your other hand's open palm. "Oh, the bolt and bearings! But you don't have to worry about that, anyawys. I'm not exactly planning on taking off my jumpsuit at random."

"Still too close." Damn, but the Genji-thing is obstinate.

"What if I set a blanket on top, or something?"

The living stone grumbles. "That still doesn't solve the underlying problem. I'm not interested in having some guy sitting down on me."

"Well, what do you want me to do, then, stand up?"

"Huh!" The Genji perks up. "That would actually solve a lot. Think you can stay balanced?"

"I used to ride a boardhack to work," you reply with no small amount of pride. "Of course I can keep my balance." That boardhack was good, too; 70CC magnetic-driver engine and ceramite-surface wheels. It cost you two years of Out Of Sector Transit Stipend, and it was worth every credit. There's really nothing like a sidewalk-legal set of wheels, especially when your sector is full of impressionable dolts who think boardhacks make you look cool instead of looking like a Junior Citizen with a bloated ego.

"Well, then, you've got yourself a deal, kiddo."

Unfortunately, your chance to bask in your accidental victory is interrupted by a soft giggling sound. You crane your head around to catch the sight of a little strip of nothing in the air, letting out lazy laughter, and a Reimu with her face in one palm.

It's her again. Dammit.

==========
[]Reach through the rent in space and pull someone out.
-[]"Hello, Yukari."
-[]"What are you doing in there, Handlebars?"
[]"Hey, Reimu..."
-[]"Why the palmed face?"
-[]"You know there's a gap full of slackers right there, right?"
[]No comment.
==========
My ship is about to go get demagnetized, an endeavor which leads to me being stuck on board with no internet whatsoever. (Probably.) Here, have an update to tide you over.

[X]Reach through the rent in space and pull some things out.
-[X]"Yukari."
--[X]"What are you doing in there with her, Handlebars?"

We shall pull them both out WITH ONE HAND!

[x]"Hey, Reimu..."
-[x]"Why the palmed face?"

[X] "Hey, Reimu..."
-[X] "Why the palmed face?"

This pun is so bad, I can't resist.

[x]"Hey, Reimu..."
-[x]"Why the palmed face?"

[X]Reach through the rent in space and pull some things out.
-[X]"Yukari."
--[X]"What are you doing in there with her, Handlebars?"

[x]Reach through the rent in space and pull some things out.
-[x]"Yukari."
--[x]"What are you doing in there with her, Handlebars?"

[X]Reach through the rent in space and pull some things out.
-[X]"Yukari."
--[X]"What are you doing in there with her, Handlebars?

Great, riding a turtle master Roshi style.

Wait warmly, cowards! Wait warmly!

Man, I miss Sinistar.

So I'm now out on (hopefully) my last trip out to sea. I'll be at work on the next update when I can, since this underway actually has internet available.

And I'm sorry I let myself keep getting distracted by all the stuff I was trying to do while I was on shore.

>>154455
Hooray!

>sorry
Don't be.

You stare at the gap.

The gap stares back at you.

You stare at the gap.

The outlines of eyes stare back, but they’re just there, not truly anything. An experimental wave of the arm proves it; the crimson caricatures don’t move an inch to track the obvious motion.

There is, however someone in there. Laughing at your situation.

You are not in the mood to put up with this.

You reach an arm into the abyss, your hand briefly brushing across a familiar soft round thing -

"How bold of you, dear."

"Pardon me for a second, Yukari."

- And, guided by the continued sound of giggling, seize hold of a handlebar.

"HEY!" The voice is just as childish as ever, and more than a little petulant. With barely a tug, you lift the tiny oni off of whatever she was standing on and yank her out of the gap into the real world. For a Gensokyo value of "real", anyways.

"What, exactly, were you doing in there?"

"I was going to offer you some help with this incident," the pouting oni mutters, "but you had to be a jerk about it. Jerk." Her body twists sideways in the air; you're pretty sure that if she were standing on solid ground, she would be looking away and sulking.

Also your arm would be out of its socket. Suika may be light, but your ribs still ache a little from that wink-wink-nudge-nudge two days ago.

Hoo boy. It's time to let go of her.

As soon as your hand is empty, Yukari slithers out of that horrifying nothingness full of eyes and seizes it with a triumphant smirk. "Why, thank you for your assistance, young man! It's so good to see the youth of today shouldering responsibility for their own problems, you know-"

-there are knives in those words you can see them you can hear them oh no-

"-And since you're such a good sport, I'll even provide you with a few useful little trinkets to help you on your way!"

Wait. What?

“Now open your hands up, that’s a good boy, and have some of these little-“

You tune out the remainder of her sentence, staring in confusion at the little red squares. What… what are these things? And why is she handing them to you?

Was she actually being sincere?

…Nah. Everyone in the Complex knows people are never sincere with thank-yous.

You experimentally pop one into your mouth. Tastes like Artifical Cherry Cough Medicine Flavor. That, and…

oh sweet CompNode it’s hydropsionic acid you know this stuff the pharmacy guys made your whole team take it once you were puking everywhere and hugh-r-ded set himself on fire with mutant powers he didn’t even know he had oh no oh no oh no

“Do you like it, dear? Those power chips are just bursting with magic. Go on, try another!”

oh no oh no oh no

==========
[]zero
[]two
[]five?
[]five.
==========
Wow, that took… way too long to produce, especially given that most of it was done almost a month ago.

[x]five?

Though why a seventeen-year-old would need a hand or be talking about the "youth of today" is a bit beyond me.

All that time and I fail at putting my name on my posts. Words cannot express the angryweeabooeyes I am focusing into the nearest reflective surface.

[]five?

Hooray for updates!
Anyway, this is a really funny way to see the "power" items, I like it.

[x]five.

[x]five.

Are you sure we are dealing with certified Troubleshooter? It´s been a while so I might be wrong but wasn´t the Equipment-Guy around here somewhere?
To test potentially dangerous stuff which might set us on fire with mutant powers we maybe don´t have?

Dun-dun-dun! Finally!

[x]two

Let's be safe.

>It´s been a while so I might be wrong but wasn´t the Equipment-Guy around here somewhere?
To test potentially dangerous stuff which might set us on fire with mutant powers we maybe don´t have?

Good luck getting past Orin to do it. Also, those numbers don't mean what you think they mean. Unless you're inhumanly good at guessing what I'm up to. Super-secret hint: "five?" and "five." would have been "six?" and "six." if I had counted what I was counting consistently.

I love vague choices! Please, use them more often.

>>155581
Here, changing my vote, because if you refer to the "six-pack" then I'd play it safe.

[x] Two

Nope, it's not about the six-pack either. I'm not going to kill you multiple times over one decision; that's a dick move.

>>155598

Then you're not doing Paranoia properly.

[x]Zero

Itchin' to type. I will call votes in twenty-four, count 'em, twenty-four hours. In case of ties at the call time, I will choose whichever of the tied options I like more.

[x] five?

Magic candy nomnomnom.

I can't get this mental image of Reimu standing over a pile of dead fairies shoving squares into her mouth out of my head.

[]zero

[x]five?
>>155620
powerup items are... people?

And the winning vote is [x]five? (Not to be confused with the [x]five. vote, which by the way would have been really cool.)

>>155627
Make vague choices, be disappointed when one doesn't win, don't describe what would have happened anyway.

>>155627
oh u

Please don't make choices where nobody has any idea what they're voting on, or worse, think they are voting for something they are not.

Except, of course, in cases where the character also does not know or is mistaken. As far as I could tell, this wasn't such a case.

I don't mean to sound rude, but I really don't see the point of votes if nobody knows what the votes mean.