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No. 150703
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[iqdb]
Time for a recap! Since last time we had Kotohime do it, it's time for someone who probably isn't obsessed-
“I'M NOT OBSESSED! HE'S A VERY NICE MAN!”
Get out of here you're not even recapping what are you doing.
Anyways, we'll go for a conflicting viewpoint, that of Wriggle Nightbug, ace investigator!
“You haven't even put me in any recent updates! I'm a minor character at best!”
Well, um...
“But I'm supposed to be the one that takes that asshole down!”
This kind of was the plan but...
“But what? Don't give me that crap! You're just going to let that asshole get away with all of this then! No consequences or anything!”
No, of course no-
“Shut up! Just give me the story!”
You know you won't actually remember any of this when the story continues, right?
“Fuck you. I know this will incriminate him.”
Alrighty then. You have fun with that.
“So here we are at the beginning of the second thread, and I'm trying to get Patchouli to help me. But of course she doesn't believe anything I say.”
Oh woe is you, the long-suffering avatar of justice.
“Hey! Don't give me any lip. I'm the one running this recap, and I won't take any crap from you. Anyways, it still was pretty funny when Patchouli fell out of the beanbag chair onto her face. She's almost lazier than Kaguya. Hey... we haven't actually seen Kaguya, have we? Even though the story went to Eientei?”
Stop speculating! You know that just ends badly for anyone involved.
“She's immortal. What could you even do to her?”
Oh god you don't want to ask that question just get on with the recapping.
“And then we get back to the flashback part where he's hiding Sakuya's body. And of course I was there so it's not really a flashback if I'm recapping it.”
You are never going to come back for a recap. I hate you so much already.
“Quit your bitching. Whiny loser. Blah blah blah lake, blah blah blah mausoleum, massive amounts of bones and bodies and dead things, possibly a sentient evil entity blah blah blah. Why didn't it just eat him?”
The same reason he's still alive now: a combination of general incompetence, flagrant lies that he pulls off with enough confidence for people to believe them, and general dumb luck.
“And the hat.”
And the hat.
“Well at that point after dealing with the wholly ineffectual Patchouli, I figured I'd need some kind of ally. The Investigator's got Aya, so I figured I'd get Hatate on my side. How did that happen, anyway? You never really expounded on that.”
By virtue of you meeting the one person in Gensokyo that could deal with a personality as abrasive as yours.
“Hey!”
It's true.
“Shut up. Anyways, next update, Kotohime riling up Mokou while Meiling tries to save a badly-burnt Remilia. Kind of wish I was there. Could be entertaining to watch the Investigator's fangirl get her ass handed to her.”
That doesn't quite happen.
“And... Kotohime handles Mokou like Mokou was a rank amateur. I am in awe. I am never going to get in a fight with her.”
Wait for it...
“And then her hatred of Aya takes over, she goes off mumbling to herself, and gets nailed in the head by Mokou. Dumb bitch.”
Yup.
“And Mokou is kind of a bitch to Yamame. Bet she regrets it now that Yamame's dead.”
And here it comes.
“Tewi finds the body. I FUCKING KNEW IT WAS HIM.”
That was the thread before yours. Stop being so smug.
“Fine. Tewi finds Eirin and Kotohime... and Kotohime handles it in entirely the wrong way. Way to be insensitive, jerk.”
Kotohime's actually a nice person when Aya or the Investigator isn't involved.
“But he is involved!”
Not like she knows it.
“I'll tell her.”
You know she won't believe you.
“You're a dick, you know that?”
Yeah, yeah, quit your bitching and get on with the recapping.
“Aya helps, glossing over, don't care...”
Single minded, eh?
“Shut up. That asshole investigator rolls up to Eirin all how-do-you-do with that arrogant swagger, and shows his 'expertise' in doing the case. Eirin's not gonna be happy in the slightest when she finds out that he killed her drug buddy.”
Drug buddy? Is that what you're calling it?
“What, you got a problem with that? I calls them as I sees them.”
Nope.
“And then three months pass, and someone finally notices Sakuya's gone.”
Yeah, you'd have thought the Scarlets would have said something about it sooner or noticed it sooner.
“Well, the mansion burned down and all that.”
Eh. Just something to think on.
“Interesting. I'll have to follow up on that lead.”
Well?
“Well what? He's still a murderer.”
But he didn't kill Akyu.
“Which... is unexpected. I kind of did not see that coming.”
Yeaaaaaaaaah. You're both right and wrong: he is a murderer, but he didn't kill Akyu.
“Well.”
Do you have any suspects, Ace Detective Wriggle?
“Umm... Kotohime? She's crazy enough but... eh, no motive. Keine? Then that brings up the question of who whacked her. I don't think it was her, but it could have been. If it was, that trail's gonna come up real cold.”
Doesn't make sense, does it?
“Well, you've got to look at it this way- Akyu's whacked. There goes the keeper of records. And then Keine gets whacked. There goes the one who can see all of history. Yamame's the outlier here, her death was kind of a killing of opportunity. Who'd have profited from the stop of the recording of history?”
Lunarians?
“What, like Kaguya and Reisen? It's kind of odd how we haven't seen Reisen since the Investigator got his hair dyed, and we haven't seen Kaguya at all. I wouldn't point the finger at Eirin, because of how she reacted to the death of Yamame. The Scarlets? If I didn't know what Sakuya had been up to this whole time, I'd say her. But the Scarlets might have done it.”
What about Yukari?
“She wouldn't have done it herself, she'd have used a cat's paw.”
Heh. Cat's paw.
“What, you know something I don't?”
Yeah.
“So what, is it Chen? Some goddamn cat joke?”
Wouldn't it be more likely to be Ran?
“Also a possibility.”
Let's keep recapping. We'll come back to this.
“Okay. I need a bit to think anyway. Well, there's Keine's brutal murder scene. I'm sure there's clues to be had there.”
Probably. Worth a look. The Investigator's not in Gensokyo anymore, though.
“Yeaaaaaah... wait, really? How'd that dick get away from me?”
Reimu did something right for once.
“Miracles do happen. Maybe Kotohime should check it out. I mean, she's not totally incompetent...”
Why not you?
“Why would I look? You said I'd forget all this.”
Because it you might think it had been the Investigator that killed her, even though it wasn't.
“So... did I check?”
Dunno. We might have to flashback on that one. You think you'd work with Kotohime on that one?
“...Maybe. Not that dick investigator though.”
Fair enough.
“And then Suika.”
She a suspect?
“Nah, probably not. She doesn't seem bright enough to have pulled this off.”
Yeah, she doesn't seem like the sharpest knife in the drawer.
“Not very nice, but can be true.”
So, gonna recap this?
“What's to recap? The investigator gets his ass handed to him by a small oni girl, and it's hilarious. Though in retrospect I don't suppose it makes sense that he'd be taking advantage of Suika- he couldn't have even if he wanted to.”
And...
“And then Sakuya rolls in and focuses the Investigator on what he needs to do. She... kind of kept that anger bottled up pretty deeply. Wonder why.”
Oh man you really don't want to know.
“Man. Um. I don't know what to say. Let me just quote her here.”
'Charisma' isn't the word for it. She says something... and you just get this feeling, deep in your chest, that you have to do it. Even when your own mind is screaming at you not to do it. Do you know what it feels like, to be a prisoner in your own body?'
“Ouch. That is some shit. Nobody even knew about this?”
I don't think anyone quite suspected that's what she meant by 'charisma.'
“That's fucked up.”
No, keep going.
“Okay, this is fucked up.”
'We'd... capture and breed people. They are vampires, remember. And they didn't feed on natives of Gensokyo. The Scarlet Devil Mansion has... extensive sub-basements. Where we bred humans like cattle, for slaughter. We wouldn't have had to, either, if it had just been Remilia. She had enough control to not kill people herself. But Flandre... she couldn't. Every time she'd feed, she'd kill someone. We'd have to bake people into her food. People! I still remember the smell of cooking people.
'Do you even know where those people came from? Do you?'
'They only stopped grabbing people after Remilia used her 'charisma' on me.'
“Oh. Oh dear God. I think I'm going to be sick.”
It's... not pretty.
“I'm... I'm almost glad I won't remember this.”
Yeah, I kind of envy you that.
“Ugh. Let's go on. Anyways, he finally determines to get out of Gensokyo with Sakuya... and then goes to see Yukari.”
Now let's consider them as suspects again.
“Okay. Why would Yukari antagonize him into investigating again if she's done it? Wouldn't she want him to be all 'oh that's cool I give up on the case now' if she killed or had Akyu and Keine killed?”
Probably. Bitch has got layers and layers and layers. She could be doing an elaborate double blind.
“Now that shit's just too complicated. Not buying it.”
Eh. Just throwing it out there.
“Yukari's not dumb. Putting him on the case again when she'd done it is just dumb.”
Fair enough. But what if it was another member of the Yakumo household?
“And she doesn't know it? Hmmmmm. Bears thinking on.”
And there's a whole host of other possibilities, like that she might be setting him up. She's a fairly good manipulator.
“Man. My head hurts just thinking about it.”
Yeah. Let's go on.
“So... he was planning to kidnap Chen?”
Yeah.
“But he didn't.”
Nope, left before he had a chance.
“Damn. Even though he wasn't going to kidnap Chen as part of the investigation, but just to get back at Yukari, something important might have shaken loose. Damn, damn damn damn.”
You sound like you really want to get to the bottom of this.
“Damn right I do! Someone's got to stand up for justice here!”
So...
“Right, recap. Man this is dragging on.”
Don't remind me.
“Right. So, we're gonna gloss over this whole 'returning to Detroit with Reimu's help' thing, because yeah, it happened, not much in the way of clues.”
Damned if Kotohime took it badly though.
“Yeah, can't imagine she would.”
I kind of agree on the glossing over of this part, nothing too plot important except him accidentally leaving his hat behind.
“Yeah, what happened to that hat?”
We'll see.
“Oh, and Sakuya tried to get into his pants?”
It's not something he hasn't seen before. Crazy dames come to him, he helps them solve problems, and they try to repay him in the only way they know.
“So, what, he's trying to be nice to Sakuya?”
I don't know. I kind of doubt it.
“What, is he gay?”
Um. I- what- uh?
“I said it. Is he gay?”
MOVING ON. MOVING RIGHT THE FUCK ON.
“So they're in this Detroit, on a cold November day, and he shoots her. Fade to black. The end. Well, that was unsatisfying.”
You know, a scene like that was originally how I had planned to end this story. I've gotten a bit attached to Sakuya, I guess.
“I see that. Because Flandre saved her. Where the hell did she come from, anyway? And why does she look all grown up?”
The first one I can't answer, but the second one is obvious- vampires work differently outside of Gensokyo.
“So, what, more Anne Rice like?”
How do you even know who she is?
“Rinnosuke gets all kinds of things.”
Right. No, not quite like Anne Rice, but kind of a middle ground- inhumanly powerful, but not loli or with the powers of danmaku or kyuu~ ing like she's used to.
“Ah, I see. So she's kind of shaped to the reality to fit in better.”
Yeah, I guess that's a good way of putting it.
“Interesting. And I see that Ichirin is in Detroit.”
Yup.
“Curiouser and curiouser. I can see why Sakuya would go with Flandre after the Investigator tried to kill her. Is Avery his real name?”
Considering how truthful he's been up to this point, probably not.
“Ah well.”
Also, yeah, Sakuya's been riding an emotional rollercoaster. I almost feel bad for her.
“Does that mean you're going to be nicer to her?”
Hell no. What kind of hack writer do you think I am?
“But that scene with Flandre was kind of heartwarming...”
Shut up. I'll have none of this from you.
“Hahahaha. I finally got to you.”
Right. Maybe I'll even make you less than a bit character for this.
“You damn well better. Now I want to know who did Akyu and Keine. And that asshole's gonna pay for what he did to Yamame.”
Okay then. Welcome back to Compensation: Adequate, after entirely too long of a hiatus!
Scenes possible:
[ ] Flashback with Kotohime and Wriggle investigating the Keine murder scene
– [ ] Be Kotohime
– [ ] Be Wriggle
[ ] Sakuya and Flandre in jail
– [ ] Be Sakuya
– [ ] Be Flandre
[ ] Aya and Kotohime left all alone in Gensokyo
– [ ] Be Aya
– [ ] Be Kotohime
[ ] Where's that fucking Investigator asshole?
– [ ] Be Wriggle
[ ] It's not every day you get a hole blown in your hand...
– [ ] Be Ichirin
– [ ] Be the Investigator
[ ] Where the hell's the hat?
– [ ] Be the hat. You can't be the hat!
– [ ] Be Reimu?
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