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File 133918773195.jpg - (55.89KB , 600x419 , 028105.jpg ) [iqdb]
44850 No. 44850
You think this is a story about you.

No. This is a story about aliens.

You think the main character is also you.

No. This is a story about me.

Who am I? I am Colonel Sergei Gorokhova.

Maybe you do not believe in aliens. This is okay. Sergei is here to protect you from these aliens.

You see, this is Sergei's job. Normally Sergei would not be allowed to tell you such things. But you know that you will read this. You will laugh. You will believe that Sergei is merely telling a fun story.

It is okay.

This is why Sergei is allowed to tell you this story.

This is why Sergei is allowed to tell you he works for a governmental agency known as X-Com.

“But Sergei,” you ask, “What about Men in Black?”

Pfah. Men in Black. Chechnyans could do better. Chechnyans at least think to wear armor. Sure, suit is very fancy. Sure, sunglasses are very trendy.

But they do not protect against alien plasma.

These things they do not do.

Sergei knows how to protect against alien plasma. Rookies protect against alien plasma.

“But Sergei,” the General says, “why not lead from the front?”

Sergei is not stupid. I understand where you need to be, should the rookies run.

Speaking of rookies. Sergei has a comical story to share. One thing rookies love to do, they love to throw grenades. This is acceptable. Many rookies cannot shoot to save their lives. So they throw grenades.

So, ha. Ha, oh, here is the best part. So one rookie, Sergei decided to help. Normally rookies pull the pin on one grenade, throw the grenade. Then they do another grenade. I decided to help this rookie. I tied all his pins together. He pull one pin, he pull all his pins! Oh. Ho ho ho. Is good story. Sergei has never seen grenades thrown so quickly. Oh, I laughed so hard. I nearly dropped my rocket launcher.

So. Right. I have become distracted. X-Com is American institution, when they find out that aliens are better imperialists than them. I only wish I could have been there when they realized this. But no. Sergei was corporal in Russian Army. Another story for another time. Short version, is that Sergei's problem-solving skills are not appreciated there. In X-Com? They are.

For example: Some people kill aliens by shooting guns at them, and making holes in the aliens. This is okay. Sergei has a different approach. Sergei shoots at aliens, and makes the alien a hole. This is a better approach.

But I have become distracted again. Sergei was going to tell you a story about aliens. Sergei was going to tell you about a mission he had been on. You see, the aliens, they try to invade Earth. In fact, by this time, the aliens had subverted whole of India. Is shitty country, I know. Is still unacceptable.

So. Americans have base on North Pole. It has detected alien invasion UFO. Probably is just a mission to abduct and terrorize humans. Only one UFO. The interceptors are dispatched, and Sergei and his team are standing by in the Skyforger.

I suppose Sergei should introduce you to his team before we go on.



[ ] Number of Members: (2-6, including Sergei)
--[ ] Who?



This is based loosely on some early-game X-Com recently played. One of the characters, not one of the founding members, was Sergei Gorokhova. He's already a Colonel. And has a psi strength of 81, not to mention being a large Russian who always seems to end up with the rocket launcher.
Expand all images
>> No. 44851
Umm, is the team supposed to be composed of Touhous?
>> No. 44852
>>44851
It is indeed. Otherwise why would I post here?
>> No. 44853
>>44852
Fine then.

1. Miko
2. Byakuren
3. Tenshi
4. Toyohime
5. Yorihime
6. Sergei

There, my favorite Touhous (except Sergei of course).
>> No. 44855
File 133918934219.jpg - (1.54MB , 2480x3507 , NO EYE'M THE HEAVIEST.jpg ) [iqdb]
44855
Hmm, lessee.

[X] Number of Members: Six.

1. American. Big, Blonde, think he American movie guy John Rambo. Put all sort of dumb shit on rifle to look different from comrade, still no hit largest side of barn. When alium make him look like eldest retard of caveman family, this produce nuclear rage. He beat alium with fists while scream like green hulk-man. Is very amuse!

2. Fairy of Ice from ancient land of wicked small imperialists. Tiny, but fierce. Is volunteer soldier. I ask her why, she say "to show all people I am strongest." She get bored often, play with alien gizmos, shoot hole in roof, scientists get red face and choke on wrath. Is very amuse.

3. White-hair woman of bad attitude and stupid pants. I call her "Mookie." This because rhyme with "fuckface rookie" but she not know this. Also from fairy-land from place of midget imperialist. She join for "hating all fucker from space" or something. Is bad of aim and weak of arm, but does not die when killed. Is very saving of recruiting cost of fuckface rookie. Sergei often say "MOOKIE TO FRONT." She think this mark of confidence. Is extremely amuse.

4-6: out of ideas atm. Your turn.
>> No. 44856
>>44853
Woops. Forget about the order. From most desired to least.
[x] 6 members
1. Kasen
2. Toyohime
3. Tenshi
4. Byakuren
5. Miko
6. Yorihime
Yeah, I'm adding Kasen to the list.
>> No. 44857
Favorites? Okay

[x]Patchouli
[x]Youmu
[x]Cirno
[x]Mokou
[x]Mima

Plus Sergei makes 6.
>> No. 44859
1. Kasen
2. Toyohime
3. Tenshi
4. Byakuren
5. Miko
6. Yorihime

Hooray for the moon-honey.
>> No. 44860
Six is too big.

[x]Four
-[x]1. Fairy of Ice from ancient land of wicked small imperialists. Tiny, but fierce. Is volunteer soldier. I ask her why, she say "to show all people I am strongest." She get bored often, play with alien gizmos, shoot hole in roof, scientists get red face and choke on wrath. Is very amuse.

2. White-hair woman of bad attitude and stupid pants. I call her "Mookie." This because rhyme with "fuckface rookie" but she not know this. Also from fairy-land from place of midget imperialist. She join for "hating all fucker from space" or something. Is bad of aim and weak of arm, but does not die when killed. Is very saving of recruiting cost of fuckface rookie. Sergei often say "MOOKIE TO FRONT." She think this mark of confidence. Is extremely amuse.

3-SURPRISE CHARACTER: Byakuren

4-Sergei
>> No. 44862
File 133919729267.jpg - (255.96KB , 1920x1080 , wallls_com-24086.jpg ) [iqdb]
44862
Every squadron must have lieutenant. Someone who can be blamed. Normally lieutenant takes blame with good grace.

Not tiny lieutenant. She does not appreciate being blamed. She is quick to anger, like best rookie. But unlike best rookie, our tiny lieutenant Cirno can actually shoot straight. Apparently X-Com decide that they train her in psionic warfare. Psionic warfare is hard for Sergei. Well. Someone has to do it.

Next in rank we have squadron sergeant. Sergeant Youmu not say much. Believes in school of “say less, act more.” I like this sergeant.

However she prefers odd weapon. She prefers weapon to hit aliens with. She is very brave or very stupid. Cannot decide which. Have decided that she can take the stun rod, if she likes to run at the aliens. Is much safer to blow up aliens, I think.

Then we have squaddies. Is better to think of them as a pair. Normally I would not believe people who say they come from moon. Now I know better. X-Com has access to classified cosmonaut reports. Would you believe that the reason Mother Russia does not have moon base is because of Toyohime and Yorihime? Is true they were founding members of X-Com, or at least, they come to X-Com from sovereign nation of the Moon. Heh. Sovereign nation of Moon. They shoot well enough. They keep getting demoted, but Sergei does not know why. Occasionally I catch one of them trying to get into my vodka.

That is unacceptable.

Finally, there is favorite member of squad. White-hair woman of bad attitude and stupid pants. I call her “Mookie.” It rhymes with “Fuckface Rookie”. She does not know this. When I say, “Mookie to front,” she thinks it is token of high esteem.

It is not.

She is best rookie: when killed, she does not die. Is best for bottom line. Sergei doesn't have to recruit more rookies. She is bad of aim and weak of arm, but does not matter. Is best rookie. She catch bullet like American Calvin Johnson.

Anyways. We are in Skyforger. We even bring two tanks.

Tanks is probably not very good word for these. They are pitiful tanks of carbon fiber and plastics. I do not think they even mass several tons. How, I ask you, can you have tanks without tons of steel? But they still call them tanks. These tanks cannot even drive over fence. At least they have laser guns.

It is shame, that lasers do not explode. Maybe next time I requisition rocket tanks.

I think this would be a good idea.

Speaking of rocket: I have rocket launcher with many large rocket. Some people take small rocket. They say is lighter. They say is less chance of collateral damage, and less chance of civilian casualties. I say that if civilians didn't want to die, they should not be standing next to alien.

Tiny lieutenant tries to carry around an autocannon. She looks too small to carry this excellent weapon. Sergei has decided that he will see how she does. I have backup Heavy Cannon for her. Is lighter. A little.

Sergeant Youmu has stun rod. Why she does not carry a gun I do not understand. At least she carry many blocks of HE and many grenades of various types. She even noticed when I tied the grenade pins together. She is intelligent and pays attention. Maybe she will not die.

Maybe.

Squaddies carry rifle of long range and small bullet. Is shame. Sergei can snipe with rocket launcher. When I tell them this, they say that “they could put a bullet through a man's eyes at 400 meters.” I say that aliens have armor on their eyeballs. They do not believe me.

And Mookie. She has personal flamethrower. Is great for room clearance.

Now we are on Skyforger, going to where interceptor aircraft have shot down UFO. Sergei isn't quite sure where. I do not pay attention in briefings. They fly me there, I shoot. What else is there to say?

-

Sergei's passed out across three of the seats of the Skyforger, rocket launcher cradled in his arms. Lieutenant Cirno is spinning her autocannon's barrels and checking and re-checking to see that it works well. Yorihime is also passed out, but Toyohime has taken it upon herself to provoke Mookie.

Oh, and I'm Sergeant Youmu Konpaku. Sergei and Cirno can take care of themselves. I've got to look out for the newbies.

“So I heard that you couldn't even hit the target twice with twenty rounds from a pistol.” Toyohime is trying to prod Mookie's sore spots. She's not the best of shots. After this, we're definitely going to have to hit the range. Maybe I can get her to work on her technique.

Mookie just glares at her.

“Or the rifle. Seriously, how did you get into X-Com?”

More glaring.

“Because normally you have to be good at what you do.”

She finally responds. “You know as well as I do that they'll take anyone!”

“And they did! They got you, didn't they?”

Mookie just crosses her arms. If looks could kill, well, Mookie would still probably miss, hit the side of the Skyforger, and take out half the squad. There's a reason that she's not allowed explosives.

“Give it a rest, Toyohime. She's just as important a member of the squad at you.”

Toyohime waves her hand dismissively. “Eh.”

Maybe I should get her engaged with me to get off Mookie's back. Could do it with getting angry at that last comment... but, eh. “How did you get assigned to the same squad as your sister?”

“Couldn't tell you. You'd have to ask Sergei. He's the one that asked for all of us in his squad.”

Of course he did. He's been doing that for as long as you've known him, taking newbies under his... um, wing. He's definitely a teacher from the School of Hard Knocks.

At that moment, the pilot's voice comes over the intercom- made slightly incomprehensible by the chewing of tobacco. She's done that forever.

“We're almost there, and I'm going to switch to vertical flight. Five minutes to landing. Do me a favor, wake up Sergei, and since I'm sure he's forgotten, tell him we're in...”



Where?

[ ] Greenland.
[ ] Australia.
[ ] Japan.
[ ] Mexico.
[ ] Switzerland.

Different locations will lead to different races. This is only a one UFO supply mission, so, shouldn't be anything too taxing. But you won't know what kind of aliens until you land- after all, this IS X-Com.
>> No. 44863
[X] Australia.

Please let it not be Crysalids...
>> No. 44864
[x] Switzerland

Because Swiss.
>> No. 44865
>>44863
Chrysalids. Is possibly worst thing to fight. You remember when I say that aliens have armor on eyeballs?

This is Chrysalids. Armor on eyeballs.

And chestbursters, like your movie on Alien. Is like this! Except they burst from chest fully formed. And then they put egg in you again.

Is cycle of zombie horde turn into chestburster alien! Is also why we should orbital bombard.

But no. I never get to orbital bombard anything.
>> No. 44867
[x] Switzerland.

Now the question is who's operating the tanks. My money's on Nitori and Rika.
>> No. 44868
[x] Australia.
>> No. 44869
[x] Australia.

Switzerland wouldn't work. They would still be neutral in the face of an alien invasion.
>> No. 44871
[X] Australia.
>> No. 44873
Please let Sydney get destroyed.
>> No. 44875
[x] Greenland.
>> No. 44876
[x] Australia

Because Australia hates all sentient life equally.
>> No. 44880
>>44873

and causing a massive crater?
count me in

>> No. 44885
[x] Australia
>this story
>Mookie
>"I never get to orbital bombard anything"

Is... Is this what love feels like?
>> No. 44907
File 133929592652.jpg - (322.24KB , 1100x1350 , maid chrys.jpg ) [iqdb]
44907
http://www.ufopaedia.org/index.php?title=Lobsterman

>Once past its virtually indestructible shell the creature is an amazing construction. Powerful muscles ripple around a titanium skeleton, a sophisticated targeting system with multi-band scanning ability is hooked directly into the creature's brain. Its multiple eyes are protected by harder than steel plastics and it is clear that when well deployed by their masters these creatures are all but unstoppable.

>eyes are protected by harder than steel plastics

JESUS FUCK

IT'S TRUE
>> No. 44915
File 133930450598.jpg - (227.36KB , 600x600 , 872eb291a0d574ee08826dad7a9f2a7e.jpg ) [iqdb]
44915
[x] Australia

Is Australia. Aliens think they can build base in middle of desert where nobody goes. It is okay.

They can continue to think that. Sergei will be back when base is found.

Australia is nice place. Did you know that in middle of desert, you can watch galaxy rise at night? Sergei has an interest in astronomy. It can even make shadows.

But again I become distracted.

Right. Tiny lieutenant has rest of squad woken up. Mookie is right next to door, as always. I think she think that I think she is brave.

I think she can be first out.

Toyohime looks nervous. I think she will be first to break. She sometimes take out nerves by getting on other people's nerves. Maybe this is why Mookie looks angry. Yorihime looks bored. I do not expect this to last long. Alien plasma is never boring.

Sergeant Youmu is tapping rod against her hand. Sometimes I wish I could do psionics. Then I would turn on stun rod as it touch her hand. It would be very much fun! But I guess not good idea. Scientists always want live aliens. I ask why, they say things that bore Sergei. Rocket launcher does not tend to bring aliens back alive. Youmu always tries to get one or two alive.

And finally Tiny Lieutenant looks like she can carry Autocannon. This is excellent. Now Sergei has a backup weapon.

Tanks are behind Mookie. Mookie always wants to be first out. No, she says. She does not want to be behind the tanks. I cannot blame her. Plastic tanks sometimes have bullet go through them. I think she would rather see bullet instead of having it come through tank.

Lights are off in Skyranger, better to keep low-light vision. Also not to silhouette squad as targets in plane. I think avoiding silhouetting is okay, but if I were alien, I would just fill plane with bullets when ramp opens.

Aliens are stupid sometimes.

As door opens, Mookie runs out and dives behind a rock. Surprisingly, no aliens shoot at her. This is odd. Normally aliens start shooting first thing.

Tanks move forward next. Nitori I think can drive two at once from back at base. Still is only tiny plastic tank. I do not know why this bothers me so much. Tanks are another thing that is not Sergei for aliens to shoot. Tanks roll out, they cover both sides of aircraft. Pilot doesn't see any aliens in front of us.

Yorihime is looking down sights of rifle. “I see where the UFO is. It's a little ways out behind us. Don't see any lights on, though.”

And then Mookie shouts. “I SEE THE UFO, GUYS!”

And then aliens start shooting at her. I know this because plasma scratch paint on Skyranger. Tiny Lieutenant steps out of Skyranger next. Mookie is frantically pointing at where the plasma bolts came from, behind couple of rocks.

Tiny Lieutenant points Autocannon at rocks. Armor piercing shells originally developed for anti-tank work. Rocks are worse than plastic tank.

Screaming of bullets mixes with screaming of aliens. I recognize this screaming from watching scientists at work, sometimes. Is just Sectoids. I like Sectoids. Sergei can pick up Sectoid, and shove grenade down throat. Then sometimes I throw Sectoid with grenade back at other Sectoids.

Sergei should do this tonight.

Autocannon spools down, and night is quiet again. Toyohime and Yorihime step out of Skyranger, rifles trained on UFO. One time a Sectoid opened the door to look out. This sparked argument after the fact between Toyohime and Yorihime as to who put bullet in head of alien.

UFO door has been closed since then.

Sergei has rocket launcher on back, and cannon in hand. Sergeant Youmu has gone over to check the aliens that Tiny Lieutenant has pureed.

Is no survivors. Is not surprising.

Behind shitty tanks, squad moves up to UFO. Still no more aliens come out to attack us. Must be crapping their tiny alien pants.

And now we are in front of UFO. Aliens do not understand concept of locking door, so Sergei only needs press the button to get in.

There are many ways to proceed from here.



[ ] MOOKIE TO FRONT! You go through door first. We come after you.
[ ] Sergeant Youmu, make hole in side of UFO.
– [ ] Then we spray through the hole with explosives! It will be like American Fourth of July!
– [ ] MOOKIE TO HOLE!
[ ] Open door. Throw smoke grenade! Spray bullets into UFO. Nobody can see anybody, but bullets don't need to see!
>> No. 44916
[x] MOOKIE TO FRONT! You go through door first. We come after you.

Is solid tactic. Other squaddies, they die when they are killed, like should be. Mookie is infinitely expendable.
>> No. 44920
[x] Open door. Throw smoke grenade! Spray bullets into UFO. Nobody can see anybody, but bullets don't need to see!
>> No. 44921
[x] Sergeant Youmu, make hole in side of UFO.
– [x] MOOKIE TO HOLE!

We get an explosion and Mookie gets to feel like she's contributing.
>> No. 44922
[x] MOOKIE TO FRONT! You go through door first. We come after you.
>> No. 44923
[x] MOOKIE TO FRONT! You go through door first. We come after you.

Is good to have for one reason. To not use is waste.

(We should totally get Marc Lecointe on the squad next time we RTB. Then we'll have TWO teammates who don't die when they are killed! For the uninitiated: http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Marc_Lecointe )
>> No. 44925
>>44923
You want seven members of squad? No. Is not possible. Sergei has enough to deal with as is.
>> No. 44926
My God this is hilarious, my only objection so far is that we didn't get Marisa into the team.

[ ] MOOKIE TO FRONT! You go through door first. We come after you.
>> No. 44928
>>44925
Rookies don't stay rookies forever. Need replacement rookie. Is what moonbitches for! They cannot encroach on vodka forever. Is bad precedent.
>> No. 44930
>>44928
Do you make fun of Sergei's accent? Why do you do this thing?
>> No. 44935
>>44928
Please stop using the word "moonbitches".
>> No. 44940
>>44935
I'll stop calling them moonbitches when they stop being utter bitches from the moon.

>>44930
Sorry, buddy, I was trying to get in your head. Won't happen again.
>> No. 44942
>>44940
Can you call you faggot then? Actually, nevermind, I'll keep calling you faggot even if you're butthurt.
>> No. 44948
>>44942
Oh, cool, my very own wonderful nickname!

I like you. I think I'll keep you.
>> No. 45000
[x] MOOKIE TO FRONT! You go through door first. We come after you.
[x] Sergeant Youmu, make hole in side of UFO.

Once moonbitch covers each entrance, and everybody goes through while they're focused on Mokou.
>> No. 45003
[x] Sergeant Youmu, make hole in side of UFO.
– [x] MOOKIE TO HOLE!

TEAMWORK
>> No. 45007
[x] MOOKIE TO FRONT! You go through door first. We come after you.
[x] Sergeant Youmu, make hole in side of UFO.

Mookie is such a great TU drainer.
>> No. 45014
>>45000
How about you shut your fucking mouth for once?


[x] Sergeant Midget, make hole in side of UFO.
– [x] Then we spray through the hole with explosives! It will be like American Fourth of July!
>> No. 45018
>>45014

And the best part is, that wasn't even me.
>> No. 45019
File 13395205705.jpg - (385.42KB , 900x622 , a9fbdeceb204fd8c1fa70c8291cebb87.jpg ) [iqdb]
45019
[x] MOOKIE TO FRONT! You go through door first. We come after you.
[x] Sergeant Youmu, make hole in side of UFO.

Is tie between votes. I think. Sergei doesn't count so good.

“MOOKIE TO FRONT!” Mookie snaps a quick salute, and then charges the front of the door, pistol in one hand, flamethrower in the other. She's got the barrel of the pistol against the door-opening button for the UFO.

“Sergeant Youmu. Take high explosive, blow hole in UFO. Mookie will be distraction. We actually go in through hole.”

Normally standard issue high explosive do not breach side of UFO. Youmu does not do standard issue. Is twice as heavy as standard HE. Makes boom twice as big, I think. One time I ask her if she just tie two block of HE together. She say nothing, just glare at me. I do not think this is what she does.

Sergeant Youmu nods, and dashes off to the other side of the UFO to attach the HE to it, without exposing the door- and by extension, Mookie- to the blast.

“Tiny Lieutenant. You are to stay here with Mookie, and provide cover fire. Hail of bullets make aliens think twice about exiting through front.”

“Hell yes. Where you going, Sergei?”

“I go with Youmu, Yorihime, and Toyohime. Once hole is blown in UFO, internal walls still need breaching. Rockets can do this thing. And then maybe we take one alive? Or maybe not. I do not care. I think Youmu wants to take one though.”

“Awesome. Let's mulch some aliens.” Tiny Lieutenant seems excited at prospect of shredding aliens. I cannot blame.

“Good. Mookie, open door when you hear explosion. Murder aliens for me.”

Mookie looks a bit nervous. She still nod in my direction, though. I think she do fine.

Or get shot in head, not matter. Hopefully she either get out of way or drop fast so Tiny Lieutenant can put bullets in.

Toyohime and Yorihime flick on their thermal sights to rifle, so they can see through smoke. X-Com command say “Oh, fancy optics, you do not need them.”

“Fuck you, I say.” Then I buy thermal optics for squaddies out of own pocket. Squaddies only can die once. Is good if Sergei brings entire squad back, though.

However fuck tanks. Tanks Sergei does not care about. Maybe if was good steel tank, Sergei would care. But. Anyway. Tanks cover front of UFO, in case mulching aliens does not work good enough.

And tanks do not really fit through hole anyway. Tanks kind of useless, really.

Sergeant Youmu has placed explosives, retreated to safe distance. Toyohime and Yorihime are both at standoff distance, ready to snipe aliens. I have rocket launcher leveled at hole. Is go time.

HE explodes. Rocket leaves launcher, streaks through not-quite finished explosion, explodes inside UFO. Sergei can hear autocannon fire at front of UFO. Toyohime and Yorihime have apparently found enough to start shooting at. I drop rocket launcher, heft cannon. I cannot see inside UFO: do not have sights for cannon. Is okay. Sergeant Youmu rushes into UFO brandishing stun rod, I follow shortly after.

UFO is dark and full of smoke. Not sure if is just smoke from explosives, or if UFO engines blow up on crashing. Is only small UFO, though, and main room has no aliens left alive. Hole in one alien's head makes Sergei think that one of the squaddies got it.

Parts of alien spread about UFO implies Sergei got one. Maybe two. Alien filled with holes, slightly charred, says that Mookie helped get one.

Sergei would be proud, if he didn't see her body in front of the door, with Tiny Lieutenant poking at her to see if she's actually dead, or just, as Tiny Lieutenant would say later, “had half her face melted off by alien plasma. Seriously, she didn't even duck, just got nailed in the face. I felt bad after I giggled. Then I shot the alien.”

One room left. Youmu opens door quickly, to take advantage of surprise.

She surprise alien real good. He was backed in corner when I get into room, waving his hands and screaming in a panicky way. Sergei does not speak alien, but imagine that alien was praying to whatever god it believe in. Is comical, really.

And then Sergeant Youmu bludgeon alien over head with stun rod.

Look, we have specimen! Maybe this time I not get reprimanded for “unnecessary force.”



Upon returning to base:

[ ] Find out if scientists have new toy with more explosions.
[ ] Do things with squadmates.
– [ ] Write-in.
[ ] Get shitfaced on vodka.
– [ ] With squadmates.
– [ ] Shitfaced and then pass out.
– [ ] WHAT THE FUCK HOW YOU GET THERE FIRST TO SERGEI'S VODKA THIS IS UNFORGIVABLE
[ ] Go bitch at Nitori because tanks.
[ ] Write-in.
>> No. 45021
Oh man I want an "[x] All of the above" vote so bad (well, multiple choices, actually, not strictly all). Still, explosions are good.

[x] Find out if scientists have new toy with more explosions.
>> No. 45022
[X] Get shitfaced on vodka

IT IS TIME FOR VODKA! That is not to say this is particularly special, any time is vodka time. COME, LET US CONSUME ALCOHOL.

– [X] WHAT THE FUCK HOW YOU GET THERE FIRST TO SERGEI'S VODKA THIS IS UNFORGIVABLE
- [X] GET YOUR OWN BOOZE JESUS

Or maybe just krump some moonbitches.

Whether or not the last line refers to a messiah made of ethanol is entirely up to Sergei.
>> No. 45023
[x] Go bitch at Water Bunker because tanks.
>> No. 45027
[x] Do things with squadmates.
–[x] Youmu
--[x] Bedtop sports for indoor types
-[x] Cirno
--[x] Poker
>> No. 45030
[x] Find out if scientists have new toy with more explosions.
>> No. 45037
>>45027
>–[x] Youmu
>--[x] Bedtop sports for indoor types

What, you want to hear story of Sergei's romantic conquests?

Ha. Ha ha ha. I think you do not want to hear story. Is better this way, I think.
>> No. 45040
[x] Get shitfaced on vodka.
[x] Go bitch at Nitori because tanks.

What the hell is on the HWPs anyway Sergei? Pistols? Ask HQ for laser cannon ASAP.
>> No. 45066
>>45040
Were already laser tanks. Should get rocket tanks next time.
>> No. 45074
>>45066

Preferably with armor that is not made out of paper tissue, yes?
>> No. 45118
[x] Get shitfaced on vodka.
– [x] With squadmates.
– [x] Shitfaced and then pass out.
[x] Go talk to captured alien. Preferably while still drunk.
>> No. 45402
File 134016662471.jpg - (528.06KB , 772x1023 , ROYSL.jpg ) [iqdb]
45402
[x] Do things with squadmates.
[x] Get shitfaced on vodka.
[x] Poker



Saddest part of any mission is end. Maybe you not believe! Is true for Sergei. Is not because “oh, aliums are dead, cry for dead aliums.” No. Is not even because Sergei does not get to shoot any more aliens.

No. Is not saddest because possibly squadmate dead.

No. Is saddest because when UFO crash in middle of bumfuck nowhere, orbital bombard UFO to get rid of evidence with tungsten kinetic impactors from orbit.

Is saddest because Sergei never gets to orbital bombard anything.

Did I ever tell story of X-Com kinetic impactors? No? Twenty foot tungsten rods. One foot diameter. Impact velocity of thirty six thousand feet per second. Satellite mounted. We have several of these in Earth orbit. Commander makes call, area of several hundred feet in sphere gets annihilated.

Is beautiful, really. You know how you look up in sky, and see shooting star? How you think is romantic? How you think is tiny meteoroid burning up in atmosphere?

Sometimes is kinetic kill vehicle with energy greater than small atomic bomb. Without problem of radiation.

While on subject of kinetic kill vehicles: here is fun fact about X-Com bases. Surrender to aliens is entirely unacceptable. However. When aliens try to invade base that they have found, they deploy from battleship in low Earth orbit above base.

We have surprise for them.

Is called a “Verne gun.” Bottom level of base is several tons tungsten alloy. Under base is large amount of nukes. Detonation can be adjusted to aim large disc of tungsten into low Earth orbit.

If we die, aliens die.

But I get distracted again. So. Squad return to base, do whatever. However. Most nights we have poker game.

Sergei is bad at poker. Is possible because I cannot bluff when drink much alcohol.

Tiny Lieutenant is worse.

Oftentimes Sergeant Youmu take all money. She has best poker face.

But this time I have surprise. Sergeant Youmu does not drink alcohol. She has “orange soda.”

Some vodka in orange soda, she cannot taste.



“Th- The fuck you beat me! I have a straight flush!”

“No, Youmu. I have better card. I have royal flush.”

Sergei has nothing of kind. Cards all black though, and I wave cards back and forth. Tiny Lieutenant try not to giggle.

“Well sh-fuck! Sergei, how did you- you stacked the deck, you dirty cheater!”

I hold hands up in perfect picture of innocence. “You deal cards. I not cheat.”

“Bu- but you cut!”

“So? Is not stacking deck.”

“I'm watching you!”

Tiny Lieutenant cannot handle much more of this. She has drank much alcohol, and is about to fall out of chair from laughing so hard.

Is shame squaddies and Mookie are not here. Well, maybe is not shame. Squaddies and Mookie maybe not let Sergei cheat so hard. Tiny Lieutenant go along with most of Sergei's schemes. Especially if is at Youmu's expense.

Sergei gets to wondering. How did Sergei get squad of entirely women? Sergei stops thinking for a moment, as Sergeant Youmu has thrown her cup at me.

“I want- get me more orange pop!”

She is strange. Calls soda a pop. Is okay! Sergei has more special “pop”.

Four hands and one cup later, Youmu is draped across Cirno's shoulder. She is telling story about how she is going to murder me for cheating.

Is interesting, I think. Some things not anatomically possible.

One more hand, she accuse me of cheating again. Then she surprise me, by jumping over table to tackle me.

I think she intend to kill me for cheating. I do not think she can. She fall asleep as she land on top of me.

I pick up Sergeant Youmu, and Tiny Lieutenant and I decide to put her to bed. Was fun night. Should get Youmu to drink more, I think.

I put Youmu in bed, Tiny Lieutenant tucks her in.

Night is still young. What do?



[ ] Wander around with Tiny Lieutenant.
– [ ] Go to R&D. Try new shiny things, if they have.
– [ ] Go check on Squaddies. If they are in Sergei's vodka, is hell to pay.
– [ ] Find Mookie. She must do something for fun.
– [ ] Go find tanks. Vandalize tanks. Maybe then we get real tanks.
– [ ] Other idea?
– [ ] Check on Sergeant Youmu. We just tossed her in to bed!
– [ ] Go to bed. Night is early yet!
>> No. 45403
[x] Wander around with Tiny Lieutenant.
– [x] Find Mookie. She must do something for fun.

>KKVs mentioned
All of my love.
>> No. 45404
[ ] Wander around with Tiny Lieutenant.
– [X] Find Mookie. She must do something for fun.
– [X] Go find tanks. Vandalize tanks. Maybe then we get real tanks.
– [X] Go to R&D. Try new shiny things, if they have.

In this exact order. These qualify as "fun" things for Mookie, and R&D will be the ones to provide new tanks, so we may as well be the ones to bring them the "sad" news.

... oh, yeah, Mookie can hold the shiny new things R&D makes if there's any chance of them asploding on us.
>> No. 45405
[ ] Wander around with Tiny Lieutenant.
– [ ] Go to R&D. Try new shiny things, if they have.

Must have shiiiiiny.
>> No. 45408
[x] Wander around with Tiny Lieutenant.
– [X] Find Mookie. She must do something for fun.
– [X] Go find tanks. Vandalize tanks. Maybe then we get real tanks.
>> No. 45425
[x] Wander around with Tiny Lieutenant.
- [x] Make fun of captured alien.
– [x] Go to R&D. Try new shiny things, if they have.
>> No. 45442
[X] Wander around with Tiny Lieutenant.
–[X] Go check on Squaddies. If they are in Sergei's vodka, is hell to pay.
>> No. 45465
[ ] Wander around with Tiny Lieutenant.
– [ ] Find Mookie. She must do something for fun.
– [ ] Go to R&D. Try new shiny things, if they have.
>> No. 45516
[x] Wander around with Tiny Lieutenant.
- [x] Make fun of captured alien.
– [x] Go to R&D. Try new shiny things, if they have.

Hah! Dumb alien, is in cage. Sergei is out of cage.
>> No. 45542
>>45516
Normally, Sergei would not have anything to do with aliens. Scientists do not like Sergei doing this.

However! Dumb alien. Is in cage. Ha.
>> No. 45728
[x] Wander around with Tiny Lieutenant.
– [x] Go find tanks. Vandalize tanks. Maybe then we get real tanks.

Wait, if we're orbital bombing the UFO, how the fuck are we supposed to get that precious, precious alien alloy?
>> No. 45749
>>45728

They grab the elerium, then they bug out and blast the thing.
>> No. 45753
>>45749
This. Is boring to describe, so I just leave out. I plan update soon.
>> No. 45756
>>45749

Alien alloy, you know, the one used to make personal armor? The one that is gained based on the UFO's hull size? The one that most usually end up with tons of but apparently we don't have seeing that Mookie got one-shotted?
>> No. 45841
File 134127672379.jpg - (139.99KB , 768x1024 , dd6ef40d422007c9603e1c8ae53c8f61.jpg ) [iqdb]
45841
>>45756

Alien Alloy we leave to recovery team. Is not our job to pick up valuable bits.

[x] Wander around with Tiny Lieutenant.
– [X] Find Mookie. She must do something for fun.
– [X] Go find tanks. Vandalize tanks. Maybe then we get real tanks.
–[X] Go check on Squaddies. If they are in Sergei's vodka, is hell to pay.

“So, Sergei, what now? Sergeant Youmu's passed out, which means she can't stop us from doing fun things.”

Is good point. I can do thing that I have been wanting to do for long time.

“Tiny Lieutenant, we are going to find Mookie. I think she have fun with this.”



We find Mookie at firing range. She try so hard to improve her shooting. She is still very bad, if scorchmarks on floor any indication. Large ear protectors she has on, because now she is trying to shoot pistol. Is great! It means Tiny Lieutenant can sneak up on her.

Which Tiny Lieutenant does, with great gusto. She jump up on Mookie's back, and start screaming like alien. Mookie flail about, shooting bullet everywhere. Is hilarious to watch. Eventually Mookie run out of bullets after firing wildly, and Tiny Lieutenant cannot hold on any longer from laughing so hard. Mookie seems angry, and takes swing at Tiny Lieutenant while she is rolling on ground laughing. Tiny Lieutenant rolls out of the way, and Mookie ends up punching hard concrete floor. Is hilarious, and just makes Tiny Lieutenant laugh all the harder.

Mookie gets red in the face, and tries to storm out. So I hold out my hand to stop her. “Hey, Mookie, do not leave yet! We were just having fun!”

Cirno is trying to back up story, but her laugh does not help matters. “No, no, Mokou, we've got something fun planned! Really! We promise! We just wanted to include you!”

“I-include me?” Poor Mookie. She is not appreciated by some. I try and include her.

“Mookie, I have plan.” I toss her a spray paint can. “I am going to show plastic tanks who is boss. Are you with me?”

Mookie's smile is fiendish. “Oh, hell yes.”



Two hour later, we have gone through my hip flask, my second hip flask, and emergency inside pocket flask. We have also drank what Tiny Lieutenant calls “Cirno Death Mix.” I could taste much tequila inside.

We have also accomplished work of art. Terrible plastic tank is pink. Is a special tone of pink. Is not hot pink. Is flesh pink. This was Tiny Lieutenant's idea. She spend half hour with small detail brush, saying that she has to get all details correct.

One tank laser barrel is now anatomically correct model of penis. Well, as anatomical as barrel can get. Mookie has just been painting curse words on tanks.

Sergei? Sergei has not painted. Sergei has taken baseball bat and been bashing tanks. Sergei's arms are tired, but there are many gratifying dents.

Tiny Lieutenant and Mookie have fallen asleep. Tiny Lieutenant is asleep on top of one tank, while Mookie has just passed out on the floor. Sergei expected this, and can pick them both up. Is okay.

So I take them back to rooms, and put them in bed. On side, of course. This way they do not choke on own vomit. Never let it be said that Sergei does not care for troops.

Idly, as I walk to my room, I wonder where Squaddies were. I have not seen them all night. My question is answered as I open the door to my room.

Squaddies are tangled up on top of each other, clothes all askew. Asleep. ON TOP OF EMPTY BOTTLES OF FINEST SOVIET VODKA.



[ ] CRUSH
[ ] KILL
[ ] DESTROY
[ ] MURDER
[ ] LOVE
[ ] WRITE-IN
>> No. 45842
[x] LOVE
>> No. 45846
[x] LOVE

All of my bueno. All of it.
>> No. 45850
[x] LOVE

NOT WAR
>> No. 45852
[ ] CRUSH
[ ] KILL
[ ] DESTROY
[ ] MURDER

In this order.
>> No. 45854
[x] CRUSH
[x] KILL
[x] DESTROY
[x] MURDER

Nothing is as heinous to a Russian as the early end of his beloved vodka.
>> No. 45855
[X]LOVE
>> No. 45857
[x] CRUSH
[x] KILL
[x] DESTROY
[x] MURDER

>>45854

Quoted for truth.
>> No. 45859
[X] CRUSH
[X] KILL
[X] DESTROY
[X] MURDER

*Insert Khornate battle cry here*
>> No. 45877
[x] CRUSH
[x] KILL
[x] DESTROY
[x] MURDER
[x] ANNIHILATE
>> No. 45878
[X] CRUSH
[X] KILL
[X] DESTROY
[X] MURDER
[X] LOVE
[X] WRITE-IN
[X] RENOVATE
[X] INGEST

Everything.
>> No. 45880
[X] RENOVATE
[X] INGEST

[X] RENOVATE
[X] INGEST

[X] RENOVATE
[X] INGEST
>> No. 46146
Is ties. Why is always ties.

Also Sergei does not know what to do with these RENOVATE and INGEST votes. Sergei is not an alien.
>> No. 46147
[x] LOVE

There, tie broken.
>> No. 46149
[x] LOVE
>> No. 46150
[X] CRUSH
[X] KILL
[X] DESTROY
[X] MURDER

BUUUURRRRRN DIRTY HERETICS!
>> No. 46157
[x] CRUSH
[x] KILL
[x] DESTROY
[x] MURDER

Bunny girls have stolen Sergei's vodka.

Sergei is not okay with this.
>> No. 46158
[x] LOVE
>> No. 46161
[x] CRUSH
[x] KILL
[x] DESTROY
[x] MURDER
[x] ANNIHILATE
>> No. 46166
[X] BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
-[X] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkkYxmMj-Oo

Nobody- NOBODY- makes Sergei Gorokhova look like a possum's pecker.

Time to die, moonbitches.
>> No. 46202
[X] BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
>> No. 46215
File 134282552630.jpg - (66.64KB , 474x700 , 0057e4f2afb8a1bcf30ed1520eb4ba8d.jpg ) [iqdb]
46215
[x] CRUSH
[x] KILL
[x] DESTROY
[x] MURDER
[x] ANNIHILATE
[x] BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

Squaddies. Vodka. Is odd, I think, in retrospect. Entire field of vision tinged red. May possibly be due to aneurism from anger. Half of Sergei wants to be nice to Squaddies. Half of Sergei wants to inform them politely and nicely of the consequences of their actions.

Other half of Sergei?

Other half of Sergei is the BLOOD GOD.

I close door real quietly. Then, tiptoe over to Squaddies quietly, so they stay asleep. And very, very, slowly and gently, I tap Yorihime on forehead. She rouses slowly, and her eyes blink, unfocused.

She focuses on my face, ever so slowly. I then wave to her, and she waves to me drunkenly back. On top of Yorihime is Toyohime. I tap her on forehead same way. She wakes quicker than Yorihime, and when she manages to focus on me, I see tiny shadow of fear in eyes. This is good. This is the optimal emotion for this situation.

I bring my face real close to face of both Squaddies, and in low, quiet voice, I say: “I must break you.”

Toyohime scrambles backwards, away from me, off of Yorihime. “N-no! Please! We- we didn't know!”

That's it. That makes Sergei angry. I roar at them: “YOU DIDN'T KNOW? YOU DID NOT KNOW THAT THIS IS SERGEI'S VODKA? YOU DID NOT KNOW THAT THIS IS SERGEI'S VODKA, IN SERGEI'S ROOM? YOU DID NOT KNOW THAT THIS IS SERGEI'S VODKA, IN SERGEI'S ROOM, THAT I HAVE TOLD YOU TO KEEP AWAY FROM HOW MANY TIMES NOW?!” I pick up Toyohime with one hand on her collar and bring her real close to Sergei's face. “Tell me again that YOU DID NOT KNOW.”

Yorihime is now hiding in a corner, trying to avoid my wrath. I will get to her soon.

Toyohime's face is now completely white. “I-I-”

“YOU WHAT.”

And with a “BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGH”, Toyohime vomits all over my face. At this, I do not know what happens. Maybe I become so angry I've come back around full circle. And Yorihime is now trying to stifle what looks like a laugh. Or her own vomit. I drop Toyohime like sack of bricks, and point at Yorihime. “You think this is funny? Do you believe this is funny? I believe it is funny. DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS FUNNY?”

Yorihime blanks her expression quickly.

“I will tell you why it is funny, Yorihime. It is because you get to clean up this mess.”

Yorihime relaxes a bit. She thinks this is all the consequences are. This is not all the consequences are. “I will be back. This will be cleaned. You will clean my room. I do not care if you clean up Toyohime. We will have talk afterward.”

With that, I leave room. I kind of wish door was not futuristic sliding door, so I could slam it. So I am still covered in vomit, but too angry to go back into my room. I think I may end up murdering a Squaddie if I do so. So I will go to the public bathroom, take shower, and try to cool off. I think this is a good idea.

After shower, I am still angry. Should not return to room. Still need to blow off steam. What do?

[ ] Write-in.

Also, Sergei needs to think of fitting punishment for Squaddies.

[ ] Write-in.
>> No. 46216
[x] Start gathering as much Pabst Blue Ribbon as possible.

[x]Force Loonies to stay up drinking until they pass out. Wake them up with a megaphone at 5 AM sharp then Intensive PT them. Repeat every morning for several weeks until they swear off alcohol forever.
>> No. 46225
[x] Find something, somehow, to orbitally bombard. Does not matter what, or how, or "property damage".

[x]Force Loonies to stay up drinking until they pass out. Wake them up with a megaphone at 5 AM sharp then Intensive PT them. Repeat every morning for several weeks until they swear off alcohol forever.
-[x] Not stay up drinking voodka, though. Too good for likes of stupid Loonies. Give them cheap, filthy, American alcohol.

Pure write-in votes don't generally work as well unless readers are used to them.
>> No. 46229
Pabst Blue Ribbon is infamous for being such terrible American beer that only hipsters drink it to be "ironic".
>> No. 46233
[x] Start gathering as much Pabst Blue Ribbon as possible.

[x]Force Loonies to stay up drinking until they pass out. Wake them up with a megaphone at 5 AM sharp then Intensive PT them. Repeat every morning for several weeks until they swear off alcohol forever.

Mmmmmm, irony.
>> No. 46257
[x] Find something, somehow, to orbitally bombard. Does not matter what, or how, or "property damage".

[x]Force Loonies to stay up drinking until they pass out. Wake them up with a megaphone at 5 AM sharp then Intensive PT them. Repeat every morning for several weeks until they swear off alcohol forever.
-[x] Not stay up drinking vodka, though. Too good for likes of stupid Loonies. Give them cheap, filthy, American alcohol.
>> No. 46262
[x] Find something, somehow, to orbitally bombard. Does not matter what, or how, or "property damage".

[x]Force Loonies to stay up drinking until they pass out. Wake them up with a megaphone at 5 AM sharp then Intensive PT them. Repeat every morning for several weeks until they swear off alcohol forever.
-[x] Not stay up drinking vodka, though. Too good for likes of stupid Loonies. Give them cheap, filthy, American alcohol.
>> No. 46667
[x] Find something, somehow, to orbitally bombard. Does not matter what, or how, or "property damage".

[x]Force Loonies to stay up drinking until they pass out. Wake them up with a megaphone at 5 AM sharp then Intensive PT them. Repeat every morning for several weeks until they swear off alcohol forever.
-[x] Not stay up drinking vodka, though. Too good for likes of stupid Loonies. Give them cheap, filthy, American alcohol. Like Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Courtesy sage.
>> No. 46807
File 134674502144.png - (596.89KB , 1920x799 , 3a6b95ae0e3704a87270aa618107e86f.png ) [iqdb]
46807
[x] Find something, somehow, to orbitally bombard. Does not matter what, or how, or "property damage".

[x]Force Loonies to stay up drinking until they pass out. Wake them up with a megaphone at 5 AM sharp then Intensive PT them. Repeat every morning for several weeks until they swear off alcohol forever.
-[x] Not stay up drinking vodka, though. Too good for likes of stupid Loonies. Give them cheap, filthy, American alcohol. Like Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Pabst Blue Ribbon. Is, bar none, the worst alcohol Sergei has ever tasted. Is even worse than one time Sergei try to ferment own vodka in bathroom during Red Army boot camp. Is the best possible punishment for squaddies.

The thought of making Squaddies drink this for many days while being made to wake up early and do intensive PT is a happy one. Yes. First thing I do tomorrow, is go out to town. I will buy all the alcohol the squaddies can drink. They will not be happy.

Sergei will be very happy.

These thoughts brighten my day. Things that also brighten my day: I have cleaned vomit off of myself. And my special cell phone is ringing.

Special cell phone only rings when there are aliens to kill.

I have conversation with X-Com base commander. She says that the Interceptors on patrol flights have identified probable alien base location. I ask why we do not simply orbitally bombard it. She says that we could, but that I would probably enjoy going in and killing some aliens first. Also, recovering alien technology. I think the second thing is what she actually said.

But Sergei understands what she actually meant.

She offers to call each squad member and wake them up. I laugh. No, Commander, no. Let me do this thing. You call Nitori and scientists. Wake them up. Have them get our tanks ready, and get new weapons ready. There are new weapons ready, right?

Only one weapon, unfortunately. Is tiny laser pistol. Bah. At least with this, Mookie does not have to worry about running out of ammunition. Okay, Commander. We will be in ready room in one hour.

This is becoming a better and better day by the minute.

First thing to do is wake up Tiny Lieutenant. I knock on her door, but I know she will not answer. She sleep like rock sometimes. So I open her door, and shake her awake. Normally this does not work either. At this point, normally she latch onto arm I use to shake her awake. This is standard Cirno waking procedure. I take nightdress-garbed Tiny Lieutenant and carry her into shower. I turn shower on at coldest temperature.

She wakes up.

She often wakes up with much anger, and violence. But this time she wakes up, and sees me smiling.

“Ugh, it's early. Wait, Sergei... are you smiling because there are aliens to kill?”

“Yes, Tiny Lieutenant. An entire base of aliens to kill.”

“Hell yes! I'm going to get my gun!”

And with that, Tiny Lieutenant runs out of her room to get autocannon, not even changing out of soaked nightdress. This is also standard procedure.

Next is to wake up Sergeant Youmu.

I knock on her door. I know she sleeps lightly, and in short amount of time, she opens door to find me standing there, her stun rod in hand.

“Sergei? What are you... oh, my stun rod. Aliens?”

“Aliens.”

“Where?”

“Australia. Entire base full of aliens.”

She does not seem as excited as Tiny Lieutenant or me. But this is okay. It is hard to match Tiny Lieutenant's enthusiasm for killing aliens. This is why I like Tiny Lieutenant Cirno. So, I know she is awake, and will be at ready room. Next is Mookie. I will save Squaddies for last.

Mookie's door is open, and Mookie is nowhere to be found. This is odd. Maybe Tiny Lieutenant has woken her up already. I will ask her when I find her. Or maybe call her if Tiny Lieutenant hasn't woken her up. Eh. I believe Mookie is fine. Mookie does not die when killed, after all.

Finally, Squaddies.

They are not happy to see me coming back into my room. But Yorihime's fear seems to ebb when she sees my smiling face. She thinks that they are forgiven. She does not yet understand. This is okay. First aliens, then Squaddies. Sergei has a plan for them, oh yes.

“Yorihime. We have aliens to kill. Are you sober enough to murder aliens?”

“Shit, Sergei, I don't have to be sober to shoot straight.”

I laugh. “This is good. Is Toyohime good to go?”

Yorihime nods. “Probably. I put her in the shower and turned it on. The whimpering and puking has stopped, so she's likely good to go.”

“Excellent. We are expected in ready room in 45 minutes. We have many aliens to kill.”



45 minutes later, we are in ready room. Apparently science team had woken up Mookie themselves to test out new laser pistol. It turns out that “pistol” is bad name for weapon. Is more like laser SMG. This is okay. Mookie still cannot hit broad side of barn with new gun. However, she can put out more bullets, faster. This is ideal for best rookie. She may hit something yet. Nitori is glaring at me from across briefing table. I do not believe she appreciated our decorated tanks, but she says nothing. She will probably bitch during whole trip to alien base during Skyranger flight. This is okay. Sergei will probably be asleep.

Commander Kotohime is going over the briefing. “Our interceptors have been doing a 24-hour sweep of Australia, looking for signs of anomalous activity. We hadn't actually found anything. The aliens had kept their base well-camouflaged. The fact that we found this one is entirely a stroke of luck.”

Sergeant Youmu interrupts the briefing. “How'd we find it?”

Kotohime blushes a bit. “Well... So, occasionally I get bored. And I can patch into the Interceptors' camera systems. I told the pilot to strafe some kangaroos, and, well, when she fired into them, they returned fire with plasma weapons. We called the other interceptor over to sweep the immediate area, and took electronic readings and a bunch of other technical things blah blah blah blah...” I always get bored when she gets to technical aspects. She rambles, and I just want to get going on mission. But I try to be respectful, I do. I have not fallen asleep in briefing yet for at least two missions. “...so we determined that the alien base is in Ayers Rock.” Wait. Wait, wait wait. Hold on.

“Commander Kotohime.”

“Yes, Sergei?”

“Alien base is inside Ayers Rock.”

“It's carved shallowly into one of the sides, yes.”

“Can I do orbital bombardment of base this time?”

She sighs visibly. I have been asking each time that we go out on mission like this. Normally she does not let me. “Fine. Fine, you can call it down this time.”

THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER.

“Anyways, your objectives are to clear the base out so that our science and recovery teams can go in and collect samples of technology to reverse-engineer some of their stuff. I, personally, would love to have a go with a plasma rifle. And can you imagine how amazing it would be to have a plasma flamethrower?” Mookie's eyes light up at this. “Just, you know, fwoooosh. Except, instead of deadly fire, even deadlier plasma.” Commander Kotohime is miming sweeping the room with a flamethrower when our science team member clears her throat.

Captain Reisen, Science Team Deputy Commander, is here with her new toys. “Commander, if I may?”
Commander Kotohime looks a little surprised, and sits down. She gestures to her to go on, if a little disappointed. She was enjoying herself, I think. “What we have for you isn't much. We haven't had much time to get decent research going, but we've gotten the fundamentals of a portable laser weapon down. The rifle extended-amplification systems, however, are a bit too large to actually be man-portable. So we decided to cut those out, and it's resulted in what we've termed a laser pistol.”

Mookie interjects at this time. “But it fires like a SMG!”

Reisen glares at Mookie. “Did you invent this?”

“But-”

“Did you?”

“I-”

“Did you?”

“No...”

“That's what I thought. We're calling it a laser pistol. In any case, before I was interrupted, it can fire very rapidly, with minimal cooling time. It's a bit unwieldy, being a prototype, but we're sure we can integrate computer targeting into it for improved accuracy. The heat sink blah blah blah technical details blah blah...”



Sergeant Youmu here again. Sergei has dozed off during the briefing. This tends to happen when Reisen is allowed to ramble.

Aside from the laser SMG, there isn't really much else to say for the briefing. The tanks will be coming with us as well. Laser tanks, again, as the science team wants to limit collateral damage until after the recovery mission. I think it's a good idea. It's an even better idea for Nitori to have waited until Sergei was asleep to say this. He would have probably demanded rocket tanks. I think laser tanks are probably a bit more useful here.

So we've each got a laser SMG as a sidearm, and I've still got the stun rod, HE, and medical kits. Mookie's got a medical kit too, but that's mainly so that we can pick it up off of her body when she inevitably gets killed. She's also got a bunch of grenades, but that's to compensate for her abysmal accuracy. I think the laser pistol will help that, though, if only through sheer volume of fire.

The Squaddies aren't happy with it, and they take the SMG grudgingly, while swearing that they won't use anything but their preferred long rifles. I think they'll be unpleasantly surprised by the tight corridors in an alien base. They haven't done a base infiltration mission yet. I think their SMGs will get plenty of work.

Lieutenant Cirno's taped her SMG on top of her autocannon, and tied the triggers together with a string. She says that when she pulls the trigger on the autocannon, the SMG will fire too. I'm just glad they only gave her one SMG. If they'd given her more, I'm sure that she'd tape them to her autocannon too.

Sergei just pockets his SMG. It's comically small in those huge hams of hands he has. He will probably end up using it too, but I don't think that bothers him. He's a practical man.

Nitori's voice crackles over your headphones in the Skyranger. “Hey, Sergei, we're almost over the drop zone.” Nothing. “Are you asleep again?!” Yeah, he's asleep again. “Youmu, are you guys ready?”

“Yeah. The rest of the team's awake, and I'll wake up Sergei.”

“Okay. Where do you want to do the drop? We can drop you directly on top of where we think the base is, on the rock, but you'll probably have to blast a hole through the top. That'll get rid of any chance of surprise, and likely damage some equipment. I doubt they'll have that entrance guarded, though. We could also drop you at the base of the rock, where the aliens come in and out themselves. There'll probably be no need for blasting, but, you know, front door and all that.”

Man. Neither of those sound too great. “Is there a third option?”

“Officially? No. Unofficially? There's a small chasm near the base, on top of Ayers Rock. I could try to drop you guys in there, but it's a small area to hit, and I'm not even sure it actually goes to the base.”

Parachuting in there won't be a problem for you, Cirno, or Sergei. It might be for the Squaddies, and definitely for Mookie. The tanks you're not too worried about, as Nitori can likely guide them in there herself with no problems.

Well...



[ ] “Drop us on top. We'll blow a hole in the base.”
[ ] “Drop us in front. We'll take them on like that.”
[ ] “Let's try the chasm. Maybe we can get the drop on the aliens.”
[ ] “I've got a better idea...” (Write-in).

Comrades, I apologize for the long delay between updates. I have other story to write, and this one as well.
>> No. 46818
[X] “Drop us in front. We'll take them on like that.”
We want to kill as many aliens as possible and take as much equipment as possible so the tech guys can shut up and not demand more anytime soon (so we can then focus on killing even more aliens). Also automatic laser pistols and a narrow entrance leads to much alien killings, maybe even for Mookie as well. We also need to kill aliens.

I missed this and Sergei's crazy narration. You know you have a really fun and crazy guy when he outshines even Kotohime in that regard.
>> No. 46819
[X] “Drop us in front. We'll take them on like that.”

Make sure everyone's got plenty of grenades, of course. Tight spaces and all that.
>> No. 46827
[x] “I've got a better idea...”
- [x] Drop Squadies and Cirno in front
- [x] Drop Mookie, Youmu and Sergei on top
After front team draws attention, top team blasts in. Mookie first, of course.
>> No. 46904
File 134743718937.jpg - (114.97KB , 1110x363 , not enough time units.jpg ) [iqdb]
46904
[x] “I've got a better idea...”
- [x] Drop Squadies and Cirno in front
- [x] Drop Mookie, Youmu and Sergei on top
After front team draws attention, top team blasts in. Mookie first, of course.



Missions so different across globe. Especially alien missions of terror, change much on where alium land. In Japan, much running and screaming. In Berlin, they see angry Russian shooting big gun and scream "not again," and run toward alium. Detroit, alium dead when arrive and all artefact of space long gone from pockets and no copper left in UFO.

But any mission in Australia always most confuse. Why? For alium among family, but like Ural Mountain family of all hate another with great passion. Alium land in Australia, he find only place of Earth which give fairest fight to all, because Australia hate all sentient life equally.

Sergei’s point? Rock needed orbital bombardment before aliums arrive. Is only way to kill Australian spiders.

Sergei ponder this as I float down in parachute according to Sergeant Youmu’s plan. Is always good plan when Sergei gets to explode through roof and kill aliums so many times they need multiple wills. Is even better plan when Skyforger land on front step of alium base with laser tanks first to deploy. Laser tank have one use in world, be blown to pieces on Skyforger ramp.

Sergeant Youmu stick landing perfectly. Best Rookie almost dragged over edge of giant rock by gust of wind in parachute before Sergei land near her and cut line with knife.

“Are those kangaroos?” say Sergeant Youmu.

Is indeed kangaroos! Are standing some distance away on rock.

“Those are kangaroos!” Sergeant Youmu says, full of happy. Sergeant is good, serious Sergeant, but sometimes get excited over new thing. “They’re fuzzy...”

But Sergei knows better.

Sergei watched “Crocodile Dundee.”

I raise cannon. Kangaroos quick-draw plasma pistols from belly pouches. Loud explosion is made. Sergeant Youmu has look of shock, kangaroo fur and blood splatter on her face.

“They were... in disguise?” Mookie says, scratching head. I shrug. Maybe. Maybe was alium in suit. Maybe was genetical engineered to look like kangaroo. Or maybe, just maybe was ordinary kangaroo waiting for chance of revenge on all sentient life, like rest of Australia.

Sergeant Youmu goes into crack of rock to set explosive charges to make hole in base roof while Mookie and I go to edge of rock, watch Skyforger land with much dust and sand blowing all places. Ramp on back drop open.

First tank edge penis-cannon out doorway, and air turn green with plasma. Plastic tank does not explode. Is not enough left to explode. Little puddle of molten plastic bubbling on top of ramp.

Mookie swallows. Usually, this is her. Sergei carry steel flask with label “Mookie” to return her to base when this happens.

Second tank fires from inside Skyforger, hitting nothing. At least with tank of Rocket, gravity dictate you eventually hit ground. Nitori control tanks with game controller, use thumbs to aim. Thumbs no good for this. Real world not game of Hoop that Tiny Lieutenant play on CrossBox, with auto-aim of gun as she make children cry with many genius phrase of horrible swearing.

Tiny Lieutenant is Sergei’s best student.

Smoke grenades flying out of Skyforger now, the poomph poomph poomph of false hopes.

“Sergeant Youmu. Blow the top.”

Great geyser of fire blast from crevice, sending rock all places. Youmu takes quick peek down. Mookie toss electrical flare in hole, peek over edge.

Sergei kicks Mookie into hole.

Sergei counts to three.

Sergei jumps in.

Now inside alien base, few lights on. In middle of hallway, little to see. Mookie little ways ahead, sending evil looks over shoulder at Sergei. As she sends one more, giant alien walks around corner and bumps into her. Mookie looks up into armored eyeballs.

Is Chrysalid.


[ ] Sergei detect unique opportunity for science! Do nothing.
[ ] Sergei knows one place Chrysalid is not armored! Will turn tables.
[ ] Mookie does good job. Found Alien! Now blow them to bits, sort out Mookie from Alien later, sweep into proper bottle.
[ ] Other idea?
>> No. 46905
[ ] Mookie does good job. Found Alien! Now blow them to bits, sort out Mookie from Alien later, sweep into proper bottle.

Oh shit.

TAKE NO CHANCES!!!!
>> No. 46906
[x] Sergei detect unique opportunity for science! Do nothing.
FOR SCIENCE!
>> No. 46907
[x] Sergei detect unique opportunity for science! Do nothing.

There is never much of a choice when SCIENCE! is involved.
>> No. 46909
[ ] Mookie does good job. Found Alien! Now blow them to bits, sort out Mookie from Alien later, sweep into proper bottle.

Let's not screw around with Crysalids gentlemen.
>> No. 46910
[X] Sergei knows one place Chrysalid is not armored! Will turn tables.

Mookie may be expendable, but let's not tempt fate like that on purpose.

A good commissar is both feared and respected.
>> No. 46911
[X] Mookie does good job. Found Alien! Now blow them to bits, sort out Mookie from Alien later, sweep into proper bottle.

As much as I love SCIENCE, Mookie is a teammate and more importantly a rookie. We all know the standard protocol of the rookie in cases of Chrysalid is a prime grenade in hand and the possibly sweet release of death upon zombification. We're just doing her job for her by blowing her up earlier. Besides, the thought of a possible swarm of self resurrecting Chrysalid fills me with fear and loathing few things besides official paperwork and Sydney Funnel Web Spiders can invoke.
>> No. 46916
[X] Mookie does good job. Found Alien! Now blow them to bits, sort out Mookie from Alien later, sweep into proper bottle.

We have to destroy the immortal in order to save her.
>> No. 46925
[x] Sergei detect unique opportunity for science! Do nothing.
>> No. 46943
[x] Sergei knows one place Chrysalid is not armored! Will turn tables.
Which place would that be?
>> No. 46950
[X] Sergei knows one place Chrysalid is not armored! Will turn tables.

I have been thinking what to vote for since SCIENCE! is tempting for finding out what may happen when an immortal becomes infected, but then I thought of the possible downsides of an immortal being infected.
Blasting them both sounds like the safest way to do it, but we still need Mookie to storm the command room/other last bastion inside the ship and take all their grenades and heavy weapons fire before the not-so immortal rest of the team enters.
If this not-armoured place fails Sergei can probably still just blast both to protect himself from harm, but if possible I would like for Mookie to survive this one encounter. Who knows how many Chrysalids lie in waiting to sneak up on us when we are out of TUs...

>>46943
The eyes, obviously.
>> No. 46978
[X] Sergei knows one place Chrysalid is not armored! Will turn tables.
>> No. 46988
>>46950

Ahem.


>Chrysalids. Is possibly worst thing to fight. You remember when I say that aliens have armor on eyeballs?

>This is Chrysalids. Armor on eyeballs.

[x]Mookie does good job. Found Alien! Now blow them to bits, sort out Mookie from Alien later, sweep into proper bottle.
>> No. 46991
>>46988
I know, that was the joke.
>> No. 47011
>>46904
[X] Sergei knows one place Chrysalid is not armored! Will turn tables.
Let us save Mookie's eventual sacrifice for a little bit. Use it when it'll be more useful/hilarious
>> No. 47012
>>47011

[X] Mookie does good job. Found Alien! Now blow them to bits, sort out Mookie from Alien later, sweep into proper bottle.

There is no better place to sacrifice Mookie than in front of a Chrysalid.
>> No. 47034
File 134829760750.jpg - (729.62KB , 1920x1080 , Konachan_com - 144987 konpaku_youmu navel tagme th.jpg ) [iqdb]
47034
[X] Sergei knows one place Chrysalid is not armored! Will turn tables.



For a moment, I consider this is odd. Was Sectoid operating base. Sectoids do not normally have Chryssalids. Sectoids have Cyberdisks of plasma lasers and self-destruct explosives.

One time Sergeant Youmu try to hack at Cyberdisk, and it explodes. Sergei had to drag Youmu's flaming body away. And then go back for her arm. X-Com surgical team is best in world, but this is not something Sergei wants to experience.

I have become distracted again, so, right. Chryssalids. Not normally something you see in Sectoid base. So, I do extremely stupid thing. I do extremely stupid thing to protect Mookie, who cannot even die. I do stupid thing, when I can die. I run up to Chryssalid. I remember thinking, well, there cannot be armor everywhere.

I am right and I am wrong. There is armor everywhere on outside of Chryssalid. There is, however, no armor in mouth of Chryssalid. And like stupid alien it is, it roars because it is thinking 'I am the strongest'. Well, no, alien. Sergei is the strongest. And the stupidest. This is how Sergei has arm halfway into Chryssalid mouth, with laser SMG. And is shooting through soft, unarmored mouth into soft, unarmored brain.

Sergei has made some exceedingly poor decisions in his life. I am now standing here, hand in Chryssalid mouth, covered in Chryssalid blood, and, worst of all, have Mookie looking at me like I am her savior. She is all starry-eyed and flushed of face.

Sergei is not having a good day.



You know what the best part of aliens is? The part where I blow them to smithereens. Taping the laser SMG to my autocannon so they both shoot is the BEST THING EVER. Now I have DOUBLE THE BULLETS. Except, now, half the bullets are also LASERS.

I am Lieutenant Cirno, and I love my job.

The two vodka-stealing harlots are behind me, sniping aliens that run out. Well, they would, if any made it past my hail of fire. Which is kind of odd. Normally aliens do not run out in what looks like abject terror, but Sergei's probably giving them hell up top. It doesn't matter! They're all dying, and I can make alien sushi later.

It is the BEST.

So, eventually, aliens stop running out. I think they've figured out that the hail of bullets is bad times for them. That's fine! I'll just go in and smoke them out. And by “smoke them out”, I mean that I'll just load incendiary ammunition and make the inside of the base a blazing inferno.

I do love a barbecue.



Is odd. Normally alien bases are dim, but not pitch black. This is probably not a good sign. Eh. Is base full of aliens, nothing tends to be good sign.

“Um, uh, Sergei?”

Oh God. “Yes, Mookie?”

“So, uh, I, um... Thanks for saving my life. Even though you didn't have to or anything.”

Best way to handle this is silence. Absolute silence. Sergeant Youmu is shooting me glances, and making smirky face. This is unacceptable. You will get yours, Sergeant. Just wait until we play cards again.

“So, uh, I, um, when we get back to base...”

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO



[ ] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie)
[ ] Team 2 proceeds in first. (Cirno, Toyohime, Yorihime)
[ ] Write-in.
>> No. 47035
[x] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie)

There's no way this can go wrong!
>> No. 47037
[x] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie)
>> No. 47038
[x] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie)

Ha, what is Mokou offering? This will end well. For somebody.
>> No. 47040
[ ] Team 2 proceeds in first. (Cirno, Toyohime, Yorihime)

Special extra punishment for Squaddies.
>> No. 47042
[ ] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie).

Of course we had to save her, if she doesn't get enough EXP she'll only be a meatshield, and it's no good if the first thing she always does is dying.
>> No. 47043
[X] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie).

Let's kill some aliens.
>> No. 47044
[x] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie)

Now is perfect time for Mookie shut up and lead way.
>> No. 47045
[ ] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie)
>> No. 47046
[X] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie).

All I wish for Christmas is Sergei saving her yet again now.
>> No. 47047
[x] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie)

Is it possible to have a tsundere MC?

Let's find out!
>> No. 47053
[X] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie)
As much as I would love some more Dakka-Cirno, Sergei in an uncomfortable position wins for me.
>> No. 47191
Man. Been playing way too much X-Com to update this in any reasonable timeframe. Between that, my main story, AND the competition (which I entered in), it's inevitable something gets ignored. This is it, unfortunately. I will continue writing this, and it'll continue being sporadic as hell. Hopefully it's still fun to read, though.
>> No. 47196
>>47191
I am also playing the new XCOM.
>12GB install
>8GB is movies
Fucking why.
>> No. 47361
[N] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie)
>> No. 47942
File 135795875856.jpg - (121.59KB , 1024x576 , 48a3972b244a0c6b7bb110c448105da2.jpg ) [iqdb]
47942
Comrades! I am returned from long time of being gone. I have more stories to tell, so sit and stay a while.

[X] Team 1 proceeds in first. (Sergei, Youmu, Mookie)

I decide to put Mookie on point, and bring up rear myself. This has twofold advantage: first, if Chryssalid should jump us again, Mookie takes brunt of attack. Second, Youmu is between Mookie and I. This way, she stops looking at me all starry-eyed.

Is bad for Sergei's morale. I can already tell this will be a two-bottle mission.

As I consider ramifications of this on current vodka supply at base, Youmu stops Mookie. “Shh. Hold on a second. I hear something.” Is very quiet. Then I hear sound of Sectoid screaming. Is odd sound: it is not coming from where I hear Tiny Lieutenant making ruckus. This is upstairs. Is very strange indeed.

Youmu looks at me and motions forward. I nod. We continue onward into darkness, entry of base disappearing behind us. I like Sergeant Youmu. Is very professional. I am wishing I had thermal sights for my weapon, instead of just Squaddies having them. We reach door of base: apparently entry point is just corridor.

Mookie takes side of door without opener. Youmu takes side of door with opener. I load explosive rounds into cannon, and face door. Youmu mashes button, door slides open. I do not even see what is behind door, I simply begin firing. After three shots, sound of explosives rings in base, there is a bit of dust. Mookie detaches a electroflare and tosses it inside.

Room is gratifyingly full of alien ichor and body parts. Which is kind of odd. Normally HE cannon shells do not do much to Chryssalid. Sure, multiple do things. But AP is really only reliable way to take out armored carapace bullshit. And these Chryssalid parts have plasma burns.

“Mookie. Make sure nothing in there lives. Fire laser as many times as you need to make sure.” Mookie walks into room very slowly. I watch as she nudges Sectoid corpse with foot, and then blasts it with laser as it rolls over. This happens multiple times. Sectoid corpses with slashes, and plasma-burned Chryssalid corpses.

“There was a fight here.” Sergeant Youmu apparently come to same conclusion as me.

Mookie isn't so sure. “Well, we did lob a bunch of HE in here...”

Youmu walks in and kicks over a Chryssalid corpse. “No, you see these? These are plasma burns. These are from alien weaponry.”

Mookie squats down to get a closer look. “Oh. So, aliens fighting each other?”

“Yes. Is strange thing. I have never seen Sectoids with Chryssalids before.” Mookie and Youmu turn to me. I spread hands. “And maybe now we know why.”

Youmu grabs dislocated arm of Chryssalid. It is like small scythe. A stupid-shaped weapon, really. She pokes Mookie with it. “Oooh, now you're a zombie!”

“Quit it.”

“Sergei! You've got to put her down before she turns into more Chryssalids and kills us all!”

“Stop it! Sergei, does that really happen?”

“Yes, Mookie. It happens. If even one scratch from Chryssalid- it means baby Chryssalid is inside you. It does not take long to grow. Is very unpleasant way to die, I assure you. I would be doing you a favor, shooting you.”

“Oh... I, uh, you'd do that for me?” Mookie is blushing again. For sake of fuck. “You- you'd save me from that, Sergei?”

Fuck. Three bottles tonight. “Yes. I would do this thing for you.” Youmu smirks at me. I glare, and am about to say something when skittering sound happens, and we all immediately grab weapons. Mookie does not even panic fire. I think she may be improving.

Skittering sound is seeming to come from vents. What do?

[ ] Evacuate to doorway. Ignite room in cleansing fire of incendiary rocket and ammunition.
[ ] Wait and watch. Get jump on fucker with AP when it comes out of vent.
[ ] Bait Mookie! Have Mookie poke head into vent. Youmu use baseball bat of stunning on it when it comes for Mookie. Get live alien. Maybe. Or maybe we all die.
[ ] Tiny Lieutenant to the rescue?
[ ] Write-in.
>> No. 47943
[X] Wait and watch. Get jump on fucker with AP when it comes out of vent.

overwatch spam ftw
>> No. 47944
Oh god it continues

[X] Tiny Lieutenant to the rescue?
>> No. 47948
[x] Tiny Lieutenant to the rescue?
Tiny lieutenant best lieutenant.
>> No. 47958
[x] Wait and watch. Get jump on fucker with AP when it comes out of vent.

Overwatch makes a mockery of Chrysalids
>> No. 47966
[N] Wait and watch. Get jump on fucker with AP when it comes out of vent.
FUCK YEAH IT'S BACK!
>> No. 47983
[x] Wait and watch. Get jump on fucker with AP when it comes out of vent.

So for all the annoying starry-eyed looks, her morale must be on the roof right now.

Also, is the 'new' X-Com any good?
>> No. 47986
>>47983

It's certainly different, and there are a few maps where the camera angles will frustrate you to no end. It's also got some obvious console-port UI... idiosyncrasies.

That being said, it certainly offers the X-Com experience of escalating attacks and RNG bullshit on both your side and that of the enemy. The class system, despite its detractors, goes a very long way in making your veterans feel individual and heroic in their own way, and the fresh meat be hilariously easy to get killed in new and amusing ways.

[x] Wait and watch. Get jump on fucker with AP when it comes out of vent.

In before everyone shoots the one Sectoid that pops out only to get raped by the Muton Berserker that comes through the wall.
>> No. 47987
>>47966
Sergei was never gone. Sergei writes other story, and this is story for when I want to write, but only has been one or two days between updates.

>>47983
Is pretty good. Not as many rookies to throw in grinder, and I miss base defense mission. Is a bit too scripted to make me happy, but you cannot have everything, eh?

>>47986
OH, YOU WANT TO ZOOM OUT UP A LEVEL INSIDE UFO? NO, FUCK YOU
>> No. 47991
God, the bloody zoom.
Worst thing about enemy unknown, everything else is pretty good, IMO.

I just wish there were a ton of extra mission types or variable things. It feels kind of short if you aren't into replaying it and optimizing strategies and seeing what hand the RNG deals you.
>> No. 47998
>>47983
It is not great. Lots of bugs on launch, there is no point using any strategy aside from 'research guns before armor' and 'pick NA for home base and put your first satellite over Russia', and about 75% of the install size is 1080p cutscene movies.
I pirated it, played through the story once, and deleted it feeling absolutely no remorse.
>>47987
Cute mechs doing cute things got dropped, yes?
>> No. 48003
[x] Evacuate to doorway. Ignite room in cleansing fire of incendiary rocket and ammunition.

Chryssalids don't need no water, and neither do we.
>> No. 48012
>>47987
I said "it", not "he", you silly-billy.
>> No. 48014
>>47998
It did. I still like the idea, but it's something I really want to a: wait for it to actually finish the season, and b: plan it out and do it right (because I'd originally envisioned it as something as a cross between BT/GuP/Somali pirates due to those city ships.) And I really should have thought of how I was going to get to Somali pirates from where I started without grimderping it to all hell.
>> No. 48029
>>47998

>research guns before armor

Some things are even better than guns early on, like MOAR SATELLITES.

>pick NA for home base and put your first satellite over Russia

Pfft, Africa for that passive income makes your startup so much smoother than air superiority in the opening stages of the game.

True enough about replay value (it isn't so great) but there are lots of ways to play the game itself. (Fully upgraded tanks, for example, are surprisingly viable.)

Sage for completely off topic.
>> No. 48031
>>48029
>50% more dosh
>or half-price aircraft and the highest base income in the game
Uh yeah. Africa is almost pointless. The only continent worse is Asia. Oooh, half-price squad upgrades! That gets me... oh it just saves me some money. That I don't actually need to spend anyway.
Half-priced workshops and labs, and instant interrogations and autopsies, are much better for the mid game.
>> No. 48032
>>48031
Everyone know South America is worst continent. Is shittiest bonus.

Also I believe standard country income is at least a little randomized. I am certain, however, that there is an option in Second Wave where country income is entirely randomized.

You should choose this option.
>> No. 48033
[X] Wait and watch. Get jump on fucker with AP when it comes out of vent.

Yeah, I played the new XCOM, and as has been stated, not a whole lot of replay value.

Something that did make it feel genuine for me, though. I was playing the tutorial missions, getting the feel of the game, and in the second mission or so, you're encouraged to fire a rocket at a building to kill a couple of sectoids. So, I bring up my heavy and target the building. 95% chance of hitting with the rocket launcher. So, I click "fire"...

Miss.

Rocket goes at a goddamned 45 degree angle from where I want it to go. Felt just like the original game.
>> No. 48142
File 135923711652.jpg - (106.27KB , 850x561 , 1347148417159.jpg ) [iqdb]
48142
[X] Wait and watch. Get jump on fucker with AP when it comes out of vent.

X-Com base have small theater for entertainment of personnel and distraction from desperate battle against invaders from space. Sergei sometime wander into this place after communion with Vodka and has absorbed much cinema in time required to grope way out of dark room with unfamiliar layout. Yankee horror film always have rattle of vent and great fear come from this. Same with horde of rat. Is very confuse – in Russia of Sergei's youth horde of rat rattle inside air vents all times and Sergei never came to harm.

But Lieutenant Youmu and Best Rookie never know joy of Soviet childhood and so get very excited. Mookie reach into pocket and produce device of motion sensing. Is strange device invented by X-COM scientist. Uses many sensors and strange computer algorithm to find things that move close by. Sergei does not need this. If sight line is blocked, autocannon removes block. But other squaddies adore sensor, watch it with worship bordering on paranoia. Sometimes damn thing give more terror then aliens.

Like now. “It's – it's moving this way!” Mookie exclaims, pointing at little blob on screen.

“How far?!” Youmu ask, raising stun rod in double-hand grip and taking fighting stance, looking around room at all air vents.

“Twelve meters,” Mookie says, studying screen like Gospel of Lenin.

Youmu's hands squeak on stun rod as she twists and tightens grip, eyes cutting back and forth, scanning room.

“Nine meters,” Mookie says, her voice tense and sweat dripping from brow. She draws her laser SMG. Muzzle is wobbling much.

“Remember, short, controlled bursts,” Youmu tell Mookie, without much hope.

“Seven meters. Six,” Mookie squeaks.

“That's inside the room!” Youmu declares, backing up and looking around nervously.

Sergei is tired of moron squaddies scaring each other with plastic toy. Sergei slap new clip of armor-piercing ammo into autocannon and waits for squaddies to shut up for split second.

Scratching-banging-slithering sound comes from ceiling.

“It's coming,” Youmu says, sweat pouring from face.

Scratchbangslither sound becomes louder - head right for Sergei and squaddies with slow and ominous advance.

“They're coming out of the walls!” Mookie screams, waving laser SMG around like magic broom of dispel scary.

I yawn, aim cannon, and fire.

Now Sergei tell you something of armor-piercing shell of autocannon. Does not penetrate through force of shell strike – man cannot carry cannon of Tank and fire without cannon embedding in chest! Shell fly slow, with weak power. Power is inside shell. Shaped-charge focus most of blast in one direction, through copper plate. In this way explosive punch gaping hole in thickest armor like molten metal fist of righteous Boom God. Sergei tell you this so you understand, explosions solve every problem, every time. No need for other weapons.

Today explosive-piercing shells solve problem of alien scaring squaddies. Burst of 20mm shells punching huge holes through aliem-alloy ceiling cover, vent behind ceiling, rock behind vent, with many asplode of loud and glorious violence, this deter alien. Alien stops with scratchbangslither. Alien now scurry away with frantic scratching of rat scared shitless. Sergei put more shells into ceiling behind alien.

Scurrying moves left.

Sergei shoots ceiling.

Scurrying moves right.

Sergei shoots ceiling.

Scurrying stops completely.

Sergei shoots ceiling.

Large section of ceiling finally surrenders as vent and ceiling and rock all crack and tumble from above, cascading down. In center of floor is Sectoid.

Sergei look into huge alium eyes and see own reflection – scary man with huge gun standing very tall, face terrible and mighty. Sergei knows this moment. Sergei knows what to say.

“Welcome to E-”

-massive blast of flame obscures my vision as heat bakes face. Fire lasts only moment, but so fierce that only little pile of smoking ash is left of Sectoid.

Mookie is grinning and looking very pleased with self. “You smoke them out and I burn them up. We...” Mookie smiles at me. “We make a good team.”

Is not enough Vodka in all of base for this day. “Is not hard,” I say. “Sergei do this at home many times as child. It is simple.”

Because I am looking anywhere but at Best Rookie and Smirking Bitch With Stun-Rod, I see shadow shift in hallway outside. I clamp hand over Mookie's mouth and listen.

I hear strange sound.

Not good sound.

In fact, worst sound.

Cyberdisc sound.

-

I am Lieutenant Cirno, and I am the best soldier ever.

I was always the strongest, but now all those smartasses are finally realizing it too. Mookie can't tell one end of a gun from another – she calls the ejector the muzzle and the gripper the 'stock,' like she's shelving supplies at her stupid chicken-stand. So she keeps casting pissweak fire magic like she's back in Gensyoko having another cat-fight with Kaguya. Youmu comes here and goes racing around with a POKEY-SHOCKY-STICK because Bushido Swordy Code Elegant Art of Slicy-Dicey Sticks I'm A Huge Moron Please Plasma My Face. At least Toyo and Yori know how to shoot actual guns, so when they got here with crates of limp-wristed girly weapons like paper fans that explode or something, and find out the humans have GIGANTIC TOWERS OF STEEL THAT FLY INTO SPACE ON PILLARS OF FIRE AND DROP LIKE SEVEN GIGANTIC ASPLODES THAT SCREAM IN FROM ORBIT AT A ZILLION SPEEDS A SECOND they switched to using REAL weapons... but just ones they already knew how to use.

But me?

I evolutionized! I learned! I embraced the huge world of exploding deathblasters and made them my own because I'm SMART. I put a gun on my gun, so I could shoot while I shoot – that's TWICE THE SHOOTY. And just now, as I was hosing down terrified Sectoids, I saw the lasers from the laser-SMG were hitting some of my bullets in mid-flight and melting them into liquid leaden death, so that's THREE times the shooty. That's as many as three... uh, shitloads of death and that is fucking awesome.

It's quiet now and I'm out of aliens to shoot at and that's boring. Sergei isn't out yet, either, which isn't good – he already scared all the aliens out, so the place should be cleaned out by now. If he's in trouble he'll need my help because Youmu and Mookie are hopeless.

Dunno about the Loonie chicks though. They both carry swords (stupid) and the laser SMGs (good) and if they taped the swords to the laser SMGs (VERY good) they might be useful inside, close-in. One laser-tank survived – I could bring that, instead. Or ride it – like a pony! A laser-shooting death-pony! Best pony.

[ ] Bring the Laser Tank!
[ ] Bring the Loonie Chicks!
>> No. 48143
[x] Bring the Laser Tank!
Da dada DAA DAA
>> No. 48147
[x] Bring the Laser Tank!

Tank and Cirno Vs Cyberdisk!
>> No. 48148
File 135926431746.jpg - (19.88KB , 350x242 , Failure given form and tracks.jpg ) [iqdb]
48148
>>48142
Cirno's a fucking Ork.
[X]Tank.
I expect pic related
>> No. 48149
[X]Tank.

I am sad Marisa is not here.
>> No. 48151
[x] Laser Tank

here comes the cavalry, cirno riding in on her noble steed
>> No. 48155
[x] Bring the Laser Tank!

It's official. Cirno is the best soldier EVER.
>> No. 48158
[x] Drive me closer, I want to shoot them myself.

That means.

[x] Bring the LASER TANK.

This Cirno is glorious.
>> No. 48192
>>48148
A Lee? A fucking Lee? You think Tiny Lieutenant drives shitty capitalist tank?

You get one more guess, Anon. One. More.
>> No. 48214
File 135957426420.jpg - (908.96KB , 1920x1080 , wallpaper-download-free-is-7-w-36306.jpg ) [iqdb]
48214
>>48192

Here is proper, SOVIET tank.
>> No. 48216
>>48214
At least until the engine vibrations break the welds and the whole thing falls to pieces.
>> No. 48226
>>48214

Someone with epic photoshop skillz should modify it to look like that " Feed me Chen Chechens" tank
>> No. 48235
File 135966393629.jpg - (248.06KB , 640x480 , SovietMammothTank.jpg ) [iqdb]
48235
>>48214

Did someone say Soviet Tank?
>> No. 48238
File 135967629695.jpg - (113.26KB , 800x550 , Christmas Tonk.jpg ) [iqdb]
48238
>>48192
No! I Expect Stinking capitalist Techies!

Russian tanks do pic related.
>> No. 48255
File 135982771473.jpg - (393.95KB , 2770x866 , Cirno Tonk.jpg ) [iqdb]
48255
>> No. 48544
File 136269382495.png - (12.01KB , 500x400 , fuck you moon bitch.png ) [iqdb]
48544
>>48142
id say moon-bitches, simply so they can probably(hopfuly) die, and we can get better non-vodka stealing squadies
>> No. 48545
>>48544
Sage you goddamn moron. While you're at it, stop acting like an eight year old and type properly.
>> No. 48626
>>48544
>Chemically-driven projectiles
>On the moon

...Goddammit.
>> No. 48627
>>48626
Quite a few firearms work just fine in vacuum. Temperature-related jams are the main concern.
>> No. 49578
File 136737894740.jpg - (945.16KB , 1500x2000 , 4e2b828e3f82fe2717531f780fab1b5c.jpg ) [iqdb]
49578
[X] Bring the Laser Tank!

I fling self backwards with instincts of expert soldier, with tight grip on Mookie pressing her to front as extra armor protection. As I strike ground dragging Mookie with me, blast of green plasma sears air inches above Mookie's face.

Cyberdisc has arrived.

Plasma blasts punch through alium-alloy walls with no problem as Cyberdisc widens entrance. I roll to side and hurry to reload heavy cannon. Cyberdisc is blocking only doorway and in tight quarters explosive satchel or grenade is suicide.

Suddenly I recall who is carrying explosives.

I swiftly plant elbows on Mookie, one between shoulders, one in small of back, like sandbags at gun range, make sure she cannot rise and do anything stupid. Sergei keep head low, line sights on door and wait for Cyberdisc to enter.

At this time Sergeant Youmu set off smoke grenade.

Smoke grenades seems to Sergei like waste of space in cramped Skyranger. Smoke is for to hide from alien. Usually alien hides from Sergei. But this time smoke grenades prove useful. X-COM smoke grenade is of advanced design; does not leak smoke of pretty color but asplode with force, spread smoke in great area very quickly, and fill with tiny hot specks of aluminum foil. Grenade take radar and laser radar and heat sensor and fuck them all like ten-ruble whore. I shuffle backward, dragging prone Mookie as Cyberdisc fires blind through smoke above.

Terrible squiggly hum-sound comes as Cyberdisc floats inside to find us. Terrible battle cry rips through smoke and nasty zapping sounds are heard.

Cyberdisc hum stops.

I slide forward carefully, shoving prone Mookie in front of me, until I see dark silhouette of triumphant Youmu standing upon silent Cyberdisc, resting palm on stun-rod like cane, looking like English capitalist on safari.

“I told you it would work,” Sergeant Youmu say with great satisfaction.

I count to five.

Unholy creation of alien invader continues to not explode.

“Good work,” I say, impressed. Perhaps now Command will listen to Sergei’s idea for anti-Cyberdisc dogs. Sergeant Youmu complained, called it cruel. Is true. Sergei would prefer use Chechens, but they cannot be trained.

I step over Cyberdisc quickly, hauling Best Rookie along. Again in hallway, Sergei evaluates situation with expert mind of experienced soldier.

Base half-explored. Many alien units of Terror swarming through unknown hallways. Chryssalids and Cyberdiscs together in same base. Aliums fighting each other. Support tanks destroyed or late.

“Squaddies,” I say, “we are lea-“

“-GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” Mookie exclaim with much drama, hair flying out as flame wreath her body. Best Rookie goes bolting down hallway, magic out and hair afire.

Sergeant Youmu display proper prudence, detach new electroflare and hurl down hallway ahead of Best Rookie.

Lands at feet of Chryssalid.

Best Rookie fall on ass like man doing slide in game of Baseballs, shoes leaving black skid marks as she reverse direction faster then German fortunes in Great Patriotic War. “SERGEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIII~!” Mookie scream as she bolt towards me in horrible panic. No doubt she imagine horrors of zombie-babies exploding from her like in American movie about aliums.

Sergei does not prefer AP shell for Chryssalid and Laser SMG requires excessively intimate quarters. But Mookie has explosive satchels. I spread arms wide and catch Mookie in bear hug, pin her with one arm while detach HE from her harness with other. Chryssalid roars and charges, swinging scythe-arms as it barrel down hallway. I judge distance and set short fuze.

Chryssalid run through intersection and vanish in orgy of fiery explosion and green alium blood. Smoking lump come sliding out of intersection and gently bumps my boot. Then I hear very familiar humming. Humming of second Cyberdisc.

Now Sergei tell you about Cyberdisc. Cyberdisc is worst nightmare from darkest hell. Is flying robot, like Yankee drones of prey. It has no soul and explodes when it dies, like Chechen. Reflexes are perfect, can shoot flies out of air like Chinese kung-fu master. Shaped like flat plate, is skinny like Japanese soldier and hard to hit. Armor is like German Flak Tower, shells of armor-piercing barely work, and normal explosive even worse. Is almost everything Sergei hates in one package. Even I, Sergei, care about Cyberdisc.

But high explosive satchel does not care.

I prime bomb and fling it at intersection, satchel sliding along floor and detonating right under Cyberdisc as it floats around corner. Alien-metal floor reflect most of blast straight up and wide, flat bottom of Cyberdisc is perfect shape to absorb almost all of it. Robot is smashed against ceiling by sheer force of blast. Cyberdisc explodes, pieces fall to floor and then they explode too.

I smile. Is good day when Sergei gets to blow up alien.

“Wow,” says Mookie, who is still hugging me. I am not hugging her. I never hugged her. She does not seem to know this. She looks up at me like I am extra sausage ration, wonder in her eyes. I try to peel her off, but Best Rookie is stronger then she looks, and I do not have good angle.

“Sergei, I...”

Oh, no.

“I think...”

No. No, no no no no no. Best Rookie is dumber then Polish boulder, to think what I know she is thinking. Is dumber then Polish boulder that believe newspapers to think she can think. Sergei prepares great blow to smash Mookie unconscious against wall and stop stupidity when, from hall behind, comes sounds.

Alien sounds.

More fucking Cyberdisc sounds.

And Mookie has all the explosives.

How many bottles of Vodka now, you may wonder?

None, is answer.

Sergei is beyond bottles, now.

I move like man in bad dream, resigned to fate worse then death as I grab Mookie again and reach for next bomb. In middle of alien base with flying robot nightmares from darkest hell bearing down and she is BLUSHING. There is nothing, I think, nothing that can kill her stupid infatuation now.



And then the wall exploded as Cirno blew through it holding a gigantic minigun and straddling a gigantic penis ejaculating lasers, waving a cowboy hat that she got from SOMEWHERE and hollering.

Well, it was the mini-tanks, but... yeah.

Sergei is agape, looking at the tiny Lieutenant, while Mokou holds onto him ever stronger. Cirno looks right at me. “HEY YOUMU! LET'S MURDERIZE SOME ALIEN BITCHES!”

Sergei can't hold in his laughter, and breaks down, still trying to push Mokou off of him. I smile. “So good to see you, Lieutenant. Where's the Squaddies?”

She shrugs. “Still out front shooting aliens that tried to run away from me. I think they've got the entry pretty well covered.”

“Oh good...”

[ ] ...This means we can leave and call down the orbital strike.”
[ ] ...This means we can go in and murder some aliens, without worrying about covering our backs.”
[ ] Write-in.
>> No. 49579
[ ] ...This means we can go in and murder some aliens, WHILE worrying about covering our backs. Preferably slowly and conserving time units for some reaction shots.
>> No. 49580
[X] ...This means we can go in and murder some aliens, WHILE worrying about covering our backs. Preferably slowly and conserving time units for some reaction shots.

It updated! Generic exclamations denoting happiness!
>> No. 49595
[x] ...This means we can leave and call down the orbital strike.”
We got the loots, made HORRIBLE DISCOVERIES, and succeeded to not dying.
Excellently successful mission. Quit while still have heads.
>> No. 49598
[x] ...This means we can go in and murder some aliens, without worrying about covering our backs.”

Still need to recover goodies. Like intact cyberdisc.
>> No. 49632
[x] ...This means we can leave and call down the orbital strike.”

like Sergei said WE ARE LEAVING!
>> No. 49705
[x] ...This means we can leave and call down the orbital strike.”

Is best way to be sure.
>> No. 49711
[x] ...This means we can go in and murder some aliens, without worrying about covering our backs.”

There's an undamaged cyberdisk in there.
>> No. 49720
[X] ...This means we can go in and murder some aliens, WHILE worrying about covering our backs.
>> No. 49728
>>49711
Not a problem. We tie it to the tank, roll out, and call in the orbital strike.
>> No. 49731
[x] ...This means we can leave and call down the orbital strike.”

And grab that cyberdisk on the way out!
>> No. 49796
[x] ...This means we can go in and murder some aliens, without worrying about covering our backs.”

Is it wrong i want us to murderize everything in the base before we leave? Then nuke it from orbit Juuuust to be sure we've killed it? And also to watch the pretty explosions?
>> No. 56505
File 138533505584.jpg - (71.51KB , 736x904 , FUKKEN XENOS.jpg ) [iqdb]
56505
You may think this story is dead.

That is okay.

Sergei is here to correct false assumptions.

-

“...That means we can go in and murder some aliens, without worrying about covering our backs,” Sergei says.

“Hell yeah!” Tiny Lieutenant cheers, hopping off Penis Tank and holding minigun up in spindly twig arms. “Let's vaporize some motherfuckers!”

“If we scrub them all out, I can get this little beauty home,” Sergeant Youmu says, giving disabled Cyberdisc prod with stun stick. “Let's do it.”

Then Mookie clear throat, looking up at Sergei with starry eyes. “With you behind me, Sergei, I think I could do anything!”

Sergei scream internally, but forces self to march onward, dragging Mookie along for ride. As Sergei takes point and everyone, even Tiny Lieutenant and Shitty Plastic Penis Tank, follow behind, I think that advancing into alien hellhole of Cyberdisc and Chryssalid is stupid idea! On other hand, perhaps alien shoot Mookie, so I get chance to carry her back to base in little tube; alien might also shoot Sergei, but even that is better than having Mookie cling 'round chest with retard crush.

Yes, Sergei would rather die.

Mookie is that horrible.

And also she is still holding on.

Sergei sighs. “Mookie, you cannot-” I choke little bit at horrible taste of next words. “We cannot be team if you stay on me.”

“Oh. Oh!” Mookie says, releasing hold and bringing tiny gun up. “I gotcha, Sergei! We can do this!”

Sergei will be needing keg when returned to base, because every word out of worst rookie's mouth make Sergei die little in heart.

“Cover me, guys, I'll take point!” Mookie says, following stupid word with stupid action. At least she is away from Sergei, now.

Sergeant Youmu handles electroflare duty, tossing flares ahead and scooping them up when squad passes them. Mookie does not so much as shake as we go, although she steals glances back whenever idiot thinks I am not looking at her, which, if Sergei had anything to say about it, would be all the time.

Tiny Lieutenant readjusts cowboy hat, fixes me with wide grin. “So, Sergei! Looks like you've been kicking some real ass!”

“Also Chryssalids,” I say, “Aliens kill each other, save us trouble.”

“What, really?”

Sergei nods. “Really.”

“So we got one big clusterfuck of friendly fire?”

“Pretty much.” Sergeant Youmu says.

Tiny Lieutenant pumps a fist. “Awesome!”

We round corner as one, and Mookie promptly sprays burst of laser fire at Sectoid standing in hallway; every shot flies around alien in spectacular defiance of law of Dakka.

“SERGEEEEEEEI!” She wails, spinning to run back as tiny alien turns to shoot. Sergei bring cannon up to annihilate little Gray, but Chryssalid leaps from vent in ceiling and puts all stabbing bits in other alien.

“Everyone, is unique opportunity for science!” I say, sidestepping as Mookie dives for safety of strong Russian arms but instead finds wall with face.

Chryssalid charges squad, waving arms like fat boy in soccer practice trying to get ball passed his way, but Tiny Lieutenant uses superior brain and firepower to shred moron alien that decided claw was better weapon than gun. Sectoid, meanwhile, lurches around like American rookies at base after Sergei, in poor decision, shared Finest Soviet Vodka.

Was not mistake Sergei made twice, I assure you.

Also much like American rookies at base, Sectoid's skin melts off as it vomits up miniature Sectoid Chryssalid.

Except rookies simply vomited everywhere instead of puking up other rookies.

And also their skin did not actually melt off.

Sergei may have been drunk at the time.

Anyway, Sergei squints as little alien stumbles around like potato-wielding Chechen guerilla, with niggling suspicion it has as many brains.

“...I think it's a little slow in the head.” Sergeant Youmu says, idly twirling stun-rod in off hand as the alien bumps headfirst into wall.

Sectoid Chryssalid looks up at party, blinks once, then does thing Sergei has never seen from Chryssalid.

Sectoid Chryssalid runs away from heavily-armed X-COM squad, faster even than Chechen.

Everyone opens fire, including Sergei, and even Shitty Tank chips in with little help; when dust clears, all that is left of alien is two little stubby feet.

“Not today, too fast!” Tiny Lieutenant says, and she blows smoke off minigun.

“Mookie!” Sergei says, and worst rookie jumps upright with flaming quickness. “Back on point!”

Mookie gives salute, still too shaken to give idiot speech about teamwork, and follows orders with blessed silence.

Everyone is very quiet as we advance until squad hits closed door, and sounds of Chryssalid and Cyberdisc float through. Also sound of dying Sectoids and hissing of Snakemen, which explains Chryssalids.

Sergei takes point, walks into hellhole of Cyberdisc and Chryssalid.

Unlike what Sergei expected, there is Chryssalid riding top of Cyberdisc, holding what appears to be alien fire-extinguisher in one claw, plasma pistol in other, as it screeches incomprehensible Chryssalid war-cry. Plasma bolts fly as it and Cyberdisc blast Sectoids and Snakemen indiscriminately.

Sergei takes deep breath, then turns around and walks back out.

Sergei does not stop.

“S-Sergei!” Mookie cries as I walk past. “Where are you going?”

“Sergei is done,” I say, eyes bulging out. “There is no Sergei now. Sergei is done for today.”

“Oh no you don't!” Tiny Lieutenant roars, before boot smashes into back of my knee; as leg buckles, Tiny Lieutenant darts in front of me and holds fist in front of my nose. “You are gonna go in there, and you are gonna massacre them! Are we clear?

“Sergei is your superior officer.” I say, not unkindly. “Sergei could court-martial you with heavy cannon. All that would be left of you could fit in little tube used for Mookie.”

Tiny Lieutenant does not back down. “Y'said it yourself, Sergei's done for today! And if that's the case, all I see here is a fuckface rookie who's panicking!”

“Not panic.” I correct. “Done. Is important difference!”

How?

I point into room, where Chryssalid poses like Japanese steamroller vampire from Tiny Lieutenant's comics. “Done means someone else can handle crazy alien riding Cyberdisc like American rodeo bull.”

-

[ ] Lieutenant Cirno! SHOOT EVERYTHING.

[ ] Hm. Chryssalid shows talent for madcap X-Com tactics. Perhaps Sergeant Youmu can recruit with stun-rod?

[ ] Shove Mookie into room, shut door, use Shitty Tank to barricade.

[ ] IT IS TIME FOR ORBITAL BOMBARD.

[ ] Write-in.
>> No. 56509
Only now did Sergei notice he had forgotten to put witty quip in subject line.

Is unacceptable.

So here is belated line for previous words.
>> No. 56511
Oh, how I has missed this! Also, I fully understand Segei's actions here. Sometimes, you just have to walk away. With that said:


[x] Lieutenant Cirno! SHOOT EVERYTHING.

Because the solution to any problem is massive amounts of firepower.
>> No. 56512
[x] Hm. Chryssalid shows talent for madcap X-Com tactics. Perhaps Sergeant Youmu can recruit with stun-rod?

This is a terrible, terrible plan
>> No. 56513
File 138534295634.jpg - (92.15KB , 800x450 , meet your new teammate.jpg ) [iqdb]
56513
[X] Hm. Chryssalid shows talent for madcap X-Com tactics. Perhaps Sergeant Youmu can recruit with stun-rod?

There is no way letting a goddamn Chryssalid youkai into XCOM is a good idea. That said, there is no way I'm passing this up.
>> No. 56514
[x] Hm. Chryssalid shows talent for madcap X-Com tactics. Perhaps Sergeant Youmu can recruit with stun-rod?

This is a horrible idea, which means that it is also the best idea.
>> No. 56517
[x] take home freaky genocidal alien
>> No. 56518
[x] take home freaky genocidal alien
>> No. 56542
[x] Lieutenant Cirno! SHOOT EVERYTHING.


Comrade Youmu is more important than science project.
It's a Chrysalid. Which is the second worst thing ever.
Riding a Cyberdisk. Which is the worst thing ever.

That is almost as scary as when I landed a group of X-Com soldiers for a terror mission and the first thing they saw when the ramp was lowered was not one, not two, but THREE fucking Cyberdisks camping my landing zone.

Needless to say, I NOPE'd right the fuck out of there.
>> No. 56543
File 138541672844.png - (54.26KB , 640x480 , NOPE.png ) [iqdb]
56543
>>56542
I forgot my photo evidence.
Because, y'know, "pics or it didn't happen".
>> No. 56556
[x] Lieutenant Cirno! SHOOT EVERYTHING.
THEN
[X] IT IS TIME FOR ORBITAL BOMBARD.
>> No. 56597
[x] Hm. Chryssalid shows talent for madcap X-Com tactics. Perhaps Sergeant Youmu can recruit with stun-rod?

Its loyalty or lack thereof aside, it has shown the capability to operate a cyberdisc. Even if the actual alien is hostile, that knowledge will be very useful.
>> No. 56601
Look, I understand that this story wasn't updating and that you wanted to have more. While I did not write all of this story myself, it would not be inaccurate to say I have written the vast majority of it. Please do not use my name for this story like this without asking me first.
>> No. 56602
>>56601

...So that was an imposter doing the update? For real?
>> No. 56604
>>56601
You have to admit, it is a pretty skilled impostor.
>> No. 56605
>>56602
Yes.
>> No. 56607
>>56604
Well, I did think it sounded a bit odd when he referred to himself as "Sergei" instead of "I" with the first line.
>“...That means we can go in and murder some aliens, without worrying about covering our backs,” Sergei says.
When a line was being said, he never referred to himself in third person before, as far as I recall.

Still, the alien impostor trying to steal Sergei's story gets 6/10. Only minor slip-ups in it's impersonation but it forgot to deal with the original, and that's an unforgivable mistake.
>> No. 56610
>>56607

>forgot to deal with the original

In fact, Not-Sergei did check with Actual Sergei!

Problem is, Actual Sergei is two people, as this is collaborative story! Not-Sergei only collaborated with one-half of team, who will be referred to as Sergei 1! Critical mistake, is true. Now I feel like great idiot.

Even worse mistake is that Sergei 1 that Not-Sergei communicated with, while expressing much approval of my imposter ideas, did not write most of story. No, turns out Sergei 2, two post above, wrote most! Confusing, I know.

Worst of all, neither Sergei 1 nor I thought to check with Sergei 2! This is failure to communicate, and also very embarrassing for Not-Sergei! Especially since Sergei 2 knows what name I go by when not writing about coward aliens. Further conversations may prove horrible and awkward.

Not-Sergei is sorry about imposter update. I would remove, but lack password. THP Base Commander may be able to erase my shame.

In plainspeak, I talked with one of the guys on IRC who wrote this. He expressed full approval of my update, but neither of us thought to check with the other guy posting as Actually Sergei up there who, as it turns out, wrote most of the story.

WHOOPS.

>> No. 56611
>>56609
I am not really sure about deletion. I am not happy about this, but also there's the fact that I am not in favor of deleting something that's gotten people to vote for. I'm just sure now that I don't intend to write this story again. I would rather it stay dead, but I'm only half the writing people, so whatever.
>> No. 56615
Remember what Not-Sergei said about horrible and awkward conversations with Sergei 2? Was true!

Will not go into details. Is safest, I think.

All Not-Sergei will say here is that I am very sorry about cluster of fucks that happened. I liked story, it was collaborative, I wanted to collaborate! So I did! Made hideous mistake while doing so, now Sergei 2 feels understandably angry.

Apologies, Sergei 2!

Will not update again unless given blessing.

Apologies, Sergei 1!

Should have thought actions through more, instead of barreling ahead like Chryssalid. Blame is squarely on my shoulders.

Apologies, readers!

Should not have gotten hopes up. Only wish is that imposter update was enjoyable.
>> No. 56616
>>56615
Please drop the accent. It's insulting.
>> No. 56624
I feel like taking sides on this matter would just make things worse, so I'm going to do my best not to. If anon's opinions are wanted though, I'll oblige.

It seems like Sergei 2 would be fine with NotSergei updating as long as a different name is used. I'm assuming the actual character Sergei and his first-person view can stay. He may or may not also wish a new thread to be started, which could be marked as a child of this thread in the archive, to better illustrate the change in authorship.
>> No. 56625
>>56624
No. I would rather this story not be updated at all. If my co-author disagrees with me, then he's more than welcome to update it himself: it is, after all, a collaborative effort that he had a part in. That being said, though, I STRONGLY prefer that an outside writer not write this. If my co-author still wants to have that happen, that's his prerogative. It is my express wish that this story die, though.

Yes, I am taking my ball and going home. I might be overreacting a little, but it is significantly offensive and frustrating to be ignored out-of-hand regarding something I put significant amounts of work into, and more work into than anyone else.
>> No. 56633
File 138553875563.gif - (780.25KB , 325x203 , The only image remotely relevant I could find.gif ) [iqdb]
56633
>>56610
>>56611
>>56615
>>56625

You know, there's all this drama going on in this thread, yet all I can think of is how appropriate the last update is for this whole shitstorm.

>Sergei is done with this shit









...Also, the three of you are retarded. Seriously. To the two idiots who forgot to ask the main writer whether he was ok with this; You know what you did wrong. If you haven't already apologised to Rabbit, then do so. Both of you.


To Rabbit;
>>56625
>I might be overreacting a little
>a little

While the two of them definitely should have talked to you first, it seems pretty clear to me that it was born out of idiocy a brainfart and not out of any sense of malice. You are overreacting. Remember that we are talking about magical girl scientific alien burly russian fanfiction here. We're all just here to enjoy ourselves and have little fun, so there's no need to get so worked up about all of this.

Take a break, do something you enjoy and come back when you're feeling calmer. Then do what you think you have to.
>> No. 56636
You're all faggots. Shut up.
>> No. 56644
>>56625
Well, you're being selfish and overreacting, but you already knew that (rare to see someone so self aware here)
That said, it is your prerogative to do what you did and your co-author not consulting you is, impolite, to say the least. I sincerely hope he apologies and I vote (for what little it's worth) for the nuking/lock of this thread.
>> No. 56648
>>56625
You're not just taking your ball and going home, you're grabbing it back from someone who picked it up and began playing with it after it lay abandoned in the lot for months.

As far as I'm concerned, if you want to complain about somebody making updates for a story you stopped writing, even rejecting the option of making it clear they're not you and moving to a new thread and entry in the story list as a breakpoint, perhaps you should fucking resume writing it.

Also, it was a fucking accident, stop being such a bitch.
>> No. 56649
>>56648
If I was gone from the site and unable to be contacted, you'd be right. You would be 100% completely and totally right.

But I was not. Neither the impostor nor my co-author took the simple courtesy of asking me. And not doing so is much like having someone say "hey I liked this story, just not the parts you wrote, so I'm not going to ask you about this because you're mostly irrelevant."

Even accidental, it's still insulting.

>>56633
I'll let you know if things change. I slept on it, and I still feel the same about this.
>> No. 56652
>>56649
Ctrl-fing 'rabbit' brings up three results on this page, all of them after the latest update. The author of this story in the story list is listed as Sergei.

How exactly was Not-Sergei even supposed to know you wrote part of this story?
>> No. 56653
>>56652
Because he already knew from IRC. Anyway, I've overreacted, and I apologize for that.
>> No. 56670
>>56649

>I'll let you know if things change. I slept on it, and I still feel the same about this.

Understandable. You can take a break from the site for a while if you need to. I can't speak for you, but when I get mad enough about something I tend to leave wherever-I-am for around a week or so to cool off. But yeah, do what you think is best man.
>> No. 56678
>>56670
I think that's a good idea. I expect you to field all update-related inquiries.
>> No. 56832
I'll be sad if this story dies, but in the end it's up to you, the author(s).
>> No. 57160
>>56649
I understand and respect your decision. Just know that if someday you ever feel like writing again, there will be people here to read.
>> No. 57758
>>57160
>>56832
Wow, I, uh, kind of forgot about this. I've since un-madded, and while I don't plan on writing this particular story anymore, I don't mind if other people do, so long as my co-author is cool with it.
>> No. 57848
>>57758
Too bad, I thought the posts written by the "real" Sergei were a lot better than the last post.
Or, maybe not better per se, but it felt like it suddenly flipped to a completely different personality so it just wasn't the same story anymore.
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