[x] Find something, somehow, to orbitally bombard. Does not matter what, or how, or "property damage".
[x]Force Loonies to stay up drinking until they pass out. Wake them up with a megaphone at 5 AM sharp then Intensive PT them. Repeat every morning for several weeks until they swear off alcohol forever.
-[x] Not stay up drinking vodka, though. Too good for likes of stupid Loonies. Give them cheap, filthy, American alcohol. Like Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Pabst Blue Ribbon. Is, bar none, the worst alcohol Sergei has ever tasted. Is even worse than one time Sergei try to ferment own vodka in bathroom during Red Army boot camp. Is the best possible punishment for squaddies.
The thought of making Squaddies drink this for many days while being made to wake up early and do intensive PT is a happy one. Yes. First thing I do tomorrow, is go out to town. I will buy all the alcohol the squaddies can drink. They will not be happy.
Sergei will be very happy.
These thoughts brighten my day. Things that also brighten my day: I have cleaned vomit off of myself. And my special cell phone is ringing.
Special cell phone only rings when there are aliens to kill.
I have conversation with X-Com base commander. She says that the Interceptors on patrol flights have identified probable alien base location. I ask why we do not simply orbitally bombard it. She says that we could, but that I would probably enjoy going in and killing some aliens first. Also, recovering alien technology. I think the second thing is what she actually said.
But Sergei understands what she actually meant.
She offers to call each squad member and wake them up. I laugh. No, Commander, no. Let me do this thing. You call Nitori and scientists. Wake them up. Have them get our tanks ready, and get new weapons ready. There are new weapons ready, right?
Only one weapon, unfortunately. Is tiny laser pistol. Bah. At least with this, Mookie does not have to worry about running out of ammunition. Okay, Commander. We will be in ready room in one hour.
This is becoming a better and better day by the minute.
First thing to do is wake up Tiny Lieutenant. I knock on her door, but I know she will not answer. She sleep like rock sometimes. So I open her door, and shake her awake. Normally this does not work either. At this point, normally she latch onto arm I use to shake her awake. This is standard Cirno waking procedure. I take nightdress-garbed Tiny Lieutenant and carry her into shower. I turn shower on at coldest temperature.
She wakes up.
She often wakes up with much anger, and violence. But this time she wakes up, and sees me smiling.
“Ugh, it's early. Wait, Sergei... are you smiling because there are aliens to kill?”
“Yes, Tiny Lieutenant. An entire base of aliens to kill.”
“Hell yes! I'm going to get my gun!”
And with that, Tiny Lieutenant runs out of her room to get autocannon, not even changing out of soaked nightdress. This is also standard procedure.
Next is to wake up Sergeant Youmu.
I knock on her door. I know she sleeps lightly, and in short amount of time, she opens door to find me standing there, her stun rod in hand.
“Sergei? What are you... oh, my stun rod. Aliens?”
“Australia. Entire base full of aliens.”
She does not seem as excited as Tiny Lieutenant or me. But this is okay. It is hard to match Tiny Lieutenant's enthusiasm for killing aliens. This is why I like Tiny Lieutenant Cirno. So, I know she is awake, and will be at ready room. Next is Mookie. I will save Squaddies for last.
Mookie's door is open, and Mookie is nowhere to be found. This is odd. Maybe Tiny Lieutenant has woken her up already. I will ask her when I find her. Or maybe call her if Tiny Lieutenant hasn't woken her up. Eh. I believe Mookie is fine. Mookie does not die when killed, after all.
They are not happy to see me coming back into my room. But Yorihime's fear seems to ebb when she sees my smiling face. She thinks that they are forgiven. She does not yet understand. This is okay. First aliens, then Squaddies. Sergei has a plan for them, oh yes.
“Yorihime. We have aliens to kill. Are you sober enough to murder aliens?”
“Shit, Sergei, I don't have to be sober to shoot straight.”
I laugh. “This is good. Is Toyohime good to go?”
Yorihime nods. “Probably. I put her in the shower and turned it on. The whimpering and puking has stopped, so she's likely good to go.”
“Excellent. We are expected in ready room in 45 minutes. We have many aliens to kill.”
45 minutes later, we are in ready room. Apparently science team had woken up Mookie themselves to test out new laser pistol. It turns out that “pistol” is bad name for weapon. Is more like laser SMG. This is okay. Mookie still cannot hit broad side of barn with new gun. However, she can put out more bullets, faster. This is ideal for best rookie. She may hit something yet. Nitori is glaring at me from across briefing table. I do not believe she appreciated our decorated tanks, but she says nothing. She will probably bitch during whole trip to alien base during Skyranger flight. This is okay. Sergei will probably be asleep.
Commander Kotohime is going over the briefing. “Our interceptors have been doing a 24-hour sweep of Australia, looking for signs of anomalous activity. We hadn't actually found anything. The aliens had kept their base well-camouflaged. The fact that we found this one is entirely a stroke of luck.”
Sergeant Youmu interrupts the briefing. “How'd we find it?”
Kotohime blushes a bit. “Well... So, occasionally I get bored. And I can patch into the Interceptors' camera systems. I told the pilot to strafe some kangaroos, and, well, when she fired into them, they returned fire with plasma weapons. We called the other interceptor over to sweep the immediate area, and took electronic readings and a bunch of other technical things blah blah blah blah...” I always get bored when she gets to technical aspects. She rambles, and I just want to get going on mission. But I try to be respectful, I do. I have not fallen asleep in briefing yet for at least two missions. “...so we determined that the alien base is in Ayers Rock.” Wait. Wait, wait wait. Hold on.
“Alien base is inside Ayers Rock.”
“It's carved shallowly into one of the sides, yes.”
“Can I do orbital bombardment of base this time?”
She sighs visibly. I have been asking each time that we go out on mission like this. Normally she does not let me. “Fine. Fine, you can call it down this time.”
THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER.
“Anyways, your objectives are to clear the base out so that our science and recovery teams can go in and collect samples of technology to reverse-engineer some of their stuff. I, personally, would love to have a go with a plasma rifle. And can you imagine how amazing it would be to have a plasma flamethrower?” Mookie's eyes light up at this. “Just, you know, fwoooosh. Except, instead of deadly fire, even deadlier plasma.” Commander Kotohime is miming sweeping the room with a flamethrower when our science team member clears her throat.
Captain Reisen, Science Team Deputy Commander, is here with her new toys. “Commander, if I may?”
Commander Kotohime looks a little surprised, and sits down. She gestures to her to go on, if a little disappointed. She was enjoying herself, I think. “What we have for you isn't much. We haven't had much time to get decent research going, but we've gotten the fundamentals of a portable laser weapon down. The rifle extended-amplification systems, however, are a bit too large to actually be man-portable. So we decided to cut those out, and it's resulted in what we've termed a laser pistol.”
Mookie interjects at this time. “But it fires like a SMG!”
Reisen glares at Mookie. “Did you invent this?”
“That's what I thought. We're calling it a laser pistol. In any case, before I was interrupted, it can fire very rapidly, with minimal cooling time. It's a bit unwieldy, being a prototype, but we're sure we can integrate computer targeting into it for improved accuracy. The heat sink blah blah blah technical details blah blah...”
Sergeant Youmu here again. Sergei has dozed off during the briefing. This tends to happen when Reisen is allowed to ramble.
Aside from the laser SMG, there isn't really much else to say for the briefing. The tanks will be coming with us as well. Laser tanks, again, as the science team wants to limit collateral damage until after the recovery mission. I think it's a good idea. It's an even better idea for Nitori to have waited until Sergei was asleep to say this. He would have probably demanded rocket tanks. I think laser tanks are probably a bit more useful here.
So we've each got a laser SMG as a sidearm, and I've still got the stun rod, HE, and medical kits. Mookie's got a medical kit too, but that's mainly so that we can pick it up off of her body when she inevitably gets killed. She's also got a bunch of grenades, but that's to compensate for her abysmal accuracy. I think the laser pistol will help that, though, if only through sheer volume of fire.
The Squaddies aren't happy with it, and they take the SMG grudgingly, while swearing that they won't use anything but their preferred long rifles. I think they'll be unpleasantly surprised by the tight corridors in an alien base. They haven't done a base infiltration mission yet. I think their SMGs will get plenty of work.
Lieutenant Cirno's taped her SMG on top of her autocannon, and tied the triggers together with a string. She says that when she pulls the trigger on the autocannon, the SMG will fire too. I'm just glad they only gave her one SMG. If they'd given her more, I'm sure that she'd tape them to her autocannon too.
Sergei just pockets his SMG. It's comically small in those huge hams of hands he has. He will probably end up using it too, but I don't think that bothers him. He's a practical man.
Nitori's voice crackles over your headphones in the Skyranger. “Hey, Sergei, we're almost over the drop zone.” Nothing. “Are you asleep again?!” Yeah, he's asleep again. “Youmu, are you guys ready?”
“Yeah. The rest of the team's awake, and I'll wake up Sergei.”
“Okay. Where do you want to do the drop? We can drop you directly on top of where we think the base is, on the rock, but you'll probably have to blast a hole through the top. That'll get rid of any chance of surprise, and likely damage some equipment. I doubt they'll have that entrance guarded, though. We could also drop you at the base of the rock, where the aliens come in and out themselves. There'll probably be no need for blasting, but, you know, front door and all that.”
Man. Neither of those sound too great. “Is there a third option?”
“Officially? No. Unofficially? There's a small chasm near the base, on top of Ayers Rock. I could try to drop you guys in there, but it's a small area to hit, and I'm not even sure it actually goes to the base.”
Parachuting in there won't be a problem for you, Cirno, or Sergei. It might be for the Squaddies, and definitely for Mookie. The tanks you're not too worried about, as Nitori can likely guide them in there herself with no problems.
[ ] “Drop us on top. We'll blow a hole in the base.”
[ ] “Drop us in front. We'll take them on like that.”
[ ] “Let's try the chasm. Maybe we can get the drop on the aliens.”
[ ] “I've got a better idea...” (Write-in).
Comrades, I apologize for the long delay between updates. I have other story to write, and this one as well.